I don't know what to do anymore. i have severe depression. i really want to go see a therapist, but i odn't want to go tell my mom. My friend doesn't know this, but i think that he is a great therapist that doesn't cost anything.i really really want to talk to him about my problems, but i guess that i'm to afraid to tell him that i want to talk to him about my problems. last night, i did really really really really bad damage on my wrist. it looks like i ran my wrist across a mile long barbed wire fence. it looks really creepy and scary. I NEED ANTI-DEPRESSANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

if only someone knew exactly how i feel and would understand the things that are going through my head if i decided to tell them.

lately i feel like i just don't care anymore.i have started cutting again because i have unexplained depression. i try to controll myself, but it seems that i have a hard time.someone that i think is really close to me and a dear friend is seeing a therapist and my friend is thinking of picking up old habbits and for some reason, i think that my friend is doing those things because of me in some way or another.no matter what they tell me, like if they say that i'm not a part of their depression, i won't believe them. another friend that hurts herself a lot is going down hill also. i love her dearly and i care about her soooo much that she doesn't know.i wish that she wouldn't cut anymore. i wish that everytime that she was sad or depressed,no matter what time it is, i wish that she would call me and talk to me about her problems.

i think that my depression and anxiety are getting really out of hand and i think that i either need to go to a mental hospital or i need to be put om medication. none of my family members know about me cutting, but my mom and my grandma think that i am depresed. i can't even remember the last time that i smiled.

and since i am going throught a really hard time and have a lot of problems right now, i just found out that my best friend in the whole wide world can't come and see me this weekend.i'm 300 fucking miles away from any of my friends and i've been that way for two weeks. i'm really starting to go crazy.i'm having severe mood swings and i'm ALWAYS depressed, and almost every second i am having suicidal thoughts.

I have become an insomniac.i haven't slept for 3 days and i'm not really tired.I really don't want to tell my mom that i cut or that i have out of controll depression, i just wish that she would figure it out on her own and then ask me if i am depressed or some shit like that.


well i'll write more later.

I'M SSSOOOO BORED. la la la la la la la la. blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I GET MY BRACES OFF TODAY!!!! I"M SSOOO EXCITED.afterward, my mom and i are going to go out to eat at Chili's (mmmmmm *starts to drool*).then we are going to go show my beautiful teeth (not really) to my bestest friend in the whole wide world who is also my marshmallow fighting buddy(long story), Jodi.but before that, my mom and i are gonna go and buy her mom some flowers and a get well card because on the 4th of july, her mom's finger got ripped off. i feel bad for her mom. .oh yeah, and yesterday, my mom took me to a spa and i had my eyebrows waxed.
I have good news!!!! When i get my braces off, i'm gonna take a couple of pictures of me and put them on my house!!!!!!WELL G2G!! i'll w/b later!!