Can't do anything right and always the bad guy or the asshole of the family. I break away I'm wrong I want to be with friends I'm wrong. Can't break the bond of being a normal person too a fucking slave that will kill me some day. I can't make anyone happy with out hurting my self in long run. When will they learn I'm my own person not a servant to them anymore. As much as they try I am wrong and they are right. my life has come around a dark hole unable for me to break the bonds of servatude. Disabled family apperntly. I'm disabled as well with my life being a depressed wreck. All my friends try to help but my body just rejects the help. Being my friends is all I need from everybody. I can't handle hurting someone else. Inside my life is a fucking never ending twirl of sadness and hatred for my whole family for putting me through so many guilt trips My life has been through to much to even begin listening to them anymore. I have broken through clinical depression right into a depression I don't even know. I'm filled with messages of death and just mental break down. I try to fight it off. But the end will come one day and I will have to face my demons to the end of my life. why my family feels it is important to keep me on a tight rope of nothing of service. They are breaking me down into death and soon I will be alone in life because of them. Alone and ready to die because my life would have been nothing but hell and torture.We put on a face to show there is nothing wrong but inside everybody knows my dark secret of not wanting to live anymore. To all my friends who have helped me through hard times and kept me going even though I can't stand to live I thank you. to my Baby gurl I have only asked for your love and support through my darkness and you have tried to help me. But I must be alowed to fix my depression to a low level. My love for everybody who loves me is keeping me alive and well to fight my depression and I thank everybody for the help they have given me.

I can't help it anymore with out help of my friends. I go into my whole depression I wana kill myself flings with out warning or with the slightest stressful encounter I go through and now I'm going through one. Becca my fiancee keeps on changing her mind on me. and it just frustrates me and then the depression starts. So yeah at this paticular moment I wana die and kill myself I don't wana carve but it's hard to hold it back right now