Sometimes I feel lost. At those times I'm restless and I can't get comfortable in any way. It mostly happens when I haven't 'lived' for quite a while.
I have trouble 'living' every day, like so many other people besides me. And like those people, I have trouble finding my way of life when I get lost.
But we all have our ways of finding the way again. Today was one of those days. Today I was in need of strength, of life.
In my pagan ways, I went for a walk, to a place where I usually go when I want to communicate with the Earth. There I sat, drew an invisible circle of protection around me, and devoted my thoughts to Her, in other words; prayed.
I asked Her for answers, for signs that would show me my way again. For lessons that I needed to learn. When I felt the time was right, I lifted the circle and stood up, to begin my walk.
I went on my way toward a bridge that crosses a river, a path I usually walk or run. But just at the foot of the bridge I met with a friend I hadn't seen in quite a long time. Actually, I had been wondering several times how he would be doing. 
We swapped stories and told each other about how life was going, and I felt my spirit lifting immediately. He shared his side and I shared mine. It started raining. We crossed the bridge together and at the other side was a gas station, where I bought him a drink. After that, he went on home, and I went back the way I came.
I understood that that was lesson number one; I realized I had felt lonely and that I just needed someone to talk to. Maybe I should look up old friends again, too see how they're doing.
Everything was soaked by the rain, which had stopped already. I thought about how I used to hate the rain, I hated to get wet. Concerning rain, I realized I had two options: either accept the fact that I hated it, for everbody has his/her own likes and dislikes. But I could also change my point of view, and see how beautiful the rain really is. That, inspite of soaking me, it quenches thirst, sooths the earth and washes away the suffering. Suddenly I loved the rain and I realized that I turned a hatred into love....
As I went back over a path through the trees, it was dark already, and a little scary, for the path I walked wasn't lit at all. I started to draw that circle around me again and suddenly I felt very protected. Fear wouldn't stop me from seeing the beauty that surrounds me...
Then I came to a crossroad. Right would be the path back home, so I took a left. As I walked over the cycle road, I watched the birches on the right, and the shapes in their bark. That's when I starting thinking about Angels and Devils. Some people have called me an angel several times. But I know I can be a Devil as well, and that I have to.
An Angel is the positive side, joyful and happy. A Devil is the more negative side, of suffering. The one needs the other, they cannot do without each other. The Angel needs the Devil to control itself, as visa versa. For if the Angel gets out of hand, we can become careless and blind. If the Devil gets out of hand, we can become depressed and blind.
If the Devil takes over, we become victims. If the Angel takes over, we can become harbingers. That is why they need each other. To be happy inspite of suffering is to truly life.
With those thoughts I chose to walk to the McDonalds on the side of the freeway to get a hamburger. Just one, I thought to myself. There was a boy behind the counter whom I recognized; me and my brother used to play with him when we were little. And seemed he recognized me too, for he greeted me by my name, it surprised me a little. As I payed for the hamburger and left again, I realized the lesson; he still remembered me. Even though I have changed, I am still me.
I went on my way home, thinking about the Angels and Devils. But when I was just across the street from my house, I chose to pass it. I walked passed the church and noticed light inside. That urged me to go to the chapel nearby, but was a little disappointed when I saw it was closed. 
That's when I thought about my faith... I had used commonly known paganism as a fountation of my beliefs, but I noticed I was slowly developing it to what I call 'me'. I thought about how the Earth was precious to me, and how I pray to the Goddess of the Earth. But I also thought about how I enjoyed watched the sky, the stars swimming in it, the sunrises and sunsets. I realized that there are three layers: Earth, Heaven and Us. And just liked with Angels and Devils, we need both Earth and Heaven, to be what we are...
I remembered I once thought about something else. About how many things get boring after a while, like when you watch the same movie over and over again. But the rising and setting of the sun never bores. It's always different, even though it happens again every single day... It never looses its beauty.
I walked over a field I used to play at when I was little. Then I chose the cycle road between the trees and followed it in darkness, still clinging to the protection I drew before. Finally I came to a place with tall grass, right next to the road. I entered it and followed the little paths created by a hundred walkers before me... It was really dark and I could barely see anything. I realized the lesson: even though you sometimes cannot see the path, but you do know it's there, you have to rely on faith to guide you.
At the end, right before the exit that leads back to the road, my path was blocked by a great pool of water, from the rain. I couldn't go any further. I knew that I had the choice of not letting it stop me, that I could go right through. But not every path is made for everyone... So I sat down at the edge of it, and only got up when I understood the lesson: sometimes a path leads to a dead end. At those times you shouldn't be afraid to turn back a little, to find the right path again.
That's what I did. I turned back and searched for a different exit. I was proud when I found it.
Then I took a few turns and walked passed a great playground, in the darkness. At the open field on the other side there stood a climbing rack made from thick ropes. I clicked to the top of it and ate some Oreo's that I had in my pocket. The climb disappointed me, I realized I'm not as able as I used to be. A sign to shape myself up a little.
After a while of listening to the wind through the treetops, I climbed down and started down a path through the trees, back to where I entered the place with tall grass.
From thereon I went home, thinking about everywhere I went, everything I had encountered. I had asked Her for lessons and signs, and she gave them to me. I saw them because I had opened my eyes, but more importantly, my heart.
At first I had been wanting to ask her what to do. But I knew I would get the same answer as always: to listen to my heart. But sometimes you cannot hear what it says. At those times, it's important to open your ears and eyes.
Chances, answers and signs are given to us when we ask for them, when we have need of them. But it is up to ourselves to decide whether we allow them in or not.