So i guess really, ive been needing to just write some of my feelings down somewhere. Shes not suppossed to see me weak, but now she has. She'll never look at me the same. Now i really know what happened between Jason and Paul, cause im wearing the same steel toes. I am an addict, nothing ever makes me happy anymore......except for the shit.I need to start smoking weed again. Im so ashamed of myself, like chasing the dragon. You can keep running. You'll never catch him....
Do i really wanna change? I hope so...

Emotions are just another state of mind, like life or love, just a constant cycle of states of mind. When the cycle ends, so does everything else and we die. So why cant this world get in the right state of mind, compassion, and feel it for each other. Why can we only find it in ourselves to care for only ourselves, or in worse case not even for ourselves but instead nothing?

You know It's kinda sad the things I have forgiven, worse yet are the things I got angry about, but the only thing that tops it is the ones I just let go. The ones I forgot even happened because I told myself they didn't. I have to say that I am an amazing liar. I discoverd this the day I realized that I lie to myself all the time, and all my friends. -EMO ALERT!!!!- I lie to the world when I say I'm happy...... No matter what fortunes I come across there's always that one person who can bring it all back in an instance. The one person who can single handedly bring me happiness, breif as it may be, through their own suffering. The one not forgiven. Ever.....

(All emotions in entry above exclude guitar, I Love guitar........ Love with CAPS..... it makes me happy)

So, I get high alot now anyone whos listening.........but I have stopped drinking for the most part, whicn is good but then again I stared smoking again.....It's hard to get a hold of me so I hear and I work all the time.......I dont have money problems anymore cause I have nothing to spend it on........So thats me latly for anyone who wants to know but I havent really resonped to....

Nothing new, working, eating, sleeping, shiting, bathing, dreaming, wishing, wasting, away.

It's funny how I spent so much time missing the old days last year and now that time has passed and those too are just the "old days" and I find myself missing those times even more than the ones I missed before........ so confusing the mind of a teenager with adult responsibilities..... my parents told me about this......the whole adult world and missing being a kid, but it's not that I didn't believe them it's that I knew it would come for me all to soon....

Damn, I think I'm normal....

Afternoon Delight, Cocktails, and Moonlit nights while embracing the tropical contact High....

I Come from the water, where our love is pinned down and abused for being strange....

So walk with me in Hell and fall in love with dieing....

New messages

New messages New messages

NEW MESSAGES

We can't all be born beautiful......some of us will have to strive for the things in life that we really want and take it from those who once took advantage of it......

these are some of my lyrics i've been writing for Ghost Tonic......no one be offended....these are about no one in perticular....here goes........

(chorus?)
I miss you,
I miss you,
I hate you,
You hate me,

I kill you,
You kill me,
We all die,
Completely!

...........
CONFLICT,HATE,SEX,LOVE<....GO!
...........

If i hate then you control,
we are controlled by the ones we hate,
.....................................
And hate we do the ones controlled,
trapped in hate....completely normal,
...........
...........
(Repeat Chorus)

Gaze into the mirror to lick my lips,
I see a face, a Devil's Kiss,
SHE fucked, and fucked me hard,
The face is mine, I ate her heart,
...........
...........
(Bridge)
our knid we are,
the concealed weapon,
confide in me,
we'vw lost control,

pain or pleasure,
we're lost not noticed,
are you lost?
we've lost control.
.............
.............
(Repeat Chorus)
forecast my life,
cloudy with a sure chance of pain,
nothing to lose,
for loss means you had to gain,
..........
..........
my scars not a lust for blood,
but for my want to kill some one,
..........
i slice at veins,it's not for you,
but just to have some fun,
...........

every day you don't make up your mind your life becomes that much more stressful.....