Hello, my name is Rachel, and my boyfriend (aka dan (aka rougish knave #4)) is the most wondeful person in the world. That is all.
I love the way you breathe me in like I'm all you need to live. There's no time I feel more alive than when I'm in your arms.
I have seen the hottest thing in the entire world, and it was Dan in a black beater. That is all.
I try to tell you time and time again, but I don't think you're really listening to me. I care about you. I want you to tell me what's wrong. It's not doing me any good when you get so sad and refuse to tell me what I can do... or if I can even do anything. I would do anything in my power if it would just make you smile. I promise. You've just got to let me in a little more. Just a little. It won't hurt much, I swear. <3
heart,
Rachel
LaSalle formal is this saturday. This means roughly five to six hours with Dan. This prospect amuses me immensely. God, I miss that kid.
heart,
Rachel
Ok. So I've seen Joey four nights in a row. And I'm going to see him again tonight. Five nights. We don't have any friends, lol.
heart,
Rachel
A complaint: Dan managed to contract a stomach virus. Yes, he's sick again. That boy... *sigh* So that's put a stopper on our plans for now... but I've spent the last three evenings with Joey, which have been most amusing. I miss that kid. It's almost like the summer again. Oh the summer... where did it go?
heart,
Rachel
So Christmas. Merry that. Despite the usual festivities (birthday party at my uncle's last night, gift-giving this morning, and my mother's seasonal bitching) the time at which I felt most happy and, dare I say, seasonal was the roughly two hours I spent at Dan's yesterday. Being with him is so strangely peaceful and fufilling. I drove home in a glorious mood. I don't think there's been many moments like that in the past year... and most of them have only occured in the past two months of dan-itude. Yes. Dan-itude. And after a conversation during which I almost thought he was trying to break up with me (!) came this xanga entry:
"I realized the truth of my line of thinking of recent days that I have unchartedly strong feelings toward her and that, mysteriously (to me at least), I feel appreciated by her, which-puns aside-is quite the selcouth perception for me, to the point where I don't really know how to respond. Even though she demurely refuses to acknowledge them, I see her as so certain and steadfast in her feelings, and, though I can sense my own roiling emotion, I can't wish it on her to be condemned to my uncertainty and to have her heart stepped on while I stumble around trying to figure out what I am doing in my heart (besides entertaining more visions of dancing sugar-plum fairies) and in my life...
In laughing retrospect, I cannot fathom why I throw myself to such consternation about something which, I hope(!), is so minor and changes nothing, except maybe preconceptions
Yeah... I don't really know what to make of it either. I'm currently trying to compose an email in response to it... but it's proving rather bloody hard. *sigh*
heart,
Rachel
there are days like this when I'm so glad I have dan. I miss him terribly. at least the formal's on friday. that should be fun, if we can both manage to not be sick... and it's not looking too good. I'm currently trying to ward off the plague, and dan... dan just found out he's been on the wrong meds for a week. yayfor pharmacy mix-ups. *rolls eyes* poor thing. I'm knitting him a scarf to protect his throat. silly boy can't take care of himself...
heart,
Rachel
So yes. We're finally officially dating. Bah. Only took two hours in John's basement to figure out what we were doing. Turns out he thought the ball was still in my court and he's been all weird because I never directly said "yes" to his "will you go out with me?". Three weeks of uncertainty because of that. Perfect. However, got yelled at by Joseph today because he thought we were having sex er something. I died of laughter. *shakes head* Ah well. So now the real adventure begins. What the crap does dating entail? Ah, sweet mystery of life... lol.
heart,
Rachel
It's a pity that now that I'm semi-formally dating Dan that I'm more paranoid than I've ever been in my entire life. I just can't believe that he really likes me... and it's not his fault. I think I'm just crazy. And I'm being very unfair to him because I can't seem to be able to tell him exactly how I feel about him. I guess I'm just too scared. *sigh* I never thought I'd feel this sick over a boy.
heart,
Rachel
Yeah, so crush on Joey officially shaken. Rejoice! Rejoice! It has been replaced, however, by a crush on my friend Dan. He's what I've been looking for- a highly principled atheist. We have intellectual sparring matches on the phone, and yeah... he's really cute. During one of our phone conversations the other day, he managed to drag the fact that I like him out of me. Which was a little annoying... especially since he immediately changed the subject afterwards to Star Trek. However, he then wrote me the nicest email I have ever recieved, apologizing profusely. *shakes head* God I heart this kid. And he let slip that he did like me, although he doesn't want to rush into anything he's not completely sure of. So we're going to start hanging out more and see what happens. It'll be fun. :)
heart,
Rachel
Wow. Haven't written in here in ages. Silly me. Well... school's started in full force this year. I'm loving my classes, though. My schedule:
English 12
Theology 12
Communications
Lunch
Spanish 4
20th Cent. History
FREE!
H. Physics
A very good schedule indeed.
And, the first LaSalle mixer's on FRIDAY, so I'm psyched like no other. :) Went shopping after school today with Joseph and Cate @ the mall. Joey finally got his Pumas that he's been gushing about forever, and we made him buy jeans. Lemme tell you, I don't often say this about people I know, but... Joseph looks hot in jeans. He never wears them, but... he looks amazing. So yeah, and I got a shirt in Express. This is the first new thing I've bought for myself in... well, ages. Very cute. And on sale (yay!) 'cause I'm ubercheap. But yeah. The mixer should be positively orgasmic, and I'll probably end up bumming a ride off of Joey and his mom, since neither of us have senior licenses as of yet (bummer). Alright, I'm being a complete ditz today, but... dammit I'm 17 and I go to an all-girls catholic academy. I need fun days like this. :)
heart,
Rachel
*sigh* So yeah... how long has it been, and I still can't shake this crush on Joseph? Far too long. It's been months now. At times like this, I really despise myself. Why am I such a uberdork? Honestly. The only nice thing is, we are becoming even better friends than before, and it's scary how much we're alike in the strangest ways, lol. But still... I have this horrible guilt complex over liking him like this. Every time I'm with him, I feel horrible due to the fact that I like him. I feel like I'm betraying his trust or something by harboring this crush on him. Kathryn has told me a million times that I'm psycho for feeling bad about this... but that doesn't really change anything. Meh. mehmehmeh. So I guess I'll be spending this summer pretending there's nothing there. Fun. But in a way, I don't really care as long as we stay friends just the way we are, and have been.
heart,
Rachel
*eeeeee*
I just got back from seeing LOTR: ROTK. Which was amazing. And since my brain isn't functioning properly, I'd like to share a few comments.
1. I said it after I saw the first one, I said it after I saw the second one, and now I have to say it again: I WANT A FRODO. Especially one that happens to be on a leash. Once again, Elijah Wood succeeded in making me want to have a replica of him around the house... one I could pat on the head, feed hobbity-things
2. The battles were amazing (again). But seriously, Rohan's charge into the orc forces at the battle of Minas Tirth made me cry. Insane wonderfulness.
3. After Legolas takes down one of the elephants, he stands in front of the carcass for a few seconds. In the background, the army of the dead takes down another. For some reason, I died laughing when I saw it. Look for it when you see it.
4. At the end, you're just waiting for Pippin and Merry to announce their engagement. It's rediculous. And poor Frodo looks horrible until the very last. He's got to be chronically anemic or something.
5. They needed to make a bigger deal about the romance between Faramir and Eowyn. At the end they're just together. You must assume things, I suppose. But seriously... does Eowyn just have a thing for Gondor's powerful men? She can't have the king so she goes for the Steward? Whatever. It annoyed me. Personally I think Eowyn and Merry should have gotten together... nevermind the fact she could pass him off as her son... *meh* :P
6. It was a freakishly good movie! See it! NOW! Go!
heart,
Rachel
The strangest thing just happened. I realized I liked Mike a few days ago, and told Elisa. She talked to him tonight, and... he likes *me*. He's going to ask me out after the play. And... THIS IS SO WEIRD. I actually like a boy and he likes me, and... we're going to... *date*. This is so incomprehensib
heart,
Rachel
Meh. So it's decided. I'm going to Mike's house for Halloween this friday. It's basically going to be a mini-cast party with Halloween mixed in. Yeah. Scary stuff is brewing. I talked to Mike the other day online for like 2 hours about randomness. We really bonded. Turns out he's bi (I knew he just couldn't be straight), and he's just recently broken up with his boyfriend. The party's going to be on absolute crack. He's just told me he wants to play spin-the-bottl
heart,
Rachel
Hmmm... well, things have been kind of odd lately. First I discovered that almost every guy I've been obsessed with has been over 35 and married. *sob* Even Chris! *sad face* And... it's got me thinking: there has to be something wrong with that. At 16 you're not supposed to be attracted to like 40 year old men. Just a thought. lol. And... I'm kinda freaked out about a few things. Namely Joey's coming home in two days, and that means in two days I'm going to find out if he likes me. *shiver* Don't get me wrong, I love him to tiny bits (heck, we've been good friends for like 6 years now), and I think I might like him... but I'd rather not have to go through all of this drama to find out what his motives are. *sigh* Guys suck. All of them.
heart,
Rachel
Yeah. So what if my Linnell obsession is getting increasingly more pathetic each day. So what if all I play on my electric guitar anymore is purely tmbg tabs. So what if when my sister went to get her hamster today I suggested getting two and naming them both John. SO WHAT?!? Ok, so maybe that *proves* that I've finally lost all my marbles... but this is one marble-less girl who doesn't give a shit her sentences no longer make sense! That being said... *ahem* erm... yeah. "Direct From Brooklyn" is poisoning my mind. I'd go bury it somewhere, but I think I'd die of withdraw after 24 hours. Yeah. It's pathetic. But it's something new I have to deal with. Fun. :-p Yeah. And the sudden need to learn to play the accordion has to be redirected to something else *soon*. *twitch* Ok. Perhaps I just need to take a nap. Perhaps this is all just a product of my current sleep-deprived
heart,
Rachel
WOWOWOW. Amazing happenings in my basement last night! Ok, that sounds odd... BUT TRUE! I was being an insomniac with Elisa last night on the phone, and I was laying about in my basement chatting with her. I was also listening to the radio... I think it was Y102, some New Jersey rock station. So I'm happily listening to "Bad Moon on the Right" and being odd, and then this familiar guitar pattern comes on. For a second I couldn't place the song... but the I fully took in the AMAZINGNESS of what was going on... FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE WAS ON THE BLOODY FREAKING RADIO!!! Needless to say I turn the volume almost all the way up and scared poor Elisa. *shrug* But it was FOW!!! *does happy crazy wonderful dance* All of a sudden things are happening for them- a week or so ago, their new music video for "Stacey's Mom" was put in rotation on MTV... which is kinda weird. I HATE MTV... but I love Fountians of Wayne to little bits. So I guess MTV's alright for now... as long as they can use it to get noticed and can finally quit their day jobs again. :) I saw them in concert earlier this summer at the Trocadero downtown, and they ROCKED. So splendidly orgasmic, lol. ;)
heart,
Rachel
La! Back from Washington D.C. :) Plus the most amazing thing happened... on the way down, my dad and I were listening to the radio, and we found out that THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS were playing at a festival in D.C. on saturday. So naturally, we stayed an extra night and saw them. :) :) :) Absolutely Amazing. They played litterally on Pennsylvania Avenue. The Congress building was right behind them, and they could see the White House from the stage. Sooooo wonderful. Plus, they had a video screen, so even though I was towards the back of the crowd, I could still see my lovely Johns in hi-fi, lol. :) Although one of the best moments was when they addressed the President. "Mr. President, we know when you lied, you weren't really lying. We found the weapons of mass destruction. They're in the accordian!" - Flansy. lol. Ah. :)
And my father and I visited St. John's College in Annapolis, Maryland. I absolutely adore that school. :) I hope I end up going there. It's great b/c you don't major in anything... they have classes for every year already set up, so you have a much more rounded liberal arts education. The students read the original works of Descartes and Plato in their original languages and discuss them in class. And that's all they do- no one "teaches" them anything. They figure out almost everything for themselves- they usually have two dons in the room to make sure you don't end up wasting time, and will steer the conversation in the right direction... but they leave the bulk of the conversation up to the students. *sigh* I love it. :) Oh well... *waves*
heart,
Rachel