"Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show"

Hey Larson . Just wanted to say I'm doin good . Our band is doin better bud . I hope you're proud of me . RIP man .


Paulsin

7th grade



stared at the girl next to me.



She was



my so called "best friend".



I



stared



at her



long, silky hair,



and wished she was



mine.



But she didnt notice me like that, i



knew it.



After class she



walked up to me and asked



me for the notes she had missed the day



before and



handed them to



her. She said "thanks"



and gave me a kiSs on



the cheek. I wanna



tell her, i



want her to



know that i don`t



wanna Be just friends, i love her but i`m



just too shy,



and i don`t know



why. .






11th Grade



The phone rang. on



the other end



it was



her. She was



in tears,



mumbling on



and on



about how her love had broke her heart.



She asked



me to come over



because she didn't want to be alone, so i



did. As i sat



next to her on



the sofa, i stared at



her soft eyes, wishing



she was mine.



after 2



hours,



a drew barrymore movie,



& 3 bags of



chips, she decided to go



to sleep. She



looked



at me,



said "thanks" and



gave me a kiSs on the



cheek. i wAnna tell her,



i want her to



kno



that i don`t



wanna be just



friends, i love her but



im just too shy, and idk wHy






Senior Year



The day before prom she walked to my



locker. "My date is Sick"



she said; he`s not qonna



go. well i didnt



have a dAte and



in 7th qrade we



made a promiSe that if



neither of us had dates we would go



together



just as "best



friends". So



we did.






Prom niqht



After everything was over i was standing



at her



front



door step. i stared



at her, She smiled at me



I want her



to be mine,



but she



doesn`t



think of me like that



and i kno it.



then she said "i Had the



best time,



thanks!" and gave me a kiss



on the cheek. i wanna



tell her,



i want her to kno that i don`t



want to be just



friends, i love her



but i`m just too shy,



and i



don`t kNow why






Graduation Day



a



day passed, then a week, then a month.



before i could blink, it



was graduation day. i watched as her



perfect



body



floated like an anqel



up on staqe to qet her



diploma. i wanted her to be mine, but she



didnt notice



me like that, and i knew



it. before everyone



went home, she came to me in her smock



and



hat, and



cried as i hugged her.



then she lifted



her



head from my shOulder and said, you`re



my



best friend,



thanks!" and gave



me a kiss on the Cheek.



i wanna tell her, i want her to know that



i



don`t wanna

be just friends, i

love her but i`m just

too shy, and i don`t know why

A Few Years Later

now i sit in the pews of the church. that

girl is gettinq married

now. i watched her say "i do" and drive

off

to her new

life, married to another man.

i wanted her

tO be mine, but she didn`t See me like

that

and i knew

it. But before she

Drove away, she came to

me n said you came!" She said. "thanks!"

and kissed me

on the cheek. i

wanna tell her, i want

her tO

know that i dont wanna be just

friends, i love

her but i`m just too

shy, and i don`t

know why }]|

Funeral

Years

passed,

i looked

down at the coffin

of a qirl who used to

be my "best friend". at the service they

read a diary

entry she had wrote in

her hiqh school years.

This is what it

read: i stare at him wishing

he was

mine, but he doesn`t notice

me like that, and i

know it. i wanna tell him, i wAnt him to

kno

that i

don`t wanna be just friends,

i love him but i`m

just too shy, and i don`t know why. i wish

he

would tell

me he loved me . . .i wish i

did too . i

thought to mySelf, and i Cried

MADE YOU LOOK !

All bitches is hoes

"Vermillion, Pt. 2"

She seemed dressed in all of me, stretched across my shame.
All the torment and the pain
Leaked through and covered me
I'd do anything to have her to myself
Just to have her for myself
Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

She is everything to me
The unrequited dream
A song that no one sings
The unattainable, Shes a myth that I have to believe in
All I need to make it real is one more reason
I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad.

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

A catch in my throat choke
Torn into pieces
I won't, nO!
I don't wanna be this...

But I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me
I won't let this build up inside of me

She isn't real
I can't make her real
She isn't real
I can't make her real

ok . so the girl that i speant all this time caring for . and loving . now just wants me to forget about her :'( I DON'T KNOW HOW THE FUCK I'M GOING TO DO THAT ! ! ! ! IF ANYONE KNOWS PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME CUZ I CANT TAKE IT ! ! ! i care for her so much . and i don't want to just let her go :'( she's so beautiful in every way . the only one that can make me smile so much . it seems like we've known eachother for so long . even tho we just started talking again :'( i've told her things that i've never ever ever ever told anyone ! it seems like we shared so much . but . i guess that doesn't matter anymore . i don't know what to fuckin do . it feels like my heart was ripped from me . i really don't want to have anything to do with this place anymore . but i've met some great people . Jessica . you know you mean so much to me . how come you're doing this :'( ? ? ? ? i don't want to just let you go . i can't just let you go ! but you're running away . i hate this so much . i can't stop fucking crying . this just sux . it's been so long since i've tried to get involved with someone . to let someone hold my heart like a newborn . and nurture it as if that heart was there own . i just don't fucking know :'( i really don't want to fucking be here anymore :'( i don't want to have anything to do with anyone if she's not here :'( I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKIN DO PEOPLE ! ! ! ! I HATE THIS ! ! ! ! I HATE MYSELF FOR LETTING MYSELF GET INVOLVED AGAIN ! ! ! ! I HATE HOW I CAN JUST LOVE SOMEONE AND GIVE THEM MY HEART ! BUT i love being in love . and i loved being loved back . i loved everything about jessica . i loved the way she talked to me . she had the most beautiful voice . i loved it how she said "hoi" after every time i said "heyyy" it was so fuckin cute :'( she's so beautiful . i just don't think i can forget this . it was so wonderful . i don't know if i should keep trying or just let things go . i really don't . but i don't think i can keep living like this . not talking to her . not hearing her voice wake me up in the morning . not hearing all the cute little things she does . i speant 17 dollars to get a fish out of a vending machine just for her . because it reminded me so much of her . cuz she told me that she wanted to be a whale trainer . and one of her favorite colors is pink . and it looked like a whale when i was trying to get it . and it was pink with tiger stripes on it . just like her new bet set :'( pink with stripes . she's gone ! ! ! she's fucking gone ! ! ! i can't fucking take it ! ! ! i don't know what happened but i can't take it . and .. FUCK ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

Well last night, my baby was supposed to call me :D but... something happened . and she never called me :( i missed her so much . I couldnt sleep for anything ): I just wanted to hear her voice again before i went to bed . and i waited and waited but noone called . but i'm sure she has a very good reason :D i just missed her so much ! i tried to call her, but noone answered . the time that i was .. seemed like forever . like i waited another hour, probably a little bit longer, for her to call me back; and that time that i waited seemed like days, i missed her so much . i still do . all i want to do is talk to me babe :(! i know shes sleeping right now . and i've got to go to work in not too long .. but I just miss her so much !!! it's like it's been days since i've talked to her . even thought its only been about 8 hours . and half that time i was sleeping . i miss her voice, and her laugh . so much . i cant wait to talk to talk to her again !

I think i might have said something wrong last night :(
I noticed a change in my babes mood all of a sudden . But she insisted nothing was wrong :(:( I want to call her back ! but she called me on her house fone :( I know the right thing to do is to call her back . but the last thing i want to do is to get her in trouble . This hurts so much . thinking that something might be wrong with her :'(

Jessica babe . I care for you . U know i care for you . U know i'm always here for you babe . And there's nothing that i'd do to hurt you . Theres nothing i'd do, on purpose... to hurt you babe ! And if theres something wrong babe .. please tell me :( you're my babe . and i'm here for you ! 24/7 ! ! ! I love you babe *kisses you on your forehead and holds you tight*

I think i just met the most wonderful woman i've come accross . her names Jessica . I dont know what it is about her . but i love every moment when i'm talking to her . even if theres nothing being said.. theres still a big smile accross my face . one that i havent had for the longest time now .

i really really care for her . and i wouldnt do anything to hurt her . but she doesnt know if she wants to fall in love . that hurts me inside . beings how i've grown to her since we've started talking . it made me want to cry when she said she didnt think she wanted to fall in love . i guess it really doesnt matter though . nothing is going to change the feelings i have for this woman . there is NOTHING that is going TO CHANGE the feelings i have for Jessica . Shes such a beautiful woman all around, that it's hard to explain . She has the most beautiful voice . The most beautiful laugh . I love her personality . And she's just the sweetest woman alive ! ! ! I'm so glad that i came back to ET when i did . if i didnt . who knows what would've happened . but all i know is that i'm so happy that her and i are talking . shes everything that i've ever wanted in a woman .

she said she had a dream the other night . and in her dream she told me she loved me . that touched my heart ! so much ! and it gave me a permasmile :D i really wanted to say that i loved her too . but maybe it'll be said in my dream .

i cant stop thinking about her lol right now i'm waiting up to see if she calls back :) I really hope she does . she's the first thing i think of when i wake up . shes the first person i message when i get on the computer . i think about her NON-STOP ! and i LOVE IT . i dont know of any woman that could make me feel like this in such a short time .
i know.. in my heart . my feelings are only going to grow for her . i care about her more than you people could imagine . probably more than she could imagine . and tonite . i just realized how much she likes me too . i'm loving every moment of this .

but yea . my point is . i just met an angel

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a ttoal mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe

this is just the coolest fuckin shit ever

Alrite :P This is for someone that made me do the SAME thing allllllllllllllll the time ;) You KNOW who you are (; SO READ :D lol

P.S.
Please dont end your relations with me . i'll be back one of these days to see how everyone is doing :D

:'( bye

for everyone thats reading this . thanks :')
all of you have been so wonderful . and have made my life so much better (': i'm sorry if i've hurt anyone . and i'm sorry if i hurt anyone with this goodbye . i've got to move on and live life :') even though i dont want to :'( i dont want to leave any of you . you've been so great to me . you're all just the most wonderful people :) good luck in life everyone *hugs*

February 27, 2005

Today we finished our song . We dont have a name for it . Again ... the singers are debating on how theyre going to name the song . But.. al in all , the song is done and on wednesday we're going to start our third song . That one is already planned out . we just have to throw the parts together ^^ so by the end of the week we should have three songs :) thats all i have to say :D:D:D

[February 23, 2005]

[ALRIGHT ! ! ! Still no fucking name lol BUT . The name of our first song is 'Support' . We decided to drop our second song and work on that one later . NOW we started and finnished what would've been our 3rd song ... but our singers are having problems naming things :P one wants to name the song by some of the lyrics that are put into the song and the other wants to name it by what the song has to do with .. anyways .. we finnished the song .. just i dont know the name :P AND we started what would've been our 4th song already .. and got the basics of that one down . So yea .. we're good to go . Our next practice is Sunday the 27th . After that we should have 3 songs made :D I'm talking to them about getting a studio or something so that I can show everyone our songs . TRUST me .. anyone that loves metal is going to love is :D:D:D:D we are so fucking kikbutt :P]

February 21, 2005

I know it's been some time sence I updated this ... lol i'm so lazy :P but here's whats new with the band ^,^ STILL HAVENT DECIDED ON A NAME {not so new lol} . The bass player that said that he didnt want to jam with us.... not does because he doesnt like the other band that he wanted to be in . So now we have two singers . We're COMPLETELY done with our first song . But i dont know what the name of it is . Just know how its played . We started a second song and thats about it . The lyrics that the two singers were using suck ... it was something i wrote. .. but it just doesnt fit with the song so thats unfinished. And... last saturday ... we started another song . really confusing intro ... the drums are completely off from the guitar .. but we're both working with a 7 count beat {i really dont know what its called lol u count to seven and then after that it starts over} then after the intro ... which is the chorus ... the drums and the guitar sound bad ass together . We dont have any lyrics or bass lines for the song yet... but we're going to work on that this wednesday . :D And thats it ^.^ I think lol OH AND I GOT A NEW AMPLIFIER :D:D:D:D ITS A IBANEZ FULL STACK . LOOK THRU THE REST OF MY PAGE AND CHECK IT OUT :D:D:D:D:D

[February 9th, 2005]

[I left work today so that we could practice . I guess now we're going to have two vocalists ! ! ! This is just way too badass ! ! ! Adam and Belldar are both going to scream the fuck outta shit now :D:D:D:D its way awesome ^.^ Now its been about two months since we started making this song ... maybe a couple weeks less ... we dont have a bass player still but i talked to my old friend Saen and i think he's going to play bass for us . So we recorded our song today with two singers ... and it was great . I cant believe how well things went together right away . We didnt change the song itself any ... just had two vocalists both incorporating their lyrics into the song . Our next practices are going to be this Saturday {Feb 12, 2005} and Sunday, the day after at noon . We're also going to start working on our next song :D I think that's what sunday is going to be for .]

February 5th, 2005

We had practice this morning at 10 and it went awesome . Everything went together perfect and we recorded about 4 times . We had to change our song, lengthen it some so that Bell's lyrics could fit the song better . I dont like the recorder that we're using because the drums and the vocals overpower the guitar ... but if you turn the guitar up just a smudge ... the guitar is overpowering the vocals and drums ... kinda sux ... but it still works .

[February 3rd, 2005]

[Last night, which would be the second... the band came over and we played the song maybe twice and then we recorded it... it didnt turn out the best, so I guess it was pretty much a sound check :P we shoul've done that in the first place :P but tomorrow, the 4th ... we're going to practice for a few hours and more than likely record it again . Hopefully we'll be able to start on our second song too ^.^ I cant wait .]

February 1st, 2005

Well tomorrow (Feb. 2nd, 2005) we've got band practice and i'm thinking we're going to record our first song . Bobby {percussions} told me that Beldar {lead vocals} is going to play bass for us and now hes going to be a backup singer while Adam is going to take lead vocals {kikass ^,^} . And Bob just told me that I have a voice too and he wants to try hooking me up to a mic so that i can be a backup singer too :) This is going to be tuff :P I'm not that talented ^.^ For sure I'M going to record us tomorrow and try and get it on the computer somehow, so that all of you that want to hear us jam, can ^.^

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