I've forgotten how to be creatively inspired. I haven't drawn in weeks. I no longer have the desire to scribble drawings on post-its. Instead I would rather spend my time vegging out in front of the tele or surfing forums in a desperate attempt to seem 'grown-up.'

I started my summer course on 7 June, and I'm doing okay. My first in-class essay was an 85%, and I was hoping for an A. What can you say though? During this time, I found out my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, my boyfriend left for Hawaii for nine days with his family (and I could have gone with them if I didn't have a summer course), I had to drive to school everyday (and it's a twenty minute drive to and from, as well as the fact that I'm scared to drive- seriously), and I had dented my dad's car's passenger side fender.

I'm still dealing with all this. This time last year was marvelous: I was taking a geometry class for the second time and it was horribly easy, my boyfriend of three months (we've been dating 13 months now) and I both had wicked sunburns/tans from swimming so much, and I never dreamed of having to get a job. So...uh...this is how it's like to finally be given a taste of adult life.

My mother is getting my sister and me a counselour. I would rather not have one, seeing as I would have to drive to the appointments, and heaven forbid I have to drive. (I tell you, I'm scared!) But I guess if I think about getting in a car accident, I'll have one, as my dad said this morning. Maybe it's true. I hope not. Anyway, the counselour will be good, she says to my father who is asking why we need one, because we will be going through some trials while my mother is sick from chemotherapy.

Kevin says I'm using him for transportation. I never thought I would come to this. I always told myself I'm independent. I didn't want to make myself grovel to another person, but here I am, asking for rides to this place and that place. He doesn't like to drive, he says, and I know that. I need him for his confidence, his love, his courage, and his optimism. Sometimes I hate myself for always thinking about money.

Being an eighteen-year-old is tiring. Wow, I can't wait to grow up.

(I wish I were five again.)

Okay, here I am again for the first time in forever and a day.

For those who know me, you know that I'm still getting along quite well with my Lover. We are most likely going to live together in the future. Which is highly awesome.

Speaking of him, he's encouraging me to give out his forum website. Anyone can post in it, so here's the link: http://www.ageofinsanity.com/forum/index.php =D

Je sais pas si y a des gens qui lisent ce journal...mais aujourd'hui je sens tres bien. Enfin, oui...je dois maigrir, mais j'ai un petite copain qui m'aime pour qui je suis. ^_^ Nous avons un futur avec nous-meme...et ca...ca c'est ma reve.

je dois maigrir.

Holy jeez, I haven't written much lately, have I? Well, aujourd'hui je suis vachement malade, mais c'est pas grave parce que je suis toujours heureuse. La vie...ah, c'est orgasmique! Haha, mais je rigol! Donc, euhhh...J'ai gagne pour un concord de journalisme. Un petit truc d'honneur. Heh, c'etait tellement chouette. Ok, je dois partir.

Hurrah! Today I earned my Driver's Permit!

alright, maybe i'm not going to speak in french today. i'm a little tired today. okay, a LOT. its because i have not slept in THREE days more than 12 hours! aaaahhhhhh. anyway, i have driver's education lessons today too. until 9h. blllaahhh...

ah! j'ai tres envie de parler en francais...surtout avec un francais!

jchui fatigue.

coucou c'est moi, la plus bete du monde!! j'ai BEAUCOUP a faire avant le 14 fevrier...le jour de fete...le jour de ST. VALENTINE!! c'est pas juste que j'ai pas un amour qui peut me donner des fluers et puis des chocolats, mais d'abord des petits baisers!!!! haha. ^_^ euhhhhhhh...C'EST PAS JUSTE. et puis, les profs sont trop mechants. les devoirs cette semaine sont durs et je mourirai!!!

ok, ca va. le monde...c'est plus gentil. haha, comme un humain. HA. une elfe? NONNNNNN!

j'ai plus d'espoir pour ce monde.

so tired. gotta lose weight. gotta gotta gotta.

au lycee. toujours. berk bof.

the day before my sister's birthday and i have so much to do. i must FIND her a three-studded belt and a card. let's hope to god that wal*mart or target has one, seeing as i dont like sitting around waiting for mum or dad to take me. berk. donc, je parlerai en francais pour ce moment...euh...parceque. j'ai toujours des examens en anglais et en histoire a faire, et puis je dois etudier pour eux. moi, je sais pas ce que je vais faire, parce que je suis trop fatigue. je veux maigrir alors je dois faire une regime de seulement du the. ca sera dur, eh? j'ai un article a faire en journalisme, et un essai a faire en anglais pour la biographie d'emily dickinson, une americainne qui est supere a ecrire les poemes. j'ai des maths. et c'est tout, je crois, mais ces trucs-la seront pas tres faciles!! aaaah, i'm overwhelmed!!

quite tired right now. today was a think the happiest i've experienced in awhile, at others expenses. ha, todd got into quite a fuss when i bothered him with my drawings' colours. come now, i have to colour this correctly, dont i? well, i got it done: hurrah for that.

well, good lord-eth me. today was absolutely null. i thought i was going to do something. no. i didnt. instead, i sat around and moped because i couldn't play freQuency on anyone's playstation 2. i listened to a lot of music though. went out jogging and walking. yeah, WALKING. bah. haven't lost any weight. sitting at 117 forever, meep. pweem- i'm not happy with that. chugged cough syrup, and i had bunches of water and caffeinated peppermints. ha.