"She Says"-unwritten law

Father I've sinned
over and over and over and over again
sorry my friends
I'm such a mess
I'm doing the best I can
She says "where ya goin? where ya been?"
She says "I don't want you hanging out with them"
She leaves like she's never coming back again on and on...
it goes on and on YEA

She says "I don't love you like I loved you before"
She says, she says "I don't love you anymore"

and mother I've tried over and over and over to open my eyes
look at my life
tell me when did I die
cause I'm not alive
flip through the script and tell me what it says
skip through the story tell me how it ends
she says that we're probably better off as friends
on and on and... yeeeaaaa

she says "I don't love you like I loved you before"
She says, she says.... YEEEAAAA
She says "I don't love you. I don't love you anymore."
She says, she says "I don't love you. I don't love you. I don't love you anymore."
she says she says she says "where ya going"
I know I know I know I know I know
she says she says she says "where ya going"
I know I know I know I know I know
she says she says she says "where ya going"
I know I know I know I know I know
she says she says she says "where ya going"
I know I know I know I know I know
WHAT I WANT

you... you called the police
you called them on me
and I want to go anywhere but home
I... I'm done listening to whats wrong with me
cause it goes on and on and on and on YEA

she says "I dont love you like I loved you before"
she says she says... YEEEAAA
she says "I dont love you. I don't love you anymore"
she says, she says "I dont love like I love you anymore."

"Save Me"- unwritten law

Had a bad day, don't talk to me,
gonna ride this out,
My little black heart, breaks apart,
with your big mouth.

And I'm sick of my sickness
Don't touch me, you'll get this.
I'm useless, lazy, perverted,
and you hate me.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wakeup call,
And everything, everything's my fault.

Went to the doctor, and I asked her,
to make this stop. (whoa)
Got medication, a new addiction,
Fucking thanks a lot.

I had to relapse, I'm bad at rehabs
It ruins everything. (whoa)
So point your finger, at the singer,
He's in the pharmacy.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.

You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, and everything's my fault.

And I'm a death threat haven't slept yet,
Baby why the wake up call
I'm the bad boy tell the tabloids
everything's my fault.

Whoa whoa whoa yeah, write it write it,
Whoa Whoa whoa everything's my fault,
everything's my fault.

I went to heaven, but couldn't get in,
For what I have done.
I said please take me, they said you're crazy
you had too much fun.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
Well I'm waiting for my wake up call,
and everything's my fault.

You can't save me,
You can't blame me,
Well I'm waiting here to take a fall,
and everything, everything's my fault.

You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,
You can't save me,
You can't change me,(everything's my fault)
You can't save me,
You can't change me,

Everything's my fault.

"I'm A Fake"- the used

[Spoken:]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care
I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus:]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x42]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x42]

Do I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look
The people around me, the people surround me
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus]

My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace
I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face
and this sicknes isn't me, I pray to fall from grace
The last thing I see is feeling
And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x42]
And I'm telling you I'm...

[Chorus]

She vs They
She fights the pills, they take over..
She pushes the tears back like a wall, they over flow all over.
She trys to hold the scarems in, they turn into weeps of sarrow.
She blames herself for the tears on her cheek.

They took her.
They hate that she could for once be happy.
They broke a perfect match.
They make her cry every second of the day.

She loves her baby girl.
She changed to be her babydoll forever.
She watched as her love left all over again.
She tired as hard as she could to keep her safe from their harm.

They punished her.
They made her remember what is like to be alone forever.
They don't care if she dies, just as long as they can live their lives.
They pushed her down so many times that she blames them.

She wants to be there to help.
She is shaking writing this to her baby girl.
She is broken without the love of her life by her side.
She understands both sides, but she despies them for taking her away.

They disagree with what she does.
They don't sit down and talk, just scream and yell.
They don't say they are proud when she is a good girl.
They just sit there and control her as a pupet on a string.

She cries at night when no one is near.
She hates being on her own.
She won't give up even if it is forbidden.
She promises to be good, not hurting her baby anymore.

They forbid them seeing eachother.
They get her hopes up then chrush them.
They don't know they abuse her, they don't know what they say hurts.
They don't know how it is to be a lost soul, just being found.

She wants her.
She is begging her to promise she wont do anything stupid.
She loves her more than anything.
She wants to get married and have a family with this girl they forbid to see.

They make it like Romeo and Juliet.
They can't understand how much they need eachother.
They won't look in her eyes cause they know they will see their lies.
They won't let her baby girl out of the cage.

She breaks now that she is gone.
She is sorry for all the hurt.
She prays they will change their mind.
She runs hoping to get rid of this pain inside.

They laugh when she is one the floor crying her eyes out.
They come in at the wrong time.
They won't let her live her life, they are taking their anger out on her.
They don't dare look at how much she cries, just let the demons dry her tears.

She wants to touch her with a soft kiss.
She wants to grab on for she fears she is floating away.
She hates them for taking her away.
She punches the snow for all the anger she wont let show..

But they both have things in common.
They both have hurt her.
They both won't let her go.
They both see the tears she cries.

But the babydoll will do anything to be with her baby girl.
The babydoll will be her armor when they are shooting.
The babydoll will be here forever, she will never give in.
The babydoll will be her savior when they come down to try to kill her.

Questions in my head...


Do i need her?
Do i really want this in my life?
Where will she go when i leave?
Where will my heart be when i walk away?
Can i handle what her ex is saying?
Can i protect myself from being broken again?
Is she lieing?
Is this all pretend?
What happens when i want to leave and she wants me to stay?
What happens when i get so fed up with this shit and just leave?
How many times must i remind myself i will be okay in the end?
How many times must i tell her that i give up?
Should i just say this is very fucked up?
Should i walk out the door to never return?
Will she know that i love her forever if i leave tonight?
Will i ever believe her when she tells me, it is just me?
Does she want me to really stay?
Does this all have to be in my head forever?
When will this all stop?
When can i just be myself around her?

For Every Time There Is Forever...

For every time I have messed up, I shall make it up forever.
For every time I said I didn't care, I shall care forever.
For every time I said it was okay when it wasn't, I shall make it be okay forever.
For every time I was not there to dry your tears, I shall stay right by your side and kiss them away forever.
For every letter I did not give you on time, I shall send random ones forever.
For every kiss I did not give you, I shall make every kiss last forever.
For every moment I cannot be with you, I shall make the time we share together special forever.
For every time we are apart, I shall go to our cloud and wait for you forever.
For every time we fight, I shall be sorry forever.
For every time I was not there to hold you, I shall hold you close forever.
For every time I ran, I shall run again but this time to you forever.
For every time I didn't believe you, I shall believe you forever.
And most of all for all the time of my life that I did not know you and did not love you...
...I shall love you forever....

She fights the pills, they take over..
She pushes the tears back like a wall, they over flow all over.
She trys to hold the scarems in, they turn into weeps of sarrow.
She blames herself for the tears on her cheek.

They took her.
They hate that she could for once be happy.
They broke a perfect match.
They make her cry every second of the day.

She loves her baby girl.
She changed to be her babydoll forever.
She watched as her love left all over again.
She tired as hard as she could to keep her safe from their harm.

They punished her.
They made her remember what is like to be alone forever.
They don't care if she dies, just as long as they can live their lives.
They pushed her down so many times that she blames them.

She wants to be there to help.
She is shaking writing this to her baby girl.
She is broken without the love of her life by her side.
She understands both sides, but she despies them for taking her away.

They disagree with what she does.
They don't sit down and talk, just scream and yell.
They don't say they are proud when she is a good girl.
They just sit there and control her as a pupet on a string.

She cries at night when no one is near.
She hates being on her own.
She won't give up even if it is forbidden.
She promises to be good, not hurting her baby anymore.

They forbid them seeing eachother.
They get her hopes up then chrush them.
They don't know they abuse her, they don't know what they say hurts.
They don't know how it is to be a lost soul, just being found.

She wants her.
She is begging her to promise she wont do anything stupid.
She loves her more than anything.
She wants to get married and have a family with this girl they forbid to see.

They make it like Romeo and Juliet.
They can't understand how much they need eachother.
They won't look in her eyes cause they know they will see their lies.
They won't let her baby girl out of the cage.

She breaks now that she is gone.
She is sorry for all the hurt.
She prays they will change their mind.
She runs hoping to get rid of this pain inside.

They laugh when she is one the floor crying her eyes out.
They come in at the wrong time.
They won't let her live her life, they are taking their anger out on her.
They don't dare look at how much she cries, just let the demons dry her tears.

She wants to touch her with a soft kiss.
She wants to grab on for she fears she is floating away.
She hates them for taking her away.
She punches the snow for all the anger she wont let show..

But they both have things in common.
They both have hurt her.
They both won't let her go.
They both see the tears she cries.

But the babydoll will do anything to be with her baby girl.
The babydoll will be her armor when they are shooting.
The babydoll will be here forever, she will never give in.
The babydoll will be her savior when they come down to try to kill her.

I see a sense of wonder deep inside your eyes
As we’re sparkling and twirling in the twilight
And after three long years, I think that we both need this
So we seal the deal in the parking lot with a kiss

And in case you
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You’re all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
and you sweetly retire as stars chase you away

I’d collapse to the grass, with your notes ringing in my head
Let the rain fill my mouth, and in a couple hours I’ll be dead
But all the while my lips are whistling our tune
But the beauty lies in how you will revive me soon

And in case you, and in case you
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You’re all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
and you sweetly retire as the stars chase you away

And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You’re all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
and you sweetly retire as the stars chase you away

And in case you were wondering, you are like a hurricane to me
Your violence is beautiful, and your center sweet
Now tell me this, do you know how we’d meet?

And in case you were wondering, you are everything to me (to me)
<< this is not mine but i loved it and it was an awsome poem so baby girl if you see this just know how i feel okay?>

let's be random...shall we?? hehe i want to write a story and be a dork so i shall...

   Tired, she is so tired. She can see all the pain in herself as she goes though the pictures of her and her family.All of them with friends, pets, people she used to know so very well.
   The christmas's she used to have, big house family to come home to when it is cold. Pictures on the walls of people they loved, people she still thinks of. She really did used to be happy. Would stop when it rained on the road going to school picking up worms that were going to die, and putting them in the dirt.*very dorkish* Never had problems, never thought suicide thoughts.
   Years go by so fast she realized. People come and people go. You get turned every witch way when they pass..3 years of a relationship she knew wouldnt last. Playing with peoples emotions like puppets on her finger tips.Broken inside and never letting it show.People will say its okay when it isn't. People say they will stay then they all just walk away.
   She wont trust again. Never letting it all come to an end. She will be this way forever cold, broken, heartless, forever lost. She ponders about her savior, who will be there when she wakes from her dream her life long nightmare...
  Will her Baby Girl be there to hold her or will she just up and leave? Right when she found someone she truly loved there has to be problems, everthing has to be messed up so much. She is trying so hard to let everything out not hide away. Not be cold, broken, the person she has been all along.
  Trying to cry with her baby, but the tears don't come out.. So her angel leaves her breaks her more.. She just wanted to be happy, make her own life with her. She cries at night now..
   Hoping it will be okay one day, telling their kids the story of how mommy met mommy. *Bite of a canddy apple for a kiss*. All she wants is to live the rest of her life not in flaw but instead, love and acception for who she is...Be with her Baby Girl for the rest of her life have a family...Now she is screaming "Please don't leave me"...

you let me go..now don't fall...
no one will ever own me...
no one will stay forever...
i learnd that with cutting tonight. i learnd that you never cared...
you let me walk away fucking every time...
so just leave again not like you didnt want it...i know you have been thinking it..in your eyes, they hurt..you can see it hurts me...you cut me...fucking broke me...you said forever...
fuck that...*sleeps on the couch*
all the memories..fuck....fuck...fuck...i see them..
i cant reach you anymore...i have to leave...
i have to get out of the house..
maybe i did it to deep this time... maybe i did call the wrong person...
maybe i broke because you said forever this morning...now it is never...
well aghhhhh.....*rips hair*
it wont stop...please someone stop me..
i lost her forever...now i am trying not to let go of me...
fuck this....i cant take it...kill me.....

waiting for the pills to setal in.
should i have took more?
3 cuts to try to be real...no blood spilled
5 pills can't see right now but oh well...
there goes my life threw it away.
now look where i am, lost in my mind.
she says i am not me..
well then who the hell am i?
i don't want to let her in me i dont want her beside me.
i cant take all the confusion that comes with this.
i have to go away just for a bit, just dont talk to me.
don't touch me i can't feel you anyways.
i feel the pills, my eyes close.
can it all fade away? can i make it all go away?
NO
but i can pretend to hold her tonight.
i will pretend that i am in her arms one last time.
*cries*
i want out. i want her with me... i can't think i just want to be me no more pretending one more chance to prove i will open up.
never going to get it am i?
my angel has flown i am afraid that i will never get a chance...
she laughs when i cry.if i am so fake why did it hurt when i herd that beep-beep-beep??
If i am so fake then why can i feel now, why can i not fake at all?
do you get what i am saying..maybe i am not her...i thought this is what you want...
but i am tonot get a chance...
is this my last good-bye?

*Kill*
Bruised and broken, fuck the world again…
Torn and pushed around all the time, I am deciding to do something about it.
Grabs a knife, gun in pocket.

Walks up…Stab, Stab… Bang, Bang…
What now? Huh…? You going to do it again? I think not!

She is a person not a play toy… Anyone that thinks they will get away with it will suffer…I promise…
It is not a threat… Just a promise from me to you.

No one touches her but me. I promise to never hurt my baby.
I don’t care anymore if I throw my life away, it will be all for you baby.
All for the only one in my life…

Blood splatters when then bullet goes in. I told you so…
Don’t tempt me I will not be happy.
Touch her once I can’t help.
Touch her over and over again this time you are going to be in pain.

I will make life hell for you and all around you.
You should never touch an angel because they have guardians too, you know?
Guardians not afraid to get hurt, not afraid to lose it all for that one perfect angel.

She is mine and I am hers I will protect her from you.
The devil that has entered her life will be gone in one attempt.

When the blade goes through your cold heart, I promise to share the words “Go to hell” with you.
You do not deserve to live just like she does not deserve to be treated like that.
Just a girl gone through a life time of pain.

Trust me when I say you will suffer a long and cold death.
No one by your side to hold your hand when you see the light.
But I will tell you that she is taken care of, she is in my watch now.
I will hold her hand when it gets tough, I will walk beside her when the night gets dark.

You will die…I will be the one to kill you…
Stab, Stab…Bang, Bang…

Heartless
Broken, every time broken. She broke me, took a piece. You broke me took the rest.
Now i look at you in pity, never did before but how could you play with me like that?
Heartless.
Seems as if we both are, huh?You with play me, I play with you WOOHO!
You love her,not me. And i am someone elses baby!Someone has all of me and won't give it back so I am waiting for the day I will run to her.Looks like you are waiting for the same thing.So we should just say good-bye.
I am sorry for being...
Heartless..
You hurt me one to many times and when i saw that I said no more, cut to deep took onw to many pills. No i will walk the hills in disbelief of ever loving you.I never did, and never ever will...
Heartless bitch....go ahead and call me that i dont care...

no name...
Thinking about everything you said ever word you said to me.
Eyes closing from no sleep.*so tired*
Tired of fighting, tired of head games, or our games we both play.

He said, “There is no way your taking me back”
Starting to believe him.
Want to make it work, really do.
I am so happy with you.
If you must know what truly makes me happy…I will tell you…
It’s not just being with you.
It is: having someone to hold me, needing you to be with me.. It’s the smile I don’t have to fake when I am with you. It is ever little thing about you…

Maybe you do rely on me to much, but Baby Girl, I will try to hold us up. I will try to make it right…

I don’t want to lose you. I just want to have our OWN relationship. No more saying we’re like the others but saying we have our own things going on…No more saying we understand to what it going on in others lives…I don’t want to understand I want to learn from this or…I am losing…

I am sick of this…head games…all I can do is try…if you’re asking for more… you are asking for you much.

The test is this to me. “Tell you what really will make me happy.”

If that is not right than I am more lost than I will ever be… Well you now know what will make me happy. Anything else you want to know you will have to ask. I am not going to drop this. I care too much and want YOU to much to just stop!

I love this fucking song...i feel all of this i feel so fucking god damn lost...so fucking alone...Matchbook Romance- Your stories- my alibies....

Speak to me tell me something so typical a lullaby or something so miserable that will keep me up at night cross out my eyes I know you planned it you know I love you and I can't stand it we just lost control Lie to me Give me something worth living for Tell me a reason worth fighting for Give me anything Anything to keep me breathing Lie to me Give me something worth living for Tell me a reason worth dying for Give me anything Anything to keep me breathing Lie to me tell me stories so beautiful an epic, or something so terrible that it makes me weep cross out these days on your calendar it hurts me so much and I'm not quite sure I care anymore

Matchbook Romance....Promise...i love that song but it brings so many memories...baby girl i miss you

What would you say if I asked you not to go.
To forget everyone forget everything and start over with me Would you take my hand and never let me go promise me you'll never let me go.
And now the stars aren't out tonight but neither are we to look up at them why does hello feel like goodbye.
These memories can't replace. These wishes I wish and dreams I chase.
Take this broken heart and make it right I feel like I've lost everything when your gone.
Left remembering what its like. To have you here with me I thought you should know.
Your not making this easy I never thought I'd be the one to say "Please don't, please don't leave me".
Take my hand and never let me go. Take my hand and never let me go. Promise me.. You'll never let go Make this last forever...

               3:37AM 
           Care to much..
Back-stabbed, betrayed, broken.
Cut open to pieces, when you all knew it..
I want to run from caring about you all...
I want to be selfish for once, just one time I want to feel like I have a say at all.
You took me forgranted, now you don't know who to run to when I say "No!"
"Screw You!", I yell in my head. Wishing I could just say it out loud.
You all hurt me so much. I just don't want to care. Don't want to feel real.
I want to be cold, numb inside to you and everything else I hide.
You will see the smile on my face as I walk down the hall,
But when I go home I take the smile and put it in the razor blade, that brings my blood, the pain I hide..
Hide all my wounds with smiles, closing my insides with hellos.
All I ever wanted was to be happy, but caring is one thing I am good at.
So I will care tell it becomes my death, I don't want to die but I cannot stop caring.
So when you see the cuts don't say anything, go on with your happy life as if you didn't see it.
I am just your councilor, your friend, someone you could confine in..
When you are done with me, push me to the side.
Through me away, I won't feel it cause I am always in the trash everywhere I go.. That is my home...

                     10/18/04 2:50A.M. 

                                    My
                               Suicide Note
A girl screams out, "Fuck life"! No one hears the scream and she hides in her corner. She realizes she is alone. Not just that there is no one with her at the moment, but she has no one to fall back on when things get hard. She takes the blade and slices one more time.
The blood drips from her wrist and her arm gose numb. "I couldn't feel it all before so why not make the pain feel real", she asks herself?
So many scars on her wrists, stomach, and legs, what is one more just to add to thouse? All the people that have tried to help have faild. She pushed them all away and when she did they all ran the other way.No one to confind in, no one to seek help to. She was completly empty.
She thought about what she did, could have done, and did not do right. The memories of her Baby girl ran in her mind for days. She knew she could not forget this girl that was in her life for nothing less than a couple weeks. So alone she felt as she realized that she would not come back this time.
Never wanting to die more, she could only think of one thing. SUICIDE. Asking herself, "Is it worth it? !NO! Should she do it? !NO! Is there enought to hold onto that will keep her here?!NO!."
All the answers are so clear. Don't do it.! But, she cannot hold on anymore. She asked herself one final question. "How should I do it?"
Cutting came first to her mind."Nah, can't cut that deep".
Rope and ceiling came next. "What if it breaks. I will be screwed."
Falling from a builing.."No, to many staires to climb."
She finally desided that she did not want to die by pain, but of something no one would know of. She just could be sleeping not dead...
She went to school the next day to say her last good-byes and sorry's. No one thought anything of it because she acted so happy that day. But they all had their disbelifes, they all questioned what was wrong? But they all kept to themselves.
Walking home she called the girl she did not want to love anymore and said, "Love is not something I was looking for, love is not something I ever wanted, but you will always have mine. Don't feel like this is your fault. Don't be sad, please go on with you life like you never met me." She quickly hung up and walked in the door of her empty home.
Put a note on the counter saying, "I am not going to wake up this time. I am sorry Mom!! I never ment to fall in love and lose myself. I love you and please don't do anything like I have done. I want you to go on with your life. Please, tell Dad I am sorry for fighting with him, and tell everyone I love them very much! Tell my sister to live life to the fullest, don't take one minute forgranted and have fun with her childhood. I love you and I am so sorry!"
She gulped the gasoline and took a bottel of sleeping pills. Went in her room turned on the song that reminded her of the girl and fell asleep. Never waking up.
A life gone. Her dreams out the door. Her last thought was, "How could I love someone that does not want me, someone I do not know and I have not been with for more than a month? How could I have taken my life for someone that hates me?"
There were no answers to that because no one knew what she was thinking when she floated away into her own perfect world.

No Name Poem....
Could this be my nightmare?
Could this be my dream?
Tell me I am sleeping.
Please wake me up I don't want to scream..

You left me when I needed you the most.
you cried over me, now I don't want you hurt.
I didn't want to fall in love,
then again I don't want to do a lot of things.

I told you how I felt, I let you in.
The walls around my heart caved in.
You hurt me the most when you said "I love you"
Because I knew that someday you would regret it.

My life is full of lies things I cannot denie.
Things that have made me so numb inside.
Can't I just die?I wouldn't care who killed me.
Just as long as I didn't have to feel pain.

Feel the pain of regret, feel the pain of lonlyness.
But most of all feel at all.
Before you came I was numb, half dead.
Now you have revived me then killed me again.

I don't blame you, I blame myself.
I should have known better than to believe.
Believed when you said "I won't leave you"
Believed that you would fall in love with me...

It's not you...
I'm just so used to being alone...
Good-bye my angel...
I would do anything to have you back..