Dood. I feel gay.

I've been helping myself now. I am finding calming rituals to help calm down so my disease dosen't take over.

I saw you, I visited you.. The whole time I was there, I felt a sickening dread. "I don't belong here." I told myself. I didn't, in fact. It felt too wrong, being surrounded by all of those pictures. The one on your desk hurt me the most. yor arm was around her, in that way.. I knew that you loved her a lot, and I don't belong in that special place that you keep her memory. I don't deserve it. I could never live up to it.

She loves you back. I've heard the rumors. I think she dosen't want me around. I think she secretly scorns me, in fact, I see it in her eyes. She dosen't want to share you. It's all for the better. I clung and clung, but I think now I cling too much. It's just... you were the first friends I've ever had. Nine years of noone but your family to see you, no friends, not even people to talk to... it gets to you. You start to need more.. more than regular people. You see, since my birth, I felt that I didn't need friends to make it.. or I didn't realise how lonely I really was.. but now.. I'm just lost. no one can find me.. I've tried to let my life go on, just to try and be normal around you.. The desire is too strong.. I can't hold on..

  Written: 10:15 a.m. 6-18-06