Um, I don't know how much i'll be on soon..
Im grounded for a month and my parents aren't letting me go to homecoming anymore. They are being awful. I think i cried for like 3 hours, but not just because of the homecoming thing, although i was really loooking forward to it.

But everything they keep saying to me just adds up. And i just can't take it anymore. Everything they have ever said to me has just been judgemental and not even a little caring. Ever since we moved all they ever do is ignore me and tell me what a shity daughter i am.

It really hurts too. Because all ive ever done is try to be a good daughter. And all they ever say to me is "you better hope you find someone who doesnt care about looks", "never have kids, thats the biggest mistake i ever made", "jenna, your not a very pretty girl, you need to be thinner", "jenna, you need to lose weight, then maybe people will like you." "jenna your face is looking horrible today, you need to put more make-up on to cover it up'' and so forth.

And now all my mom did today was tell me how horrible i turned out. How she was a perfect daughter and how i will NEVER live up to her standards. No matter what. And it hurts so bad. And i just hate it. And im so sick of trying to get straight A's, do the best i can, and just be perfet. Because no matter what i do its never enough. And im crying just typing this. But i never know who i can talk to about any of this. And i know i should tell my parents this but anytime i try to talk to them i get a "shut-up" "go away" or they just ignore me. And i want to believe they really honest to god care for me but they never seem to. You have no idea how hard i try everyday to make myself seem that im happy in front of them. How hard i try to please them.

They always cared for my brother, becasue he was in soccer. and i was just "never athletic enough". and were twins, and that hurts even more becasue if they care for him they should care for me too. But then they make me out to be a screw-up child.

But i never know what i should do. so i get on the computer, and to me its my only escape. So here i am typing this. And i know some of you will never read it. and i know others will read it and care.

But im grounded for a month now and my laptop is getting taken away, just because at church i was "slouching, fidgeting, not sitting still, restless, and a distraction." but the funniest part, was that my brother didnt even go to church, and they made me go.

there is so much more i wish i could put.. but im not going to...
but i guess this was mainly just to say i doubt i will be on for a month or a couple weeks.

-jenna-