[It isn't so bad here.]'s diary

522544  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-03-15
Written: (6953 days ago)

someone asked me to write poems that didnt rhyme, they thought i could get more emotion out of them... so PLEASE message me and tell me which you think are the best...

[today...]
today i sat and i cried
i cried over u and why i love u
& how u can treat me so badly
yet at that moment i can love u
i cried over the fun that we had
and for all the things that make me love u
today i sat and i cried
i cried for our friendship that is gone
i cried over that special thing u knew
and now the thought is gone
i cried for the future
but between me and u its gone
today i sat and i cried
i cried for u
1-5-2005

[reality or fiction]
reality and fiction thers not a difference anymore
you cut urself to make sure ur alive.
but not for long cause you cut too deep
look what you did ur goin to die
u pressed too hard ur bleedin too much
theres no way now, its over ur gone
(11-28-04)

[All about Her]
1 lost child
in the world
doesn’t know
how to feel
doesn’t know
what to do
she thinks
it is love
but it is
lust
she thinks
its heaven
but its
hell
she wants
to follow
but she
revolts
she thinks
she is normal
but she
is original
(11-23-04)

[cyber me69]
should I trust you?
Are you lying?
Do you love me?
Then why am I crying?
Of course I love you
Why wouldn’t I?
What do you think?
Im telling a lie?
Maybe I am
I don’t remember anymore
Love should be a gift
It shouldn’t be a chore
So what happens now?
Do you leave or do I?
Just go away
B4 I start to cry
Get your things later
Please leave me alone
I am asking you please
Just stay at home
(11-03-04)

[~This Night]

In the year
There’s only one night
It’s filled with wander
It’s filled with fright

There are no limits
To what you are
You can be an angel
Or a zombie with a scar

All of the candy
It’s sweet and wonderful
You wander where it went
You had a whole bag full

Some of the costumes
Make you start screaming
Dark and Dangerous
On this Halloween evening

You can’t recognize anyone
No longer; anymore
This is all you hoped
And a little more

As it draws to an ending
You wish you could stay
From here on out
Forever this way.
(10-21-04)

[What am I?]
What I am is just a recluse
A destructive mind no longer in use
You all hide and run away
You will come back just not today
When you do I will find out
I will break you without a doubt
The only part that I regret
Are the things we will never forget?
Me and you under the stars
as I watched you heal my scars
But now its over never again will you came back
You left me forever and left me in the black
(10-18-04)

[You're my Everything]
i lie awake
and dream of it
im not sure
what 'it' is yet
i try to think
and figure it out
i think of life
and what its about
sometimes it is
the best thing ever
and sometimes i
would rather not bother
(9-30-04)

[~the place]
I dream of a place of death and sorrow
everyone thats here will never see tomorrow
they want to leave and get away
they want the pain to go today
if they are sad or if they die
all depends on this dream of mine
there is only one that will remain alive
he only lives is so u can survive
he breaks ur heart and now u want death
u let him go and take ur last breath
(9-27-04)

[~cut yourself]
cut once and then like it
do it again and say 'oh, shit'
cut too deep and blood now flows
look at the wrist and there r 3 rows
think to his face and regret what u did
there is no way to stop it this is the end
say 'please dont take me'; theres no turning back
tell him u love him and everything fades to black
(9-23-04)

[~just once]
you see him once
and your in love
your heart is light
like a feather of a dove
you wish you were together
just one time
you want to be with him
thats it; bottom line
you now have a chance
and your heart starts to pound
you feel like you will faint
as your eyes look down
you let him pass you by
and you miss your turn
you realize you did
and your heart starts to burn
(9-20-04)

[~the time]
i will love you evermore
u dont know what u mean
i was horrified at the time
i found out u left me
it goes through my head everyday
how u decided to go
why u left all of us
is what i want to know
if you ever want to talk
i swear i'll understand
as we talk to each other
we will be hand in hand
(9-17-04)

[>Dream<]
i dream of us
and what we could do
how when were together
neither is blue
i dream of you
and dream of me
how together exactly
what we could be
now i awake
and wish it were true
then i realize
im lying next to you
everything i dreamt
its all been real
we love each other
and thats how i feel
(9-16-04)

[~Last breath]
Its chasing me now
I cant get away
Its dark and black
And only sees gray
it doesnt only chase me
its after him too
what it wants from us
i havent got a clue
this dark thing we see
its name is Death
this Death will leave us
with only our last breath
what it cant take away
is our eternal love
once Death attacks
we'll both be sent above
(9-15-04)


[~repeat]
every time that im with you
its just the same; deja vu
this happens over and over again
all this shit will never end
now i melt in your arms
but i know im in no harm
and then you tear my heart to peices
all of my love; it never pleases
when this happens i try not to care
but all this pain i just cant bare
now it bothers me when you say
we'll get married; somehow someday
we're best friends and you love me so
and now you cant seem to let me go
i walk away and then turn around
i look at you and my heart now pounds
one more look at you to see
just what it was you saw in me
(9-12-04) 3:56am


[.~.No One.~.]
there is no one here
to be with me
there is no one that
will ever see
what it is
thats wrong with me
i always ask you
to leave me be
maybe thats
the reason you leave
all this pain
only you can relieve
(9-10-04)


[>Me<]
you dont want to be like me
trust me i know
i go through many things
i'd rather not show
everything that happens to me
is why i act like this
and the way ppl talk about me
it make me get pissed
i dont care who you are
or how you act
i hate you and all your about
and thats a fact
(9-9-04)

[~the end]
in my head
there are voices
all theese things
they make noises
they tell me things
i dont wanna do
they tell me that
i should hurt u
i never listen
to what they say
i always tell them
to go away
sometimes they do
but then come back
sometime soon
eventually ill crack
if u ever get hurt
know i didnt mean to
its the voices in my head
that did all this to u
someday soon you will know
how much i really care
in the end we will learn
how we both make a great pair
(9-8-04)


[~in my head]
all these things in my head
which ones should i believe
the ones that really hurt
pain only death can relieve
the ones that all remind me
of the fun that we've had
or should i trust the ones
that are real and make me sad
death is the only thing
on which all can rely
when it is our final turn
we will wither and we will die
when this does happen
there is one place we will go
there are two possibilities
we can go up or down below
they say that up is beautiful
but the opposite if you go down
that above should make you smile
and below in fire you will drown
(9-2-04)


[~All About You]
this right here is what i feel
i want to hurt i want to kill
i want to beat i want to shoot
i want to kill you thats absolute
what i wish is what i want
i want to make fun; i want to taunt
all this stuff bottled up in me
now i am finally setting it free
what i tell you is what you should hear
i want you dead in the time near
listen carefully to what i say
it will happen somehow, someday      
(8-30-04)

[~inside]
I hide this shit from you
It makes me fucking mad
All this crap i do
I keep it all inside
I hold it in my heart
I want tell you when it hurts
But i know you'll fall apart
The last cut of my life
It has never made sense
I say goodbye now
And give my last consents
(8-19-04)


[~Here]
here i sit
wondering why
thinking about us
you and i
now i remember
and start to cry
i think to before
and begin to die
Psychology class (8-10-04)


[~my eternity]
One cut,
its gone.
One rope,
its over.
my life,
its done.
my heart,
its yours.
my mind,
its lost.
my eternity,
its finished.
my pain,
its dead.
(8-4-04)

337718  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-08-30
Written: (7149 days ago)

this weekend i went to the skatepark. this time i actually attempted to skate though! yay! its so fun... i really need to learn how to turn and stop better though. while i was there me and [sorry this page has been deleted] decided we were goin to put justin in the garbage can and it didnt work too well... out of that i got a ciggarette burn on my forehead! lol... and earlier that night i accidentally stepped on shannon's [sorry this page has been deleted] hand and broke her nail halfway down in the meat! eww! cool but eww! lol well gtg

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