well...i took cassy back friday and it was the hardest thing i have ever had to do....i have never experienced so much emotional pain in my life....and the more days that go by the more it hurts....you'd figure that the more time goes by the less it hurts...but no it hurts 10 times worse than that right now....i would give ANYTHING to have her back here after christmas....i just wanna be able to hold her one more time...and kiss her sweet soft lips....i fucked up by lying when i shouldn't have....im just not used to being able to tell somebody what i did that's bad and not get in trouble.....i haven't told my dad or any of my family yet but i have 200 dollars left and on december 15th im gonna get on a bus and go to bakersfield for a job at a machine shop...i hope it works out good....if not im fucked.....but it should....i am not gonna tell cassy until she decides to call me though because she is just too mad at me and i think it would cause problems....once i know she's not mad at me anymore and calls me i'll tell her....but until then...shhhhh.....don't say a thing....