Its not like anyone is goign to read this because no one ever does but I gotta let out some stuff or else I am goign to make my knuckles bleed again even though thats not that bad I was told not to and I promised not to anymore. But I feel liek complete shit. I mean total shit not like sick I mean just that horrible shitty feeling like you just wanna jump over a cliff and get it over with. But I don't see why I have that feeling I have everythign I could possible wish for right now...I have a wonderful most beautiful perfect girlfriend by my side ever night and day for me...I have a nice family..we survive well we have food to eat and i have nothign to complain about but yet for osme reason I feel so empty like if some drove a spear through me all inside would be just emptyness and nothing more.....Its a feeling that makes me think of how i used to be once before...how my suicidal thoguhts took the best of me and controlled my life for a year or so......but why? I just can't seem to figure out....I just want to ...I know htis is goign to sound emo but read this entire sentence. I wish I could just run a razor up my arm deep enough below the skin and up my leg deeper than the skin and up the middle of my torso and just step out of my skin and watch my body bleed for once....I am a complete wimp...I never take risks I never do anyhtign but play by the rules...WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?.....I just want to fucking watch my body bleed just sit there and watch my bodies fluid drain out and watch me suffer in pain like an out of body experience....
I Stole My Heart Back and Watched You Bleed
As you lie on the floor
Bleeding in pain
From the wound that I caused
With the freedom of change
I stole my heart back
From the person who once had
The love for me
The person who once was
The love of mine
But that person died as
I stole my heart back
And watched you bleed
My eyes teared
As the blood drained out of your body
And seeped into the carpet
Permanently staining my life with yours
As my life goes on
The stain only grows
The stain gets bigger
As my life decomposes
Why did I do that?
Why did I take back my heart?
When she was the only one who'd take it
Now my heart lies in a box high upon the shelf
All covered with junk and dust
Like a present from grandma
Never to be used
Just to be thrown away as it gets too old
How could I do such a thing?
Hurting someone so much
And not to mention losing the only person who truly loved me
Love is a Lie
A tear falls
From his pain seared cheek
As he sits in his bathroom
With his eyes shut wishing to see
The daylight of tomorrow
To outlive this night
To see the trouble of his life
Just disappear out of sight
But once again
He snaps back to reality
To the gun in his mouth
Waiting for the trigger to spring
Pull back in motion
And the explosion to ring
The drums of his ears
And blood to cover everything
His brains to showering the rigid wall
Like a painful mans painting
All splattered with blood
From the work of his hands and pain of its struggle
As he clicks the hammer back
Prepared to feel the kick
Of the force of the gun
Ready for this to end
The doors clicks open
As he sees a familiar face
One of his lover
For she was in the arms of grace
As he sits upon the floor prepared for his death
His lover pulls the trigger and watches him die
As she sees his head explode in an array of bones and matter
She smiles with pride
For her love was a lie
Love is a lie and always will be
For she declared so as she killed him
Leaving his body cold
As she left a kiss on his cheek
Leaving a searing mark upon
The dead remains of her lover
Nothing But Death to Gain
The normal days strain
The stress of his pain
Turning to others
To release his shame
But theres no one there
No one there to listen
No one there to talk
No one there to live for
Everything being distraught
To the point of him not caring
Not being able to think
To the point of no return
Just a chamber and a bullet
And the gun he puts in his mouth
To free this agonizing pain
To release his inner wounds
Hoping that his death
Will be his gain
The heart of a lonely sinner
Burning and lost
This poor sinner is left
But without a family or friends
Nothing else but regret
For the sins he committed
And the friends he betrayed
For he never knew he would lose everything
And in return received all but gain
His life is ruined
His body is thrashed
But the only one to blame
Is the one who lit the flame
The flame that burned his life and his being to ash
For now hes left with a broken heart
And nothing but sins and trash
He lives by the dumpster by an old run down house
Feeding off anything he puts near his mouth
His stomach goes hungry day after day
Hoping to someday become more of a man
More of a man than he ever was
Hoping to return his friends
For the dirty deeds he did and the money he stole
To support the habits that destroyed his soul
Drug after drug and pill after pill
He gave up on everything accept for money and thrills
But now as you've heard
He's got nothing but life and a heart thats split open wide
So dont be sad or have sympathy for this man
For he took a wrong turn
And became a lifeless sand
Thats being blown away in the wind day by day
He loses more of his life and gains less of his heart
For he wanted to become a giant
but now he became nothing but a beggart
Joined in death
His heart stops
As his body falls limp
From the bullet that pierced
His soft pale skin
The bullet that fired
From this wielded gun
The one in his hand
The one used to run
Run away from his pain
That he couldn't hold back
To run away from his love
That his heart lacked
For his love had left
She was killed in an accident
He found out a week after
But he knew how it was meant
Meant to be it was
For those two to be soul mates
But now that shes dead
He knew he must take his own life
For they shall meet in death
And once again be rejoined
As lovers and as soul mates
Once again reborn
The Dark - My Best Poem (At least I think it is)
As day turns to night
The sun begins to hide
For terror of the moon
Strikes fear into the light
Emptiness and dark
Violent striking wind
Trees begin to sway
Bending to its each and every whim
Shadows of the dark
Speaking from within
Hiding the evidence
Of the nights darkest sins
As the night begins its terror
Striking fear in every heart
There is but few people
Who stand amongst the dark
These people are of difference
They do not like the light
Because as to them
Darkness is their maker
Darkness is their lig )ht
They have no need for light
As the light burns their soul
You may never see these people
But they once stood within us all
As pain drove them away
drove them from the light
Those of us who stand unhurt
must join us in this fight
fearing that we may not win
Shall not make us flinch
for serving in this darkest battle
may drive our hearts to win
Blood must be shed
For there is no other way
To show us that this awful deed
Cant go along unscathed
Making this unlawful thing
shown to us all
Makes the world a calmer place
As the dark takes over us all
ShadowMancer
Night Falls
As the day dies
The Shadows appear
Under the moons light
Figures become
Distorted and Evil
From mere sight
They appear beneath you
A bold man I knew
Ran towards evil
With destruction in his hands
He Controlled the ones who wait
lurking in the dark
Commanding there every move
Thats how he got the name
ShadowMancer
His Mystery Angel
Deep within the night
As his mind turns to rest
And dreams begin to wake
Deep within his mind
A vision starts to rise
A shadowed figure
Of angelic proportion
Shadowed by the darkness
In the blinding dark
Of this desolate hallway
The darkness begins to lift
As the light begins brightening
he sees dark locks of flowing hair
He see her figure
Beautifully slender and smooth
Her faces stays dark
As if to hide her identity
she leans in
Tells him
I will love you always
But first
You must find me
As he wake
To find himself
Lying on the floor of his bedroom
In a cold sweat
He proceeds to find his angel
As he sweats
Panting down the sidewalks
Trying to find his angel
The first night nothing
He found no angel
As he falls deep
Deep into his slumber
The dream reoccurs
He searches
And Searches
And Searches
Finding nothing
The clock strikes
Midnight it is
Midnight has come
And still
He has not found his angel
But as he travels home
He takes a shortcut
Through dark desolate alley
As he stumbles through trash
And falls into sorrow
He see a flickering light
Under the light he sees
A shadowy figure
Of angelic Proportion
As in his dream
Shadowed by the darkness
In the blinding dark
Of this desolate alleyway
The darkness begins to lift
As the light begins brightening
he sees dark locks of flowing hair
He see her figure
Beautifully slender and smooth
Except this time
her face no longer hides
It shows glowing with beauty
As he rejoices by the finding
Of his Mystery angel
¬Morning and Night
This night
A night of pain
A Night of confession
A Night filled with tears
A Night made of nothing but tragedy
Yet A Night must have an end
And a day a beginning
Your words
they draw my hands close to yours
So you may grip my fingers
The more you speak
The more you collapse onto me
I slowly move my arms
sliding them around your body
pulling yourself tight to me
As You lay your head on my shoulder you begin to cry
The more you cry
The deeper your nails dig into my skin
The pain is sincere
yet I grip you tighter
To show you I am here for you
No matter what
Your tears fall onto my skin
Like a hard raining thunderstorm
My eyes well up
As I begin to cry
I hold you so close to me
ours tears blend into one stream
One stream wetting my shirt
As your cries ease and turn to uneven gasps of air
I gently run my fingers through your hair
I slowly tilt your head up
I look into your eyes
As you stare back into mine
I push your hair back behind your ear
and wipe away your tears
as I wipe them away I see
The sun as it rises
As it begins a new day
and ends another
ending and beginning
with us
Winters Drift
My eyes water
With tears of Anger
The tears that send a man into rage
My anger is precise
My anger drives me forth
I push the anger to physical force
I Yell at the top of my lungs
Pushing out the anger in force through my knuckles
The pain so crippling that I drop to my knees
So crippling that I Vomit from it
But yet I keep forcing myself to inflict pain
Inflicting pain on an nonliving forms
Curdling from every blow
Showing that my mistakes
Are what drove me to do this
My Mistakes drove me to anger
Anger drove me to pain
Pain drove me to bleeding
Bleeding drove me to death
My body motionless
Dead upon the ground
Still bleeding freshly form my wounds
Will i ever be found
Or will I be forgotten
Just like a winters drift
Holding back
Visions of life
Before your own death
The reflection behind her eyes
Showing her souls regrets
But as her regrets take her over
He embraces her body
Embracing her with his heart and soul
Making sure she knows he wont let her go
As his soul drives him to her
As his heart drives him to love
He Tries holding back
Trying to save himself from another wound
But his heart takes over
He lets go of his restraint
Letting his heart lead the way
Embracing her with not only his body
But with his heart and soul
As her tears break against his skin
He holds her closer
Making sure she knows he's there
Making sure she knows He wont leave
Making sure she knows he can be trusted
Not just with her possessions
But also with her fragile soul
And her callused heart
As there souls meet
He realizes his time is near
His time is now
As his heartbeat slows to a near stop
He collapses
As soon as he has fallen
She has met him on the ground as well
As he takes in his last breaths
He utters ich liebe dich
As his heart stops
And as she weeps once more
For he shall no longer exist
Only in her heart shall he live on
As she wished he would not have held back
For she loved him too
Invisible tears
My heart is filled with anger
Trusting no one and their lies
The pain of dissapointment in you killing me softly
Making you dissapear
Is my hardest task yet
For you meant so much to me
But still you lied to me instead
My heart is not a part of me
For you made me this way
And I shall never be
That loving trusting me again
I have been hurt
And got up
Then been hurt again
I gave you another chance
Then along came another man
I tried to ignore
Knowing he's just a friend
But still my insticts took over
And he ended up kissing you
And even more than that
My heart not broken its is made of steel
For you didnt break it
you only manage to steal
You stole my dignity you stole my trust
You stole my caringness and now you must
Leave me now and never return
I shall never remeber you
For it is to much hurt
Leave me be as my body drops from high to low
Hitting the ground swift and fast
In one crashing blow
My death isnt noticed
And my heart has stopped
My neck has broken
As the blood runs out
My tears that I cry are no longer physical
The tears I cry now
Are all invisible
I Love You
Lifes fist
Making me bleed from the inside out
Lifes fist
bruising my insides
The internal bleeding of my body
Caused by the words from their mouth
My life is trash
Theres nothing left
Theres no one to live for
Theres no one to live with
But along comes opportunity
You walk into my life
My internal bleeding turns to swelling
As the swelling turns to normalities
My heart that didnt exist
Begins to appear
I dont understand what you do to me
But all I know is that you make me feel
You make me feel loved
You make me feel wanted
You understand my needs
And fulfill all my wants
I need no other
There is no other
You are my own
And I am your someone
I dont know any other way to desrcibe it
But all I have to say is
I love you
Breedings of Insanity
My blood runs cold
As you lye there dead
My eyes turn white
As blood runs from your head
The once wrong
I now made right
As you threw your fist
I finished the fight
You knew this would happen
You knew I would retaliate
Hitting me in the first place
Was your biggest mistake
I know your my authority but frankly right now I don't care
Because as I see it
The fight that I won was faught unfair
Not unfair in your favor but unfair in mine
Because you are twice my age
And also twice my size
You had no right to hit me
You cowardly drunk bitch
How dare you strike a child
In order to stop you
I took a bat to your head
Knocking you down
As blood filled the floor
As I stood there eyes wide
As I was fuel to thrash him more
So i raised my bat and began to swing
First kind of light but then to much harder swings
As the blood splattered everywhere
On the walls and on the ceiling
My anger didn't release me
It intensified my beatings
As I forced the bat blow after blow into his corpse
I realized now
That his end was my end
So for me there had to be no remorse
So I finished him up
After beating him profusely
That his anger had transfered
From him to what I know see
A mangled corpse
No longer living
A tortured soul
That derived for living
I made myself clean
As I washed myself in his blood
Sacrificing my soul for nothing much
Except maybe for this gun
Fading Passion
This night so dark and new
The candles lit with a passion that melts its wax
A passion that exists in this very room
A passion so deep that even the clouds cry in envy
As their tears break against the shingled roof
Two bodies enthralled in one another
Toss and turn in the dark
As if dancing with each other
Using the blankets as their clothing
Encasing their skin lathered bodies
As they begin to relax
Their hearts blaze with passion
Such a passion that would tear them apart if they let one another go
Wishing for this to never end
As they lay together curled up in their feelings and dreams
Of the passion that just came true
As they lay wearing nothing but their heart and soul
Showing the feelings they have hid for so long
As the night begins to end
They run their hands over one another one more time
To grasp maybe just a touch of the passion they had that night
As they fade off into the distance to never return
Living Mummy
The stress of all
The pain in sight
The longing here
Without strength nor might
My eyes scream to shut
By I can only but stare
At this horrific cut
Gashed within his head
For I am the one
The one who finished this storm
I am the son
Who unraveled his true form
His mummified lies
Wrapped up in drinks
Holding his anger on verge of a brink
The violence soon to come
Based upon his glassed out eyes
Broken and dying there
My mother lies
As he comes to take his swing
My body gets thrown
And as I lay in sting
My mind comes a glow
My hand grabs a blade
And across his face it goes
Down his neck and through his viens
As this knife drags on
My hand grips tight
As I watch him bleed
Bathing my hands in his bodly sink of blood
This mummy
This living Mummy is what killed my life
And now lives no more
Save Me Now God
My eyes depressively bent
As my heart sinks to a low
My smile turns to a smirk
My smirk turns to a frown
As my heart begins to burn
And my world crashes to the ground
My tears are a sinister acid
That burns a heart to the core
They hurt the soul
But leave me begging for more
As my eyes pour out in pain
I begin to sweat
Sweating a red substance from my veins
This substance salty and bitter
Tastes like the life I live
My arms raise as I pull myself up
Out of the hole I live in
As I stand I see the stars
But out of the stars I see only one
The one that looks like me
The one that is falling
I wish upon for it is my idol
As I drop from the building
I cry out once more
save me now
As my body collapses and falls
Never to return to the surface
Never to be heard from again
For rock bottom is where I lie