my new apartment rocks, its better than living with people...my life still sucks. still want to kill myself. doc told me I need help. this is 2 months later havent seen the doc. fucking hate myself even more. when my parents call and ask me how im doing i respond with one word answers. my kitty is the only reason im still here. she needs me and my cat loves me and thats really the only reason im still here. thats all i care to write of this gibberish and i wrote it here cuz i know my real-life acquaintances wont read it. i want to break something /someone and make it bleed.
~(grammar, spelling, punctuation, and effort omitted in this entry)

last night was fucked. I figured I'd be spending the evening by myself or the new girl im interested in and I get home and my friends are waiting to get the drink on. I didn't really want to but I did anyways. So rather than submit to drinking at my apartment I convinced them otherwise and we went to John's place. So we are over there, they eat the snack I had brought and when it came time to ordering the pizza I was busy on the phone with my ex with I haven't talked to in at least a week. She went on about she was wrong and wasn't herself blah blah blah. I really didn't need that shit at that point, I told her she'd be okay and she can call me anytime if she needs to talk but that's all. The evening proceeded with them not saving me any pizza and Andy following me home to smoke up with me. I didn't really want to share the weed cuz Andy is a bit of a freeloader and I know he'd never do the same for me. So I tripped like a motha fucka which I totally didn't want to do to be honest with all these things on my mind. Life's a bitch at times. Hey this is my first diary entry...w00t!