Disorder: Rating


Paranoid: High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Low
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High
*******************************
My head spins in circles,
There’s no way out,
You’ll read this and think,
Yeah whatever…I don’t believe you.
But someday maybe you will.
Maybe not knowing me
Was the best thing that ever happened to you


As the people close to me realized,
I don’t make sense,
I get mad for stupid reasons,
For nonexistent reasons
And then I look back
And realize wow they would ALL
Be better
So much better
Off not knowing me.
****************************
I am ever haunted.
By my traumatic past,
That’s not even worthy to be uttered
Every once in a while someone makes a comment
Not about IT but about something related to IT.
It scares me.
I don’t know what normal is.
The only reason,
That I haven’t killed the person that did it
Is because sometimes that person
Looks like s/he doesn’t know better.
I have to face you everyday.
Have to look into your face,
Stand within 500 feet of you
And still I cannot bear to be near you
I feel my anger and frustration bubble over
Everytime I am forced to remember IT
IT still effects me
PTSD I might have,
But to find out I would have to
Talk about IT,
And never will you get me to
Utter
IT
Out
Loud.
*******************
You hate me.
I understand.
I copied you.
But you copied the person before you.
That’s fine.
Just keep that ‘originality’ alive.
Don’t hate me for a small reason
Don’t hate me because I was born with a freckle on my thumb
Don’t hate me because you also have one
Just hate me because you never really liked me.
Because I was mad at you for no reason.
Because I am not who I was
Hate me because you never knew I’d turn out like this.
Hate me because you just do.
*************************
NAME: Maria Elena


DO YOU LIKE YOUR NAME? WHY OR WHY NOT: The second part, the first is so overused. When I go to puerto rico and my grandma calls me out of the water at the beach and she shouts, "Maria!" Every girl there turns her head. But Elena I think is pretty and less common.



AGE: 14


IS THERE ANY OTHER AGE YOU'D RATHER BE? WHY OR WHY NOT:  YES! i'd rather be 18 my whole life.


THINGS YOU LIKE: Food, music, Marty and Bina. and my ipod


COLOR: Black


TV SHOW: None


MOVIE: What Dreams May Come


SONG: Farther Away


GAME: Monopoly



BOOK: His Dark Materials and Harry Potter


MAGAZINE: None



CLASS: ???



THING TO WEAR: Uhh..clothes. No just kidding. I like sweatshirts [ Foxboro music sweatshirt] and my favorite jeans


TIME OF DAY: Night time specifically 11pm



DRINK: Water/diet soda



FOOD: Microwaved bread and butter



PLACE TO SPEND TIME: In my room


PERSON TO TALK TO: Mike, but now that he hates me Nathan. They seem to connect with me.


PERSON TO SPEND TIME WITH: Nathan and Blair and Solveig.


SHAMPOO:  Suave


TOOTHPASTE: Baking soda & Peroxide



MONTH: October, with 5 birthdays and Halloween in it, it's the most fattening month. But that's not why I like it, I like it ecause it's a earthy time. Like I'm connected with the earth.


DAY: 20th


SEASON: Fall, when the leaves are colorful, not when it is cold and leafless.


THINGS YOU COULD LIVE WITHOUT:  Idiots.


CHOOSE ONE (OR MAKE UP YOUR OWN CHOICE): Haha I think I will


SUNRISE OR SUNSET: Sunset


SWEET OR SOUR: Sour



SALTY OR SWEET: Salty



DOLPHIN OR EAGLE: hmmm... I like them both. But Eagle more now that I think of it.



OLD OR NEW: old



HOT OR COLD: hot



COKE OR PEPSI: Sprite, diet sprite



SOFT OR HARD: soft what? I like soft pillows, but If i'm sitting on an airplane I want the wings of the plane to be pretty stabily hard.


TRAIN OR PLANE: Train



YESTERDAY OR TOMORROW: Yesteryday, that way today hasn't happened yet.



RED OR BLUE: blue



FAST OR SLOW: slow


BEATLES OR ELVIS: BEATLES!



BLIND OR DEAF: blind


OPEN OR CLOSED: open


BATH OR SHOWER: shower



SQUARE OR CIRCLE: circle



FIRE OR WATER: water



LIGHTNING OR THUNDER: Lightning. It's really pretty.


BLACK OR WHITE: Black



OCEAN OR FOREST: Depends, I like rain forests and 'dark' forests. But if you mean like a Massachusetts forest I'd go with the ocean.


DOGS OR CATS: dogs



DAY OR NIGHT: night



LEAVES OR ROOTS: hmmm, leaves, they have a pretty design/original design.



LEFT OR RIGHT: Lefty!



CREMATION OR BURIAL: Cremation, and make it cheap.



VICTIM OR CRIMINAL: victim, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did something like murder someone.



EVEN OR ODD: Even



WRITTEN OR SPOKEN: errr, for books, I like both.



WOMAN OR MAN: man



CARPET OR HARDWOOD FLOOR: carpet, the big plushy kind, but I don't want to have to clean it someone else can.



EARTHQUAKE OR HURRICANE: I would like an earthquake



CITY OR COUNTRYSIDE: Countryside



VANILLA OR CHOCOLATE: Vanilla bean



LIMITED OR OPEN-ENDED: limited



HOUSE OR APPARTMENT: house



! OR ?: ?



SUN OR RAIN: rain


BRIEFS OR BOXERS: boxers



PEN OR PENCIL: pen



SUMMER OR WINTER: winter for some things summer for other things.



HORIZONTAL OR VERTICAL: horizontal



DESTINY OR CHOICE: destiny, for love but choice for life.



ALONE OR TOGETHER: Alone



NEW YORK OR PARIS: Paris, and watching the Tour de France.



SILVER OR GOLD: silver



COMPLETE EACH SENTENCE:


IF I HAD MORE TIME ALONE, I WOULD: meditate, or do something in which I could relax more.


IF I COULD CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD: I would first change world hunger, then take out all the idiots who think they're everything special.



IF I HAD A PLANE TICKET TO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, I WOULD VISIT: Amazon River


IF I COULD LIVE ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, I WOULD LIVE IN: San Fransisco


IF I COULD VISIT ANY TIME PERIOD, I WOULD CHOOSE: 1920-1950's and live in New Orleans and some other parts of the US to listen to big bands live. :drools:


IF I COULD SPEND TIME WITH ONE FAMOUS PERSON, IT WOULD BE: Lance Armstrong, he's very inspiring and I would give a lot to meet him and talk to him.



IF I COULD BE FAMOUS IT WOULD BE FOR:



IF I COULD MAGICALLY CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT MY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, IT WOULD BE: My weight. Very stereotypical but I hate how my thighs look.


IF I COULD CHANGE ONE LAW, IT WOULD BE: The Patriot Act.



IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: I would donate half of it to the Armstrong foundation and give a lot to people in Africa. Then with the rest set up a thing for stray dogs. Yeah I know i'm stupid, relax, don't spend so much energy on hating me.



IF I HAD WINGS, I'D FLY ABOVE: San Fransisco


MISCELLANEOUS: yay!


TWO THINGS YOU DID TODAY: Power washed the back porch, tested my mom on every chord I knew, and she got them all right by ear.



TWO PEOPLE WHO OCCUPY YOUR THOUGHTS THE MOST: Mike Sheridan, 


SOMETHING YOU LEARNED THIS WEEK: I suck at life.



YOUR BIGGEST OBSTACLE RIGHT NOW: Learning how to hear the form, and how to not flip out on Solveig.


Bleh...some of you will hate me. Some will not. Some won't care. I'm not here to criticize you that hate me. That's your opinion and personally I can see what you hate in me.


If you want to see my blog, it's by invite only so send me your AOL or AIM screen name and I'll add it and send you a link.