I'm writing this entry for Ryan. I am writing this for him because he is one of the most important beings in my life right now and I want to tell him I love him very much. This has been playing in my head all day today. So Ryan, if you read this, I mean every word and hope that it can mean something to you. Thanks for sticking with me so long so far. I love you with all of my heart.

To speak is to completely wipe out the silence that brought us closer together.

To clear out that silence is to take away from what really matters to me.

Words alone are not enough to tell you how I really feel.

So why speak at all?

I'd rather have the silence that we share when together, holding onto each other tightly, not wanting the other to leave, afraid that they'll disappear once we turn our back. The only sound I need is the sound of your heart beating next to my ear.

It is proof that you really exist. My proof that you are not a dream. That you really are a person.
Proof that I can have have someone who will help me sleep, kiss away my tears, chase away my problems, and let me know that you will always be here by my side.

Words alone cannot express my love. So I listen to your heart beat. And I can believe.

Thank you.

Sandy kind of made me feel like a loser today. I;m on sandwiche's this week and I could tell she was getting annoyed with me today. I apologized fot it and she starts telling about how she's had all of these kids working with her and none of them had any trouble with the station and blah blah. And then around 11 I told I need to go to the bathroom and she told me I use the bathroom too much. I had gone once before around 845. What the Hell. I also have me period.
And then Papa called me back today. I can't get a job at the country club because I'm a relative and they won't hire anyone under the age of 18. Dammit.
But Victor made me feel happy today. He told me that he and Joe want to be the new student leader of the Diversity Club becasue they're graduationg this year. I feel happy. Thank you Victor! ^-^

Mi Poem by me!

Lessons Learned

I sit here,
My head on your shoulder
Your hand on my lap.
You sit there,
Your lips on my brow
My cheeks gaining heat.
Light butterfly touches
On petal soft skin.
How could I be so blessed?
How could I be so lucky?
It was you who placed the smile on my lips,
You who taight me to believe.
I lift up my head to look up,
Smiling silently in my own personal celebration.
I found you,
And with that I found something else too.
Happiness, hope, and possibly...
Love.
But how I know for sure?
How can I be sure that I can give out my heart
And know it won't be thrown back?
I guess I can take a risk.
I'm willing to this just for you.
I'm willing to learn.
Learn to trust,
Learn to like,
And even
Learn to love.

Comments?

Well... today was a strange kind of day....I was very tired and felt like a horse. I was half asleep as I stood serving the other lazy/smart ass students there soup. I made the yummie deliciosous soup today. "Made with love" lol. Wow...did I just write lol? I really am tired. I'm getting closer and closer every day to saying those words. I just get scared and choked up becasue I'm unsure of how to say it. I'm scared to get hurt again. For once I don't want to just throw it out there in the open only to have it thrown back in my face. You know? I've never exactly felt this way with anybody before, this is all so new and foreign to me. I kind of want to tell him that (have I already told him that? heh-heh). He's made me feel different in this relationship. I don't think I've smiled this much (relationship or no) in a long time. I can think of him and the smile will come. I can see him all the way down on the opposite end of a hallway (he's tall and the hallways are long) and I will smile. Why is this? Is this really love? Lust? Longing? What are these new things to me? I've cried. Out of happiness, unknown reasons. Never sadness. He's never made me sad in anyway that has made me cry. He's made me angry (but we won't get too far into that one okay? *wink*)I'm just confused, happy, and unsure of myself. But I know that I'll figure everything out soon. I think...

Okay people help me out....How do I make a friends list????? For i am quite confused Oh well I'll figure it out if no on etells me........Woot! see you latahr!

POEM!!!!
Title: Unable To Touch  By: Me
It's an itch i can't scratch
A tear i can't cry
Boiling blood that can't be cooled
People will know
People will question
A need I fear to fill
A want i just can't grasp
Scraping away at endless sins
I need to escaped this hated skin
But then people will know
And then people will question
Smile and laugh for their own sake
They don't need to see the second layer
Madness that quivers
Alone in the dark
People will know
People will question
From blue to red
Pain to freedom
I can't act forever
One day I'll fall apart
One day the tears will flow
One day the blood will cool
but it has to stay locked up inside
Because I can't take the knowledge
Because I can't take teh questions
Things will only become worse
And I'm sure to stumble onto the pavement

Leave a comment and tell me what you think!!!

HOLY POOP LOOK AT ALL OF THE DIFFERNT EMOTICONS!!!!!HOLY SHI-OT!!!!!! HEE HEE HEE. Well I have to go to my MCAS help now >.<

Bai bais!
The Blood Dancer