so, my ex girlfriend of five months drove all the way to south dakota, where i have been staying, to ask me to give her a second chance... i told her that i would but some things have got to change... like the whole reason we broke up. lack of communication. she agreed, and she left. that was five days ago, i texted one of her friends three days ago and told her to have my ex call me, even gave her the number to call me at and told her that i would be available all day. she said that she would pass along the message... Megan never called. i called her yesterday and she said that she never was told to call me, and thus she didnt... plus i found out that she has been dating another guy that she broke up with in case i gave her another chance... OH AND here is the biggest piece of news of all... SHE IS FUCKING PREGNANT AND WON'T EVEN GO BACK OUT WITH ME WHEN SHE SAYS SHE FUCKING LOVES ME AND I KNOW I LOVE HER... I CANT GET HER OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND... then she was wondering why i was crying and pissed when i want to raise my fucking child but she wont even let me do that. what the fuck did i do to deeserve this fucking shit? what did i do to her that was so wrong? i just wanted to get over her and move on with my life... that is why i came here... now that shit wont happen because i have a fucking kid on the way and have to worry about its well being... what the fuck... i just want to fucking die... like she asks me for another chance then denies me from her life after she finds out that she is pregnant... slightly ironic if you ask me... will someone please kill me? PLEASE?!?!?!?!?!

this is the last one of the year... cuz have to make one entry per year... i am just crazy like that...

well today kinda sux... i wont be home all day... i gotta work and all that bullshit. i had a meeting with my Probation Officer and she is a bitch most of the time.... she says one thing to your face and does another behind your back... but i wont be home and that is a good thing and a bad thing at the same time.... i wont have to deal with my dad but i DO have to work and wont get to sit...:( i find it kinda sad though... the ones whom i fall in love with are the ones that could never have worked out... and for this i cry inside and wish for death.... but at the same time, i hope that one of them will work and one of these people that say they love will actually mean it and be true... then i will be happy. This is why i go on living. but my one fear, the only thing i am afraid of is not death itself, it is the condition of my death and if i found my TRUE love or not. i probably sound female right now going all "gushy" as some people would put it... but i dont really care... and i am done.

im kewl