I'm asking to start over
and i wish that you could hear
I wonder what you'd tell me
if you just saw me going down

I'm outta my mind
i'm hypnotized
cant see anything right out side

Im falling down
and i dont care how far it is till i hit the ground
See me run
see me row
see me hide
just so you know
you wont find me
Ive gone away
and i'm not free
I'm a runnaway, I'm a runnaway.

Outta This World
I'm outta this world,
unlike anything you've ever seen
I'm outta this world
will you ever come home with me? (When I ask)
If I told you to trust me, would you?(Doubt me)
Would you trust something you never knew.
Would you lie to me as others do.
Would you show me love, something as new to me as you?
I'm outta this world,
unlike anything you've ever seen
I'm outta this world....
Are you still my one hearts desire?
Are you still my murin beatha dan?
And when we leave,
will i see you cry?
Because we're leaving everything we ever knew.
Will you smile?
Because you know im the one thing thats true to you.
Yes, I knew!
That you were to true to me.
You are the only one i see and are the one true love.
My heart is binded and to.... that person is you.

i have friends, that arent friends.
they speak in silence.
hiding behind one another
talking only to each other

they arent real

Suffication leads to the break down
break down of my lonely heart
piled under rock and stone,
you wont be able to find me.

Im lost and gone, its time to be forgotton
i cant move on because i know something is wrong

please tell me this
I wonder why, do i feel what i feel inside.

anger and rage, cold and deaf

Can you show me what love really is.

this spell im under can only be broken
by the one that wont let me go
wont let me give in
wont let time take its toll

Can you help me?

My parents went back down to houston.
My dad has something wrong w/ his cathador.<sp
and they will probably run more tests
so im alone for tonight. Well my cousin is comming at 10...
anyhow I feel really tired and anything fun sounds like ew i dont want to, i dont feel like it. i guess its kinda depression. but im not depressed i dont think.
I'm fustrated with a lot though.
Mostly with guys. I wish i could be lesbian. but i'd prolly end up w/ the same problems there too.
Jeffs a really good guy. but i cant plan very well and lately i dont feel like doing anything.
I still get a creepy feeling about what eric and I were doing. I didnt plan on going that far. I felt like I betrayed my parents. the first time they leave me alone. i run off and see him and then fool around and go too far. He kind of stopped. but then he started up again. I wish i could find out for sure what happened. even though i was there i dont remember it. i started zoning out/. anyhow i guess its best if the memory fades. i dont want it anyways. maybe when the memory fades so will all the bad feelings i get when i do think about it.

guys suck.
except jeff. he only pissed me off once beforebut hes never hurt me in the 2 years ive known him

im tired so i think ill go
bye

Ive done some stupid stuff in my life... and right now im going through some shit at home, and w/ my life. I am doing something that could break the only guy who's ever truely cared for me's heart.
But im going ot make it right
I'm letting go of the past for good.
any mention of the past will be ignored.

Good bye to the boys of summer
You never loved me anyway.
Its time to start caring about who and now.
Its time to stop believeing in what we could have had.
the moments that i spent with you would only cause this pain we feel now.
good bye boys of summer
you never loved me anyway
I'm moving on and i cant back up. The memories of summer are still so fresh right now. but now im moving on and not being so wrong. If I could take it back I would, all the pain that I caused. Id do it in an instant and and forget we belonged. but somehow i think its good, good that we went through this shit. we learn from our mistakes just a bit by bit.
good bye boys of summer.
you never loved me anyway.
good bye boys of summer.
Its time to move on to another day....
you never loved me anyway
Its time to move on to another day...

WEll today is Thursday.
I have a busy day
Violin at 6:30-7:30 or so
then a movie after so i can do a movie review for news paper class
i plan on seeing Electra

My dad and mom may be comming home from Houston friday... or this weekend...

I have some how royally screwed up. and i'm going to end up hurting a lot of people because of it. but just so they know. I love them
maybe ill figure out a brilliant plan to work everything out for everyone...

I could just.....dissapear...

you know what
my bf is a loser
all he cares about is his fuckin weed
fuck doenst call when he says he will
sounds like a bad Avril Lavigne song

finally figured out hes the same
same as everyone else i know
so unoriginal. wanna be a rebel
so you smoke pot. good for you
you say youve got so much to live for
theres nothing out there in this world

you numb yourself to reality because youre fuckin weak
you dont care what it does to anyone else
why should you
you dont even care about yourself
you lie to yourself.

fuck you fuck you fuck you

an uneventful sad day
and no one really cares
i want to go home
sleep alone
and drift off to dreamland
i can wake up from a nightmare
and know that wasnt reality
but i can wake up from a dream
and realize
what i had
was never there
I have every object i can ever want
but thats not what i want
what i want
I cant have.
and no one could ever know

so i feel like sleeping
dreaming
not being

I feel in a daze
my minds in a haze
just look at my gaze
my eyes are glazed
fogged over
although im sober
never tainted
but still unpure

I really am nothing
see you another day
another time
in someother place

Well, I hope I'm not hurt again
I know the chances are great
for some reason im optimistic
tho thats not my usual state

I love, but I dont trust
I feel numb to hurt
Tho thats only for now
but If you dont stab me
I will feel again
just as strongly as before

So take it slow
Theres no time
I will feel
and trust love of mine

please be mine

The first guy I ever loved
i fell for with in a month
as quick as it happened
he left me standing alone

i know im weak when i take him back months later
i know im stupid when he stand me up the first time
and i agree to let him come back
and even a simple date was enough to renew the feelings i once had
but he's done it again
he leaving me standing, saying he still wants (what i want to hear)

sometimes people arent as they seem
unfort. im seeing this more and more
they say one thing
they promise or give their word
but they just dont come through

and this is how they care?

ive learned how to piss a buncha people off at once
ive been told to die

well i wish i could
ive wished it for a long time
but the time isnt right
but it will come sooner than you think

im going to try to keep my mind off someone

letting go of your first love...is never easy...

I know a wonderful guy I care a ton about.
I can not wait to see him again.
the beauty in his heart and bold definition between right and wrong is just undeniably extent.
  i will see him later
     mandi