[Just another heartache on my lips.]'s diary
Get over it.
And I really don't care if you hate me.
U P D A T E.
;; Getting a car sometime in the near future. :3
;; Chris is my queen and I am his king. I love him so much. <3
;; Teenage love is confusing me once more. =/
;; Redundo Beach with my school buddies in a few days. :D
;; Hair cut and new hair color. Possibly. :]
;; Albert keeps teasing me and Jose for talking too much to each other. D: We aren't an item! :0
;; Got two new books.
;; I hate you. :D
Another update:
Knives don't work as good as glass. =/
I have a scratch on my arm. :3
My lips hurt.
I want to kill OUIBIBVIDBIHBV
Talking to Stephanie B. =]
She's fawesome.
Alabama next year!
And Italy and Greece. <3
I'm changing. :3
Personality wise.
And the way I dress.
Wheeee. :3
I'd so bone the chick from this band I like. <333
I still wanna die. :P
I'm on, so might as well put in another update.
I'm mooooooving. =] 'Cause of the divorce. -giggles-
Jade invited me to go to some gig with her in West Hollywood. Think I might go.
I'm thinking of dragging Stacy to see some random movie with me. And then...arcade!
Bird and Chris are gonna tackle me after school next Wednesday. =]
My Edward is the shiznit.
And I love my Lolo dearly. <3
Albert called Jose my future boyfriend. =/
I'm cutting my hair.
And maybe dying it. :3
I think my anemia got worse. ^_^
Uh-uh-update:
Last day of school was today;; the 23rd.
I left with an award for High Honor Roll. My GPA was 3.75 or higher. =]
I also got an award for a perfect score on the CAHSEE.
I took pictures of/and with my bestest buddies E V E R.
It was fun, yo. \m/
I gots my classes.
AP English.
AP US History.
Honors Chemistry.
Drawing.
Photography.
Algebra II.
Buuuuut. I might have to drop Photography to finish Spanish. D:
Damnit. I don't wanna take summer school next year...seeing as I wanna visit Jeanette in Alabama with Stacy and Diane. <3
Oh, oh, oh. New cuts. =/
Aaaaaaaaaannnn
-giggles- Squee. Ain't life the best? =]
I'm out, hoes.
P.S.
Aria made me cry.
Again. =]
Hate Me by Blue October.
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
I'm sober now for 3 whole months it's one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes crying and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you
...*sobs*We're having our debate TOMORROW! Jorge got sick and had to leave early, so my group is taking the place of his and Matthew's group. I believe we're the third ones to debate. Fuh. That got us all a bit prissy.-.-
*sighs*Ah well. Guess me and Jeanette have to practice our speech and stuff. Not to mention, revise our speech, as well. Fuuuun. >.<
Anyways. Onto other stuff. Other than the slight annoyance during English, my day has been pretty good. SCHOOL day, that is. <3
For Spanish, we had to write down the poem that we had to remember by heart. I think I wrote it down right. Yayness. X3
Though, sadly. We have homework. Two essays and some unfinished class assignment. *sighs*Great.
Oh, well. I'll live, I guess.
What else? Oh! I took my camera today. Took a few pictures. Not many, though. I took one with Chris and one with Albert. I came out fugly, though. XD They came out hawt, as always.
I also took one of Diane and of me and Stacy. Kind of. >>;;; Not sure if she wants me to put that picture up, though.
Well, I'm off. Really bored. Don't wanna get online today. Well, I will. But only on messengers and myspace. Ciao.
And if you still wanna talk, talk to me here:
Yahoo: morbid_doodlez
AIM: Nikkou821. I have two others: HardcoreLoveOr
MSN: Dispensable_An
My myspace link is on my page. So, yeah. <3
Typical convo between me and Chris. :3
Stephanie Solis: Hey! =D
Chris Ceron: hey!!
Chris Ceron: whats up?
Stephanie Solis: Nothing much. Just reading. ^_^ And watching Extreme Home Makeover. *almost started crying*Lmao. You?
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: i love that show!
Chris Ceron: i almost cried in one of them
Stephanie Solis: Dude! Same. =/
Chris Ceron: so how was your weekend?
Stephanie Solis: Pretty good. ^_^ Except now I feel sick. Damn mexican food. Lmao. And yours?
Chris Ceron: dont make fun of mexican food!
Chris Ceron: haha jk
Chris Ceron: my weekend was BORING!
Chris Ceron: bleh... i was upset all weekend cuz i couldnt go out because im grounded
Chris Ceron: but i wont be grounded anymore after my mom comes home
Stephanie Solis: =/ Why'd ya get grounded?
Chris Ceron: ohh
Chris Ceron: i pierced my lip last friday
Chris Ceron: but i let the hole close..
Chris Ceron: you can just see a small scar on my lip if you look closely (in person)
Stephanie Solis: =/ Lip piercings are hawt! One of my crushes has one. XD
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: who?
Stephanie Solis: Tyler. :3 Friend of mine who now lives in Concord. He says he likes me too, but whatever. =P
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: someone's in love
Chris Ceron: oOo
Stephanie Solis: Lmfao. Nah, no thanks. :3
Chris Ceron: K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Chris Ceron: steph and tyler sittin on a tree..
Chris Ceron: first come the love, then comes the marriage...
Chris Ceron: then commes steph-e with a baby carriage!
Chris Ceron: hehehe
Stephanie Solis: XD Lmao. Nahhhh. Dude ain't a virgin anymore.
Chris Ceron:
Stephanie Solis: ...He gave me a list of what he's done with a girl. =/
Chris Ceron: ewww... cochino... why?
Stephanie Solis: 'Cause he was freakin' out and thought I was mad at him for having shmex after he told me he wanted to wait until he was married. =/
Stephanie Solis: Fuuh. Said something about kissing, making out, oral, finger banging, groping some broad's chest, and then sex when he got drunk. =/
Chris Ceron: ewww
Chris Ceron: shut up
Chris Ceron: ahhh
Chris Ceron: my head
Chris Ceron: my pretty head
Chris Ceron: ahhhhh
Chris Ceron: *gags a bit*
Chris Ceron: oOo
Stephanie Solis: ...Ay, tu linda cabeza. Porque, dios? Porque?! XD
Chris Ceron: i like the song on your pro
Stephanie Solis: Me too! =D
Stephanie Solis: I had Noche De Sexo on earlier. XD
Stephanie Solis: Dude, I didn't know that the current song on my page was about some unfaithful person. =/
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: hmm
Chris Ceron: lemme hear it
Stephanie Solis: Double meaning, really. I thought the secrets were sappy things about how much that person loved them. lmao.
Chris Ceron: slajfsldkfjasd
Chris Ceron: omg
Chris Ceron: i like the sound of the song
Stephanie Solis: Me too! :3 It makes me wanna sing/dance even though it's about a sad topic. =/
Chris Ceron: lol
Chris Ceron: such a jumpy song for a sad topic
Stephanie Solis: Chyeah.
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: phone
Chris Ceron: brb
Stephanie Solis: Dude, SEHS needs an 80's themed dance. And okay. =D
Chris Ceron: mkay
Chris Ceron: hello
Stephanie Solis: Hola. :3
Chris Ceron: i cant talk on the phone and type at the same time
Chris Ceron: if i do, i type what im talking about or vise versa
Stephanie Solis: ^_^; Same here.
Chris Ceron: lol
Chris Ceron: its funny that it happens to me
Stephanie Solis: Stacy usually ends up writing it down by mistake. Lol.
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: me too
Chris Ceron:
Chris Ceron: oOo life
Chris Ceron: lksjdflasjdfas
Stephanie Solis: Awww. the family just saw their new hours. *on the verge of tears* =/
Chris Ceron: i like that song
Stephanie Solis: YAY! =D
Chris Ceron: omg!
Chris Ceron: its sad when they cry...
Stephanie Solis: I know.. =/
Chris Ceron: i remember there was one extreme makeover home edition that really got me crying AAAAAA LOT
Chris Ceron: omg, wow, they really changed that house
Chris Ceron: it looked like a garage before...
Stephanie Solis: Yeah. =/ I don't know how they managed.
Chris Ceron: ...my dad doesnt believe that they can re-make a house in seven days
Stephanie Solis: I'm a believer now. =/
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: ambulance room
Stephanie Solis: That was freakin' awesome!
Chris Ceron: ...i want an ambulance room...
Chris Ceron: well, not really
Stephanie Solis: ...I just want a new room.
Chris Ceron: i WANT a room
Chris Ceron: i sleep in the couch!
Chris Ceron: *sigh*
Stephanie Solis: ...You can have mine.
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: why?
Chris Ceron: be happy with what you have!
Chris Ceron: i am
Stephanie Solis: I'll be gone in two years. >.>
Chris Ceron: what do you mean?
Stephanie Solis: Apartment, hopefully.
Chris Ceron:
Chris Ceron: moving?
Stephanie Solis: Or college, with a dorm. Or at least college and living with my crazy family.
Chris Ceron: oOo
Chris Ceron: i see
Chris Ceron: yep
Stephanie Solis: Oh! Yeah, then we might move out of state, too. =/
Chris Ceron: i want to live by my college
Chris Ceron: hehehe
Chris Ceron: party!
Chris Ceron: no parents!
Chris Ceron: drinking!
Chris Ceron: hehehe
Chris Ceron: boys!!
Chris Ceron: well... men!
Chris Ceron: heheheh
Stephanie Solis: Lmfao. Starring in a porno without even knowing it? XD
Chris Ceron: lol
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: maybe
Chris Ceron: jk
Chris Ceron: !
Chris Ceron:
Stephanie Solis: =D Directer or actor? XD
Chris Ceron: Actor!
Chris Ceron: haha
Stephanie Solis: =D w00t!
Stephanie Solis: Hell, I'm gonna have more fun. I swing both ways. =D
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: damn you!
Chris Ceron: haha
Chris Ceron: twice the fun!
My inner power: Empathy.
Empathy- Your inner power is Empathy! This means that you have a talent for identifying others emotions, often by simply glancing at them. You are EXTREMELY shy and quiet. People sometimes dont notice youre around and seem surprised to find out you even exist in a big class. Youre the often silent, goody two shoes, and few get passed the walls youve built up to stop yourself being hurt, as you no doubt have been in the past. Not everyone understands you, in fact some think that youre a snob or worse because you rarely participate in group activities. Youre extremely sensitive, even the least harsh of words can hurt you. Only your very few, closest friends who have earned your hard-to-get trust know who you really are inside; a sweet, gentle young woman who is lonely and so desperately needing friends to support you. You can get very depressed and not always know why, despite your power of empathy, as it seems to only work for people outside you. Your friends always turn to you when they need advice or comforting, and in some way you need to give that helpit makes you feel better in return to know that youve helped out your friends. Despite your cold, impassive exterior and high, seemingly unbreachable walls, inside you are really a great, intelligent person, full of compassion and love, if only people would dare take a chance and try to get through your tough shell. Never let others get you down, or change you. You are very special the way you areeven if you dont have fifty thousand friends, you are just as, if not more extraordinary than everyone else. Reach for the stars, because I dont doubt youll catch hold of them.
Boy/Girl who will sweep you off your feet: A sweet, shy and romantic man/woman. The kind of guy/woman you know will never, ever hurt you, and will love you for ever. The kind of person who believes in true love, and soul mates.
Your stone: Blue Topaz
Your power: Healing. Emotionally, physically, or spiritually, you heal people with your words, your actions and presence. Youre the one that the little children are always drawn to, because they know youll never let anything hurt them.
Your element: Clairvoyance (The power to see objects or events that cannot be perceived by the normal five senses.)
A quote that applies to you: "True beauty shines from the soul and warms the world with its kindness, compassion , and integrity."
Mi gusto es. . .
Ohmygawd. We had a freakin' awesome assebmbly at school today for Cinco De Mayo. Rock music, dancing, speeches, and traditional Mexican music. IT ROCKED TACOS! Lots of people were singing along and dancing in their seats. Some people even went on stage to dance. XD Gawd. Lots of cheering and yelling and stuff. It was like a concert! Lots of people I knew were on stage. :3
Squee! It was awesome. Me and Stacy loved it. She felt like dancing more than I did, though. XD Ah, Christino looked so hawt playing his guitar on stage. *giggles*>>;;; He is dead sexy when he's being a rock star. :3
Bought chocolate from Matthew before we went to see the assembly. XD I had a craving. oo; Shared it with Stacy, though. Doubt I could have handled it all without throwing up. </3
Lesse. English was alright. Turned in the persuasive speech that me and Jeanette wrote last night. <3 Then we went over the first three pages of scene III of Julius Ceasar. 'Twas coolio. <3
For Spanish. We didn't really do much. Did two tests. One open book, the other...no. I managed to cram in five minutes. XD Seeing as I didn't know that we were having an exam. o.o;
For third. Well, I already explained that. Cinco de Mayo! Woo! <3 Hawt stuff. Mucho orgullo. La raza Mexicana. Para siempre. TACOS! =D
Currently in fourth. And I have to go potty! *sobs and drinks her gatorade* oo;;; Shhhh!
Finished all my work! So, for this weekend, I have these assignments to work on:
Know the poem, Verde Luz by heart for Spanish: recite in front of class.
Read all of scene III of Julius Ceasar by Monday: test on Monday. <-- English.
Practice my speech for the Debate, also for English. Also take notes on what my opponents might fire back on me and Jeanette.
Finish any missing assignments for Spanish.
And that's it. Well, twenty minutes or less left until the bell rings, so I'm off. Bye, darlings.
Cinco De Mayo thingy tomorrow at school during third. Yayness! <3
Got to watch Memoirs of a Geisha during third, as well. <3
'Twas fun. Lots of the guys liked it, actually. Almost started crying again. XD
Eh, need to remind my parents about the trip to Italy and Greece. Alot more people are beginning to sign up. </3
Anyways. Not much today. Just lots of work for all my classes. Except history. XD
I have like two big tests to get ready for on Monday. A poem to know by heart. A speech to remember for English. And the debate is next Wednesday. Ugh.
Anyways. I'm off. Must go finish my work. Ciao. <3
Didn't get much sleep last night.
Mom lost it.
I yelled at her.
She cut my dad across the eye.
Tore up a bit of the sofa with a knife.
Almost slapped me for yelling, "Fuck you!" at her after she hurt my dad and left him on the floor, sobbing in frustration and bleeding.
When she came up to me, I started trembling and screamed that I wanted to die and broke down sobbing. Then she stopped and started rubbing my back, yelling at my dad.
Whatever.
I almost attempted suicide last night. <3
But I didn't.
I just have new cuts on my left arm.
In fourth right now. Likeohmygawd. The school is close to empty. w00t. Boycott day! <3
...Well. Parents stayed home and me and my brother had to go to school. Geefunfunlikew
*giggles*Liste
Oh! And I AM going to Italy and Greece next year. YAY! <3
Oh, and I might be gone for a week in about two months. Going to San Fransico with the family. I think.
AP World History test on Wednesday. Which means I'm going to cram today and tomorrow. Along with work on a speech with Jeanette for English. Ugh. Well, I'm off. Have work to finish for computers. Ciao. <3
[TEN Random Things About Me]
10. I space out when people talk to me. Not to be mean, though. It just happens.
9. I'll always attempt to help people. Even if they're being annoying. -.-
8. Humanity makes me go emo.
7. I cut myself. Ohmygawd. EMO WHORE!
5. I daydream. All the time. Likewhoa.
6. My therapists suggested that I may have A.D.D. :D
4. I hate bad memories.
3. I love to get stuffed animals from people. They make me feel happy. <3
2. I believe in Natural Beauty. <3
1. ...I have a frail heart. No matter what I say or do.
[NINE Ways To Win My Heart]
9. Give me hugs.
8. Make me laugh.
7. Cheer me up whenever I get sad.
6. Be yourself. Not someone else.
5. Walk with me in the rain.
4. Make me smile.
3. Give me a stuffed animal.
2. Be there for me.
1. Be a good friend.
[EIGHT Things I Want To Do Before I Die]
8. Go out of the country.
7. Become active in things I believe are right.
6. Go to and graduate from college.
5. Meet that special someone.
4. Get married. <3
3. Help people.
2. Be happy.
1. Go to college with Shelby/move in with her. Non-lesbian shmex. XD <3
[SEVEN Things That Annoy Me]
7. When people flip their hair in my face.
6. Ignorant tards.
5. Homophobes.
4. Humanity.
3. Animal cruelty.
2. Child abuse.
1. Depression.
[SIX Things I Believe In]
6. Life after death.
5. Aliens.
4. Ghosts.
3. Love.
2. Fairies.
1. True love.
[FIVE Things I'm Afraid Of]
5. Falling.
4. Being alone.
3. Rape.
2. Death.
1. ....depression
[FOUR Favorite Items In My Room]
4. My bed.
3. Alarm clock.
2. TV/DVD player.
1. Books.
[THREE Things I Do Everyday]
3. Go to school.
2. Think about Shelby.
1. Daydream.
[TWO Things I Want To Do Right Now]
2. Be with Shelby. Now and forever.
1. Sleep.
[ONE Person I Want to See Right Now]
1. Shelby. Because she's my one and only. And she's awesome and tastes better than Prozac. xD Hee. I love her sho mucho. <3
Mine and Shelby's song. Chyeah. <3
Nine Days-Absolutel
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Now how many days in a year
She woke up with hope
But she only found tears
Now I can be so insincere
Makin her promises never for real
As long as she stands there waiting
Wearin the holes in the soles of her shoes
Now how many days disappear
When you look in the mirror
So how do you choose
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Now how many lovers would stay
Just to put up with this shit
Day after day
Now how did we wind up this way
Watchin our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waiting
Wearin the clothes or the soles that we choose
Now how do we get there today
When we're walkin too far for the price of our shoes
Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
But you never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Well your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a girl
Her pretty face she hid from the world
And while she looks so sad and lonely there
I absolutely love her
This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles
Oh when she smiles!
Stephy:
Gee. Thank you, stupid, used computer. You messed up my digital camera. Which means, this stupid computer has just ruined my day. And you know what? I don't even know why I bothered to get back online. Meh. Screw you all. Unless I actually like you. Other than that, fuck you. <3
And now the speakers aren't working. Fucking AWESOME. Son of a fucking WHORE.
...This is what I get for not taking my medication today, bitches. Hee. Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK.
I swear. I feel like throwing one of those stupid tantrums that the stupid little rich girls on that Sweet Sixteen show on MTV do all the time. Those WHORES need to be dropped down in South Central and shot at. :3
Ugh, had download MSN, YIM, and AIM all over again, too. And all my photos and such that I had on the other computer are now GONE. Unless my dad actually managaed to save them. *sighs*
Well, updates on school life and such. -->
Honors English:
I have managed to scrape in a low B for the time being. It can still go down, though. Especially with the debate. But I've become lazy as of late. Gah. But, other than that, we haven't been doing much. Mr. Vorwald backed off for a bit due to the AP Exam. Now I'm just worried about his class AFTER the exam is over with. *shudders*
Spanish I
Trying to figure out if I'm going to take two years of Spanish, two years and then AP Spanish in my senior year, or just three years of regular Spanish for Native Speakers. Very confused about that. Anyways, that F should have gone away by now. I've turned in all but...three assignments? Though I think I bombed NASTY on the last test. Great. </3
Lunch:
...I have to include this because I don't EAT at lunch. Nooo. I either have homework to finish in the library or a club meeting. And when I have nothing else to work on, I usually get dragged there to the library by someone else. @.@ Not the most pleasurable time of the day.
AP World History:
Had to go to school today. On a Saturday. From seven until noon. Why? Practice test. Stupid AP Exam is next week. *whimpers*And I barely scraped a passing grade on the practice test. XD Along with almost everyone else. I'm also thinking of taking AP U.S. History in my junior year. Yup, yup. Another AP Class for me. ^^
Computers:
...Catching up on work that I've missed due to leaving early.
Chyeah. Now I'm just trying to figure out which classes I'm gonna take later this year. Honors English, AP U.S History and AP Enviromental Science are just some of the classes I'm interested in. And possibly photography as well. Ah, well. I'll look into it during May. <3
Anyways, other than that, getting my glasses, and being sick and angry at people, that's about it. Adios. <3
Written about Thursday 2006-04-27
Written: (6783 days ago)
Computer broke.
So, I may only be on during my fourth block class: Computers.
Unless my dad manages to fix the computer or buy whatever is needed. So, I don't know how long that will take. One day? A week? A month? Dunno.
So, yeah. Other than that, I have a cold. More stress from school --> I have an F in two classes. So I'm going to be busy making up work and working on projects for other classes.
AP Exam next week.
Trip to Italy and Greece is now a maybe...with a question mark right next to it. Money issues.
Anyways, whatever. Bye. <3