I guess Life is pretty weird. My friend might die and another friend is alive when i thought for so long that they were dead. I know how it feels to lose a friend to death now.
Do you know what its like to try to tell your best friends family that your the cause of their pain? Your friends death accompanies you everywhere like its your fault even when you know it is. Everyday you wish that it was you and not them that died. You cant change it no matter who you talk to,you stop believing in God and angels. And everyday you think your worthless and are meant to die.Thinking that if you were never born then they would be alive. But then one day this door opens in your head and you realize that you need to live your life like they would want to live theirs.You seem to think you owe it to them and so you try to be happy and use their memory as your guidelines. Then you sit down and just start writing and you come up with a poem dedicated to them and their memory,you spend months perfecting it,Sure that it would make them proud.Your ultimate,undis
You get to your friends homepage, all ready to give their parents the poem and the truth,because you know they deserve that and so much more!When you get there, you find your friend is still alive! Your overcome with shock and emotion,then you think it is a trick. But after a few hours of just staring at a picture of them,you realize your best friend is still alive and happy. How do you react to that? You take your poem that you spent so LONG on and leave. They never read it and you wish they would ask to but how can they ask about what they dont know anything about?
Have you been through this? because you can never truly understand it until you do. This happened to me and that poem i mentioned still exists,unread. Waiting for the day when this one friend finds it and wants it. But intil then,it will remain as a memory that only i remember.
Thankyou
i dont know what to say here. A diary is meant to be the doorway to the mind but what about mine? My mind is mixed up and crashing. Im doing fine i think. Just wishing on unknown wishes and dreaming on unseen stars that my friend will FINALLY realize that its him i want. He lives in Nebraska and I really like him but he's dating someone else. I wont go farther than that into it. Its just that i wish that he'll be back and im about to give up. Anyone else feel they should give up on someone you care about but something tells you not to? Thats what i wake up to and go to sleep to everyday. Please dont judge me to be Emo or stupid. It is my diary after all. oh well.
HAPPY DAYS! HAPPY DAYS! IM SO THRILLED!
well im now alone but im ok with that. Ive been hurt alot so im just doing fine with this one. I wish it hadnt happened but since theres nothing i can do then fine. I give up. She wins. Im gone from this place. To my friends Im sorry but after the lie Ive heard for so long I have no choice. Im sorry for the people that want to talk to me and im sorry to the people who dont. What can you do when you know for a fact that your right and the other person is wrong and your the only one who can stop it? you know theyll hurt people but the people theyll hurt is the ones you care about most. You cant do anything about it so you stop trying. You give up and instead of being happy your sad. You think about dying as everyone does at some point but you know for a fact that you will never do it. You have to live for the life you only have once. You know that a mistake has been made but you cant fix it. Probally never could. You hope to god that youlll be okj and you know you will. But now you just want it to stop. Youve lost it alll and theres nothing you can change. But your sadly ok with that. Just another black door that you willl hide from the world and everyone in it. Whats one more black dooor?
well anyone ever gotten fals e hope by someone before? This guy that i love broke up with me awhile ago then a few months later he says we MIGHT get back together. Small possibility but still is hope! I missed him and hes just leading me on AGAIN! Why does he play these games with me? Its like, I love him, but his only love is messsing with peoples feelings. What did i do wrong? My biggest mistake ever cost me him and now hes playing games with my heart! Its like he doesnt even care at all. Of course,why should he? He probally loves someone else but hes got me dreaming on dreams and wishing on wishes that he still loves me! Im insane to think that he may still love me and might give me another chance arent I? well he knows who he is and I think ill leave it at this!
i need an update so ill say that i still miss the guy but he doesnt miss me! I dont know what to do but im wingin it!
i get tired of being ignored.Im not sure if im emo but i am scared. I keep knowing im gonna die! I know how im gonna die and its gonna involve my best friend! He has no idea but i think hes a fallen angel. Hes sweet but i also know that hes far from perfect. I want him to know but he doesnt want to.I wake up in the middle of the night screaming because my daughter dies in the dream! I dont actually have a daughter but shes there!She doesnt get weaker by the day as i thought she would.She gets stronger! I keep singing that song by Creed called 6 feet from the edge. I feel exactly that way! I know im not perfect but i try to be. Im a fool to think i can but i can try because theres something inside of me that wont let me stop! Im phillophobic and mnemophobic but I think there getting worse because everytime i see that one person that stops my heart im overcome with emotion and memories.All of them painful! I waited two weeks for that one person but now that is over I have to wait and hurt for a lifetime! I hurt because he doesnt see that we're perfect for each other.I reallized that the problem is mine and his. I dont know who will take the time to read this but i think the world needs to know my pain even if Im dead by the time you read this. If im alive at the time that this is read i ask you to please not tell the person that i care so much for because he probally has no idea. I see now that he wont know any of this until he wants, I just pray that its not too late!
its the would be one month anniversary but tonight or tomorrow is the six month anniversary of something special i cant wait!
well im confused about what to put on here but i need something new in here so ill just go basic here! Im kinda bored right now so i mowed my lawn(not easy)!LOL Ive been online for about 3 hrs idk i lost track! Oh well ill go wait some more Ill add more to this by tomorrow!
im adding to this! Its really strange how things turn out,this time last year i had a crush on someone who hated me! If you had told me last year that id hate the guy i was crushing on and am going to fall in love on Elftown with a guy who loves me back.Id probally say you were totally crazy and might cuss you out! And yet here i am in love with my boyfriend. Its really strange how things turn out LOL
well im good and happy! Ive got the best guy and hes got me! Saturday is our one month anniversary of the day we met! And then on the 16th we'll have been dating for a whole month and it still feels as great as the beginning and i still cant get him off my mind at all! Hes my other side and im hoping our relationship will never end!
Its my birthday and the guy Im in love with was the first to wish me a happy Birthday! Im going to call him today and see if he still likes me! I really hope he does hes the best thing to ever happen to me! Ill add more tomorrow!
i fell in love with an angel and he fell in love with me! He thinks hes not an angel or good looking at all! He's dead wrong and I hope he knows Id give my life for him and I dont do that for just ANYONE! I met him and I thought he was hott the first time I saw him! I knew I shouldnt fall in love with him, But I got to know him and Completely fell head over heels in love! But I never wanted him to find out because of my fear.But he found out! and fell in love with me.I have no idea why or what he sees in me to fall in love with but maybe I cant see it for the reason he cant see how perfect he is! IDK But we're dating and I love him!
Well I guess Im seriously lucky! Im in love with an angel and he likes me too! Hes convinced Im an angel but hes going to lose this one! He cant possibly win! Hes my angel and I love him so much! But he has got to learn that Im not an angel! But I do love him so much hel never know how much!
I forgot that if a guy makes me really mad then they can probally be really sweet! Im a complete sucker for sweet talkers! Theyre really rare in my world so I treasure those few I know! I have no idea why Im telling everyone this! Just a cheat code to me I guess!
Well lets see Im going to update this! All the guys who have liked me always ask what I look for in a guy ! I always said that I dont know! I always said that because I am both Philophobic and Mnemophobic. Which means Im scared of falling in love and of my memories! Im scared of love because I had a crush twice and they didnt like me so Im scared of love.And Ive had so many bad times that Im scared of my memories also. Awhile ago I got a crush on someone on Elftown. And I was too scared to tell him but he found out! And now I think Ive found out what Ive always looked for in a guy, someone I can talk to and will talk to me! Someone who knows me and lets me be me! maybe ill get lucky and hell like me back so now everyone knows my fears!
he knows oh darn it the guy I like knows and couldnt care less!
Welcome to my world! Im not really sure who i am. Im a girl who likes the ocean and pirates! But I also like the fantasy and unexplainable! So Im not a normal girl. Im a tomboy and caught somewhere between a woman and a child but so is everyone! I keep my heart protected and the only way I know that will get me to like you is if your more stubborn than I am! Good Luck! Im the living Miss independent! Im quiet until you know me and then I dont shut up. Ill hide my fears and pain from everyone and youll think Im fine when Im actually dying inside. I dont cry on the outside anymore. I cry behind these hazel eyes. Im unknown to most people the only time to see the real me is through my poetry. Theres a layer everyone knows. the other side of me is only for me to see! I found out the guy on here that I like doesnt like me back and I have to pretend that nothing has changed when I am dying on the inside and he doesnt care at all or pretends not to! Well I hope hes happy and laughing at my misery!
Well Im bored my freinds are too busy to talk.