Okay. Yesterday I was all excited about Valentine's day! And why shouldn't i be. I just started dating Roger a couple weeks ago, and he's always talking about he wants all of our firsts to be special, and so I was thinking this Valentine's day is gonna be awesome. I had a busy day ahead of me though. I had to go to class In the morning and then after that i had to go tanning, go workout, go home and shower, go buy Roger his Valentine and then go to my nite class.

  So as I'm coming home from my nite class i'm getting really nervouse because In the past i've never gotten anything from anyone on Valentine's Day besides my parents. So I keep thinking to myself, Okay this one is going to be good and I imagine coming home and Roger already being there with a dozen roses or some sweet shit like that, but the closer I get to home the more nervouse I get and I keep thinking he's not gonna come. 

  So I get home, and he's not there. I get online and I don't have any messages from him, and he hasnt called my cell yet to tell me what's going on. So I sit at the computer disappointed but eagerly awaiting some sort of contact from Roger to let me know what is going on. Nothing! But Alex (his roomate) signs on and she's like I think he's at work but I'm not sure. And then she asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said lets wait for an hour or so to see if we hear anything from Roger. So about ten minutes later she comes back and asks if i wanna go see a movie or something with her because she has free passes and she called Roger and he wouldn't get off work till like 11pm. (Oi that really sucks) So I met Alex at IHOP and she had some coffee and was flirting with the waitress (she's bi bye the way) and the waitress asked for Alex's # ***Note to self: Bi-curious little midget. hehehe*** 

  Then she invites one of her friends Sarah to go Along to see a movie with us, So then I end up paying for myself and buying the snacks... While we were buying snacks Alex blurts out that Sarah had slept with Roger, and I'm like :whoa: I really didn't need to know that. So now everytime I see sarah I'll prolly think of her as, oh, there's Alex's friend who slept with Roger. Argh!(I'm stoopid I always feel obligated to pay for some reason) Phantom of the Operah (movie): Loud and Long Roger called about 40 minutes before the movie was over and told us that he would wait for us at IHOP... The Movie Finally ended and we went to IHOP! Roger seemed to be acting weird for some reason.

  Anyway! To Wrap up this story. We go to denny's while alex takes sarah home and we meet alex at denny's I get some food and desert and again pay for myself. Then when roger took me to my car I gave him the Valentine I bought him. (A 12" heart box of chocolates, two things of old spice calogne and one of the aftershave) And by then I had already made the assumption that I wouldnt be getting anything, so i'm like "I hope this doesnt make you feel bad, but here I got you a valentine day gift) Then we kissed and I left. Trying to hide the disappointment... Which I suppose I should be used to since the only gift I've ever gotten from a guy was a pitty gift when he knew damn well i was about to break up with him. I suppose i should have learned by now. I always spend my money on the guys i date, and its rarely the other way around... which is sad but true... but i can kinda cope with it, cuz i know roger has child support and bills to pay and stuff, but i would have at least like a card. oh well. I still really really like him a lot,

  Anywho! I had to work at 7 in the morning and i got up at 6, I only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I'm so fucking stupid sometimes, I swear when the fuck will i ever learn.

Its funny! One moment i think i love someone. Then I'm over it. Then i go back to loving them and then i get hurt. That stoopid ass Boy. I should have known from the very begginning. With all my other relationships I had it stuck in my mind that things were actually going to work out, but the relationship with this boy, i had a feeling from the beginning that it probably wasn't goin to work out. And that's exactly the reason i wanted to stay in the relationship, i think. to proove myself wrong perhaps. I felt like he kept taunting me to break up with him the first time, and so i finally broke down and did it, but then we became friends with benefits i suppose.  but once we are broken up he starts acting like more of a boyfriend again. so in my head i think okay maybe this will work. Then I asked him what the status of our relationship was! Pfft! (duh duh duh) He says well you've been acting kinda different lately, i say the same thing to him. He tells me i have something to tell you. I say - let me guess does it have to do with another girl!.... Boy- sorta... Me - let me guess your ex girlfriend is coming back from hawii and you two wanna hook up.... BOY - do you hate me? ME- (being to completlely and utterly, desgustingly polite) tell him no i dont hate you but i dont think we can really hang out anymore if you're planning on breaking up with me to date you fucking ex. AHHHHHHHH! FUCK FUCK FUCK THIS IS SO FUCKING STOOPID! Why the fuck are boyz so fucking evil and stoopid, and why the hell did i let myself fall for this boy when i KNEW... I KNEW it more then likely wasnt going to work out. So i waste several hours of my valuable sleep, crying about it like a fucking stoopid pathetic little girl! BAH! and wake up with a fucking migrain! have to go to work the next day. And that's all i can fucking think about. The stoopid boy All day long. So it looks like i'm about to cry all day apparently! And well fuck. I just wish, i would have know about this before i spent $60 on his christmas present, when now i'm more then likely not going to get a damn thing, and now i'm beginning to understand why everyone thinks i'm too nice and too easily taken advantage of. Why can't i fucking stop thinking about some stoopid boy, who i know more then likely will never feel the same way about me as i did about him. BAH!

I HATE!!!

Smoking is stoopid. the boy should stop smoking. it is stoopid and bothersome... ack. evilness... blah...

Newsflash. I think he is behaving. but he was mad at me for some reason and had no idea i was mad at him... Figures. Thats fucking stoopid. i need to yell at people when i'm mad at them instead of sitting in the quite little dark space inside of my head

Shall i break up with him. or shall i not. I do not know. Why are boys so stoopid, evil, and fucking clueless... please. somebody just clue mee in on thiss. I practically through myself infront of him and he doesnt even notice. He says its obviouse i'm not happy with him, but welll, okay i'm not, but i don't want to break up with him. i wanna see if it'll work. geesh why are girls so fucking stoopid, and hopeless. wishing and chasing after somethin you never really had.. i don't understand. i hate having a heart sometimes. or perhaps i'm just really horny. who knows. DAmnit... At least acknowledge the fact that i'm alive you stoopid evil boy!... if your gonna tell me that you love me and then turn your head the other way. dont say it in the first place. its too fucking confusing, and welll. STOOOOPIDNESSS> GRRRRRARGH> FUCK FUCK FUCK... fuckety fuck fuck... you know they need to have a worser cuss word then fuck its not gutteral enought when it rolls out of your mouth... there needs to be something much harsher. to describe the way i feeel.... *looks around* okay i feel better... now i just need a boy to torture. cuz the only fucking way to a mans heart is to saw through his fucking breast plate

Yeah Bush WON! Yeah! I thought i was gonna have to move to a different country there for a second. Although, I'm not really all that please with having bush for our president i feel a whole lot safer then... interupted thought. damn the luck. i guess you'll never know

FUcking hell! somebody called the coorporate office and now we cant fucking dress up! and i went out and spent 50 bucks on fangs, horns, red hair gel, lace up arm socks. fun. they just better be glad i was to stingy to buy the contacts that cost a hundred bucks for one pair

oooo yah.. they are having a costume contest where i work. which is lowes... yeah i'm gonna be an evil bunny rabbit with wings. yeah. last year i just wore my bunny rabbit ears, and kept getting playboy bunny comments so this year i'm gonna get all decked out. dye my hair red and black. wear fangs, evil contacts, and some wings and devil horns... wheeee yah! iza gonna win. i tink! i might feel a little silly cuz i really dont' think many people are actually gonna dress up... hopefully i can afford the contacts. if not. oh well. eye make up will work. oi. i'll be sure to post a pic. ^_^

hmmmmmm... um. yes. my mind hurts... *cough* oi... i meant my arm... my arm hurts very much... grrrevilness... raquetball hurtedted mee... but it was so much fun. huh. nothing interesting to say. NOODLE BORN!!! whEEEEEEEEEE!

i'm really horny today! um yes! that's pretty much it! Horny! heh. Fun word that is. *Sticks up fingers and makes little horns on top of head* "Horny" heh. Get it! Yah! I know i'm a dork. But well, frankly... Frank... ooooo! like hot dog... hmmm... kinda like weiner... oi! pfft! Minds in the gutter! Please Don't hate me.

What I absolutely Fucking hate is when people feel sorry for themselves! What i hate even more is when i get in some stoopid fucking mood where i feel that way myself. Therefore in an ensence i hate myself for hating people like myself which is really confusing... So when i begin to hate myself this stoopid little cylcle runs through my head and i begin to realize how stoopid it is to feel sorry for yourself (myself) and then i can laugh at myself... and damnit... i was just interupted... the end

BOYS ARE STOOPID!!!