Damn, yet another broke heart. I guess it happens to the best of us though. My theory is that everyone has another in this world that will love them, it just takes time and a lot of heart-ache and shit to find them. But thats just life, and you either learn to deal with it or you break down. I'd like to be the person that learns to deal with it, but sometimes it's hard. This goes out to everyone who's had a broken heart, I know what it's like and it sucks. Just don't give up, because someone better always comes along, even if you think it's the end of the world, it's not. Don't give up hope, I know I'm not...
Adam's Song - Blink 182
I never thought I'd die alone
I laughed the loudest who'd have known
I traced the cord back to the wall
No wonder it was never plugged in at all
I took my time, I hurried up
The choice was mine, I didn't think enough
I'm too depressed, to go on
You'll be sorry when I'm gone
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never thought I'd die alone
Another six months I'll be unknown
Give all my things to all my friends
You'll never set foot in my room again
You'll close it off, board it up
Remember the time that I spilled the cup
Of apple juice in the hall
Please tell mom this is not her fault
I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone
I never conquered, rarely came
Tomorrow holds such better days
Days when I can still feel alive
When I can't wait to get outside
The world is wide, the time goes by
The tour is over, I'd survived
I can't wait till I get home
To pass the time in my room alone
Don't know what to think right now...........
Ok, this is really hard for me to say. But Kim and I are gonna temporarily split for a while b/c we aren't gonna be able to talk at all and it sucks. But I believe it's gonna be easier to do this and just get back together then not to ba able to talk and shit. I didn't want to do this, but this will be easier and Kim agrees with me so that makes it easier. And we'll get back together someday of course. When she can talk and shit. I mean, I don't even know if it was the right decision but it was the easiest, I know that. It was for both of us. God I love her so much. But yeah, this will definatly be easier. It's all gonna work out of course. Well, I guess I'll post later, bye for now. Oh, and kim, I love you and always will.
Ok, I've been thinking a lot lately about my parents. I'm adopted and I don't know my father and my mother comes around like once a year. So this is for you... you fuckers, wherever you are...
In the dark with the music on
Wishing I was somewhere else
Taking all your anger out on me, somebody help
I would rather rot alone
Then spend a minute with you
I'm gone, I'm gone
And you can't stop me from falling apart
'Cause my self-destructi
(Chorus)How could you, how could you,
how could you hate me?
When all I ever wanted to be was you?
How could you, how could you, how could you love me?
When all you ever gave me were open wounds?
Downstairs the enemy sleeps
Leaving the TV on
Watching all the dreams we had turn into static
Doesn't matter what I do
Nothing's gonna change
I'm never good enough
And you can't stop me from falling apart'
Cause my self-destructi
(Chorus)
Tell me why you broke me down and
betrayed my trust in youI'm not giving up,
giving in when will this war end?
When will it end?
You can't stop me from falling apart (3X)
'Cause my self-destructi
(Chorus)
In a way this song describes me in a strange way, lol. Not totally cause I'm not alone now. But it still has to do with me in a way. And it's a kick ass song, lol.
Ok, this is about the last entry. I would like to thank the few that have supported both of us through this. There aren't many of you, but you know who you are and you are truly great friends, thanks.
Ok, this is for everyone who says we aren't gonna make it. Me and Kim love each other very much and this isn't fake love, this is real. I just don't understand why so many people have to be against us, I mean, what does it matter to them, these are our lives. So please just leave us the hell alone. And I'm talking about a few people specifiacally. Thanks for your time.
HIM Lyrics
You Are The One Lyrics
No I won't surrender
At any cost
You're something so sweet and tender
From my heart
Yes I've done my evil
I've done my good
Just believe me honey
I won't let go off you
You are the one
And there's no regrets at all
You are the one
And there's no regrets at all
We've had our share of misfortune
We've had our blues
And God is not on our side
Yes it's true
We keep forgetting baby
The others too
There is no one who can take that away
From me and you
You are the one
And there's no regrets at all
You are the one
And there's no regrets at all
Green Day - She's A Rebel Lyrics
She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous
She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction
From Chicago to Toronto
She's the one that they
Call old whatsername
She's the symbol
of resistance
and she's holding on my
heart like a hand grenade
is she dreaming
what I'm thinking
is she the mother of all bombs
gonna detonate
is she trouble
like I'm trouble
make it a double
twist of fate
or a melody that
sings the revolution
the dawning of our lives
she brings the liberation
that I just cant define
nothing comes to mind
She's a rebel
She's a saint
She's salt of the earth
And she's dangerous
She's a rebel
Vigilante
Missing link on the brink
Of destruction
She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's
dangerous
She's a rebel, She's a rebel, She's a rebel, And she's
dangerous
Yeah, this really fucking sucks. My parakeet presly died. I know most people would say that it's just a fucking bird and I shouldn't be sad, but he was my bird. I've had him for 2 years, he was like a part of the family. So I'm kinda sad now, I mean, it really sucks.
K = All the kindness you have shown me
I = How incomplete I would be without you
M = The many years I want to spend with you
C = All the things we can do together
U = Just how unique and special you are
B = How lovely my virtual bride looks
I = How insane I would be without you
O = How you have gone over and beyond for me
This reminds me of a school project I did once. Had to do it with my name and my phone number, lol.
It's around 3 right now. I have to leave in an hour to go and wash my aunts van for a bit of extra spening money. Ummmm..... lets see here. Today kind of sucked b/c it was boring as hell. I fixed my comp. so now it's works. Let's see here, what else. I'm probably gonna be going to some lake woth my friend bruce on friday, 2marrow I'm gonna be going to buy some new shit from hot topic. I keep reading the poems that my g/f wrote me over and over. She is so damn amazing. I love her. I think thats about it for right now. Peace.
Remember this kim
Your not pretty
I don't want you
And I wouldn't cry if you left
Your Beautiful
I need you
And I would die if you left.
Ok, on with the journal now. It's like 6 something now in the morning, been getting up early for school. At least to get used to getting up early, lol. Scool doesn't start untill the 25th. Ummmm..... thats about it i guess. Bye for now.
Hey, whats up people. I feel great right now. I think this may be the only time in my life I have been truly happy. Not depressed, suicidal, or any other shit, I'm actually happy. I've started saving money for my trip to florida, I don't have much right now, but I'll get more. As long as I have enough money to get there and to feed myself for a few days, then I'm fine. I can tell you the first thing I'm gonna do when I get down there is spend the whole day with kim. After that I'm off to look for a place to live, and if I can't find one, then I'll just sleep somewhere else. I'm very resourceful, I'll find a place. I'm gonna try and make a trade for free board if I like help clean the place or something. If that doesn't work then I'll just stay at a church or something for a few days untill I find a place. Yeah, no matter what I'm going, I'll figure things out when I get there. It'll work out somehow. All I need to know is that I'll be close to kim, everything else is just not as important. I don't know how many times I've said this, but I love her so much. I'll say it over and over. I love her. Just being able to see her and take her out will be enough to make the trip worth it all.
Just had a fight with one of my best friends, she doesn't want to talk to me right now. I mean, she told me that she didn't want to talk to me and that she would log off if she saw me on. Then I told her that if you don't want to talk to me, fine, fuck you, but i still want to be friends and I'll still be here for you. Then she called me ungrateful and logged off, I mean, that had to be the weirdest fight I have ever been a part of, lol. But seriously, thats fine, I still do want to be her friend, but if she doesn't want to be fine, I'll just sit and wait to see what happens.
[TwiztidYoshi03] a.k.a. Kim, what can I say. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. You mean the world and so much more to me. Guess I just wanted to tell everyone. I can't wait to finally be able to see you. I will be counting the days untill the end of school. I can't wait. I love you and nothing can change that. I'm so happy to know you feel the same. What I feel for you cannot be measured in words. So I guess I'll just have to measure it in the hug I'm gonna give you the second I see you.
Wow, for the first time in a long time I actaully shed a tear. And yes, it's ok for guys to do that sometimes. Even we do it, we jut don't let you know. Yeah, and no matter how many times she says she is not worth it, she it. Trust me, if you knew her, you would agree. She is so worth it. I have never felt this was about anyone before. And I want to be with her so bad. Come the end of this school year, I probably will be. At least I hope I am. Cause I'm saving a little money for a bus ticket now, so I'll be able to get down there. It's all worth it, every last penny. It's $145.00 for a one way trip from Grand Rapids, michigan, to jacksonville, florida. It's so worth it, actually, iy's cheeper than I thought it would be.
Well, I did tell her. Won't give any names, but I'm just glad I got that out. I don't know, she is amazing. But I can't really act on my feelings now. We live in different states, so unless I decide to move there, which I might anyway just to get out of michigan, there is really nothing I can do. But thats ok, I still have a desision to make. It's a hard one, and it will take time, but I'll know soon enough. When the time is right I will have my desision. And right now, I'm leaning one way, but I want to stay where I am for now.
Hey, can't tell you who you are, but I had to get this out. I don't know how to say this. I am falling for you. Damn I hate being the hopeless romantic. Listen, I am having such a hard time with this. I have a g/f, but you have been in my mind lately. It's hard to choose. Maybe I'll know whom I like more soon, maybe it'll be a while. I don't know. I would love to tell you myself, but I can't yet say your name.
I don't know what to do with myself. Life is beginning to get overbearing. It's to damn much, but in a weird way, it's still ok. It all stems from these 3 girls. I'l' explain more next time.