[Blue Eyed Babiie]'s diary

822256  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2006-07-10
Written: (6709 days ago)

[Am I pretty enough now?]
Boy: wud up shotay
[Girl: I have to tell you something...]
Boy: What?
[Girl: I really like you. And I... I think I'm falling in love with you.]
Boy: Ok...
[Girl: What do you mean "ok"?]
Boy: I don't like you like that...
[Girl: Why not?]
Boy: I can't tell you... maybe another time...
[From then on, the girl kept asking the boy "Why not?" whenever she saw him, and he kept answering the same answer of "I'll tell you later." Finally the girl got fed up.
Girl: I'm tired of this! Tell me why you don't like me!
]
Boy: Do you really wanna know why?
[Girl: Yes!]
Boy: It's because you're ugly as fuck! What's the point of going out with someone when they're not pretty?!
[Girl: But... I...]
Boy: Just shut up and leave me alone!
The boy leaves and the girl is sitting there alone, crying her heart out. Then her cell phone rings.
[Girl: Hello?]
Mom: Sweetheart? I want you to go home, ok? I'll be home from work in a few hours.
[Girl: Alright Mom.]
Mom: I love you.
[Girl: I love you too, Mom.]
Mom: Bye Bye.
[Girl: Bye]
The girl heads home and once she got there, she went in the bathroom and looked at herself in the mirror.
[Girl: I'm not pretty enough...]
She set to work, knowing fully well what she was going to do. 2 hours later, her Mom came home and heard the bath water running. She went upstairs to find the hallway flooded so she knocked on the door.
[Mom: Honey? Are you alright?]
She opened the door and was shocked at the site. The bath was overflowing onto the floor, and the water was tinted red. She walked over to see what was inside and screamed. There, her little girl was lying with cuts all over her face and wrists. Her Mom backed away and was going to run to call the police when something caught her eye. On the mirror, am I pretty enough now?
[No one deserves to be told that by someone they love. If you find it messed up then forward this to everyone you know.]
A person's appearance doesn't count. What counts is their heart inside of them and their personality. No one wants to be told they're not good enough...

811520  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-21
Written: (6729 days ago)

Love Has No Gender
["I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.


I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.


I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.


We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.


I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.


I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.


I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.


I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.


We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.


I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.


I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.


I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.


I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.


I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.


I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.


I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.


I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.


I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.


I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.


repost this if you belive homophobia is wrong"
]

811519  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2006-06-21
Written: (6729 days ago)

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.


11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.



Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick" she said; he's not going to go well, I didn't have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as "best friends". So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.



Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, "you're my best friend, thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.



A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said "you came!". She said "thanks" and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love her but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why.



Funeral
Years passed, I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend". At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends, I love him but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too...` I thought to my self, and I cried.



moral: be who you are and say what you feel cuz those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind


802743  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2006-06-04
Written: (6746 days ago)

Dear Mommy,
I am in heaven now, sitting on Jesus' lap.He loves me and cries with me; for my heart has been broken. I so wanted to be your little girl. I don't quite understand what happened.
I was so excited when i started realizing my existence.I was in a dark yet comfortable place. I saw i had fingers and toes. I was pretty far along in my developing, yet not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping. Even from my early days, I felt a special bonding between me and you.
Sometimes i heard you crying and i cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry. I heard daddy yelling back. I was sad and hoped you would be better soon. I wondered why you cried so much. One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldnt imagine why you so unhappy.
That same day the most horrible thing happened. A very mean monster came into that warm comfortable place i was in. I was so scared, i began screaming, but there was no sound. I guess they had you all pinned down, because you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me. The monster got closer and closer as i was screaming and screaming. Complete terror is all that i felt. I screamed until i thought i couldnt anymore. Then the monster started ripping my arm off. It hurt so bad, the pain i could never explain. It didnt stop. Oh how i begged it to stop, i screamed in horror as it ripped my leg off. though i was in complete pain, I realized i was dying. I knew i would never see your face or hear how you loved me. I wanted to make all your tears go away. I had so many plans to make you happy. Now i couldnt; all my dreams were shattered. Though i was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all. I wanted more than anything to be your daughter. No use now, for i was dying a painful death. I could only imagine what terrible things they were doing to you.
I wanted to tell you that i love you before i was gone, but i didnt know the words you could understand. And soon i no longer had the breath to say them, i was dead. I felt myself rising. I was being carried by a huge angel into a big, beautiful place. I was still crying but the physical pain was gone. The angel took me to Jesus and sat me on His lap. He said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then i was happy. I asked Him what the thing was that killed me.
He answered,"Abortion, i am sorry my child; for i know how it feels." I dont know what abortion is; i guess thats the name of the monster.
Im writing to say that i love you and to tell you how much i wanted to be your little girl. I tried very hard to live. I had the will, but i couldnt. The monster was too powerful. It sucked my arms and legs off and finally got all of me. It was impossible to live. I just wanted you to know i tried to stay with you. I didnt want to leave. Also, mommy, please watch out for that abortion monster. Mommy, i love you and i would hate for you to go the kind of pain i did. Please be careful
Love,
Your baby girl

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