I'm going through an A l k a l i n e T r i o phase.
It's a really fun phase.
I've seen them 3 times now.
[ s p i f f y ]
Oh my fuck
I so totally had a revelation today.
I'm not meant to be all [ g r o w n u p ] and [ s e x y ] and [ s u l t r y ] and [ m y s t e r i o u s ] and [ m a t u r e ] and stuff.
It's just not me.
Me is [ b u b b l y ] and [ l o u d ] and [ c o n f i d e n t ] and [ g o o f y ] and [ i m m a t u r e ] and [ c u t e ] and [ a f f e c t i o n a t e ] and [ h a p p y ].
With a [ c o n t a g i o u s ] laugh =D
And a dreamer.
I don't need goals or aims or targets.
I'm
this world is so full of hate
so full of anger
so full of pain
that it's hard to find anything good in it
but if you look
really, truly look, you'll find that tiny little seed you're searching for
that little jewel of hope
that love
it's not just found in our prospering, rich countries
where, to be fair, we dont really know the meaning of pain
of anguish
of hurt
no, you can find that hope wherever you look
what's made the african nations stand up for themselves?
their children?
Love
if a country has nothing else
you can guarantee that the only thing holding it together is love
love
and that tiny, golden, priceless string of hope
that one small thing can heal a thousand hurts
a million wounds
the most gravely injured human
can feel at peace
if he dies knowing
truly knowing
that he is loved
even the terrorists that bomb our countries
they have love
that shred of hope
they kill themselves and so many others because they believe
their belief is so whole and so true that they are willing to sacrifice hundreds of lives
so when you say that this world will shred itself one day
maybe it will
but at least it's normal, average people will know how it feels to truly live
to live, and to love
I CAN SEE PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIIIIIGHT!
Ok so Mike just explodes into my life on sunday.
And then I can't get him out of my head.
What do I do?
So confused.
Everything is about being an individual
Life is nothing if you can't realise who you are supposed to be
We become teenagers so that we can develop into the balanced, incredible adults we evolve into
Individuality is an integral part of the learning curve
How can you enjoy what's laid out before you if you dont experience it as a unique and seperate person?
You can share almost anything, but you can never share a life.
Life is a gift
You have to live it as you.
My dearest grandmamma has pneumonia and is going to die.
She has alzheimers.
She doesn't know who I am.
Who my brother is.
Who her own daughter is.
She can't talk.
She can't move.
She can't breathe.
She is in so much pain they put an 82 year old on huge amounts of morphine.
She has an unhealing gash in her leg.
And they say euthanasia is cruel
COOKIE I THINK YOU'RE TAAAAAAAAAAAAA
TAAAAME
TAAAAAAAAAAAAA
TAAAAAAAAAAAAA
oh how do you do, young willy mcbride do you mind if i sit here down by your graveside and rest for a while in the warm summer sun i've been walking all day, and im nearly done and i see by your gravestone you were only nineteen when you joined the great fallen in 1916 well i hope you died quick and i hope you died clean oh willy mcbride, was is it slow and obscene [did they beat the drums slowly? did they play the fife lowly? did they sound the death march as they lowered you down? did the band play the last post and chorus? did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?] and did you leave a wife or a sweetheart behind in some loyal heart is your memory enshrined and though you died back in 1916 to that loyal heart you're forever nineteen or are you a stranger without even a name forever enshrined behind some old glass pane in an old photograph torn, tattered, and stained and faded to yellow in a brown leather frame [did they beat the drums slowly? did they play the fife lowly? did they sound the death march as they lowered you down? did the band play the last post and chorus? did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?] the sun shining down on these green fields of france the warm wind blows gently and the red poppies dance the trenches have vanished long under the plow no gas, no barbed wire, no guns firing now but here in this graveyard that's still no mans land the countless white crosses in mute witness stand till' man's blind indifference to his fellow man and a whole generation were butchered and damned [did they beat the drums slowly? did they play the fife lowly? did they sound the death march as they lowered you down? did the band play the last post and chorus? did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?] and i can't help but wonder oh willy mcbride do all those who lie here know why they died did you really believe them when they told you the cause did you really believe that this war would end wars well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame the killing and dying it was all done in vain oh willy mcbride it all happened again and again, and again, and again, and again [did they beat the drums slowly? did they play the fife lowly? did they sound the death march as they lowered you down? did the band play the last post and chorus? did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?]
I've got a book of matches
I've got a can of kerosene
I've got some mad ideas involving you and me
I don't blame you for walking away
I touched myself at thoughts of flames
I shat the bed and laid there in it
Thinking of you wide awake for days
Wide awake for days
And I found you tongue-tied ;my twisted little brain
You couldn't crack a smile
I didn't catch your name
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
In four short steps we can erase this
Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop off at Edgebrook Creek and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one...
I'm like a broken record
I've got a needle scratching me
It injects the poisons of alcohol I.V.
I don't blame you for walking away
I'd do the same if I saw me
I swear it's not contagious
I swear to God it's not contagious
Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Lake Michigan and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love - love for fire
This could be love for fire for evermore
Step one -- slit my throat
Step two -- play in my blood
Step three -- cover me in dirty sheets and run laughing out of the house
Step four -- stop at Berkeley Marina and rinse your crimson hands
You took me hostage and made your demands
I couldn't meet them so you cut off my fingers, one by one
One by one
Aha.
Yes.
Teh Leeds Fest.
Rawked.
FUCK YEAH!
Many, many stupid moments.
Many, many good bands.
Many, many guys pulled.
*grins*
16, to be precise.
On Sunday night.
...I rawk.
Al and Phe did their share too.
Lol.
We so rawked the joint.
And we were SO wasted.
*beams*
Oh yes.
We are gods.
This has been a horrible horrible day.
Me and dearest mamma had a mass bust up.
She said that I don't care that my nana's dead.
I was mortified.
I was upstairs for a while
then I heard Carey and mum shrieking at each other.
I looked out of my room and they were hitting each other
at the top of the stairs.
I was so scared.
I turned my music up as loud as it would go
and I could still hear them yelling.
After a while
I couldnt hear anything.
I turned off the music and I could just hear Carey
crying his heart out.
I swear, i've never seen my big brother so upset.
He was so distressed.
I never wanted to hurt her more than i did then.
Just like she hurt him.
Then she started getting at me again
Nagging, knawing at an invisible bone
Like it was my fault that she'd argued with Carey.
She was so angry, and she took it out on me.
She's so vicious
So selfish
So cruel.
I never want to see her again
Never want to be around her.
I used to think she was just weird
But she's horrible
Really, truly horrible.
She's a nasty woman.
She then accused my Carey of having something wrong with his
head.
That's why they argue, apparently.
I went round to Als afterwards.
Phe was there.
We ate ice cream and watched American Beauty.
=)
I love my friends so much.
Sarah: I need to get your mobile number because my phone deleted them all.
Me: You want my number?
Sarah: No, not really...
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-viole
I am the domestic-viole
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Well.
Nana's dead.
Now we're just waiting for Grandma to die.
I saw Nana on Wednesday.
She was so small
So thin
So changed.
She was an incredible woman.
Powerful and strong and independent.
She never needed anyone else.
And then the alzheimers hit.
It hurts so bad to see someone you love
Wasting away.
It hurts so bad...
†
R.I.P Jean Davies.
I'll miss you.
I'll never forget you.
I love you
†