Frostbite

1. Book a seat on the next flight to Florida.

2. Warm the victim gradually to 140 Fahrenheit (60 Celsius).

3. Peel off the frostbitten parts carefully with a Swiss Army knife.

4. Take a nip or two of brandy.

5. Apply dressing to the raw, open wounds. French or Russian is good, Roquefort is extra. Do not apply oil and vinegar.

6. Take a little more brandy. Pour some over the victim.

7. Eat the victim.

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