Nightmares can’t last forever, can they? When I first left the foster home, I had this strange dream- no, not dream, it was more of a nightmare really-. I had the same on over and over again, it never went away. But it did change ever so slightly. Objects in the nightmare kept getting more realistic, and my pain kept getting more real. Finally, one night, they stopped. I was confused on why I was getting them, and then why they stopped so suddenly. The last dream I had was the most real…

I see my reflection in a broken mirror, thin, pale. I tremble constantly I wont go near anyone. He wants to kill me. Brown hair, brown eyes are the only thing I know about him. He succeeded once in killing me, I will not let him again. I have locked my self away in a tower. The old clock chimes four twenty a.m., while the date on the calendar reads January 14th. I’ve been locked away for months now, afraid of him. Afraid of him coming back and killing me. The tears are large in my eyes there’s nothing I can do but let them fall. I hear creaking on the stairs that lead up to my room, the old door that has not been open in so long starts to turn. I sit in the corner in my room, watching the door through my blurry tears vision, my attacker is her and now the full moon out side my window illuminates his face. I watch as he came closer, tears streaming down my face. “Why?" I cry "What did I ever do to you?" His evil smirk appeared on his face. “Dear child,” he began, "You did nothing, absolutely nothing but, that isn’t going to stop me from killing you… AGAIN!"

I’m walking around in a cold dark barren place. Storm clouds are over head yet rain never seems to fall. My black hair is knotted and the black silk kimono I am wearing is dirty and torn. My whole body is cut, bruised and dusted with light dirt.

Just when I was about to call out for help, I see the man again. He walks over to me, evil twisted smile still on his face. Showing no mercy, he grabs the back of my head and pulls up on my hair so that I’m looking up at his face. He keeps one strong thumb and finger on my chin. The man looked into my eyes, smiled slyly and kissed me on the lips before shoving my face down into the dirt and walking away…


I never had that dream again. Nor did I ever have any acknowledgement as to where it came from. But one thing I do know is that all of my dreams come true. I once dreamed I would find a place to be at peace with myself and I did; the crystal pool. I once dreamed that Jeremy, the meanest of all the foster children, would move out and leave me be. Two days later, Jeremy was gone. The worst of my griefs were over, but I still had the other foster children who would try to hit me as hard as he would. In memory of him.

But this dream was strange. I didn’t even understand it (well most of it anyways). Would this mean I would die? And more, importantly, who is the man that shall kill me?

Life out on your own is not a glorious thing either. I have to admit I get more freedom but it’s still difficult. Most of the places I travel to are around water. Rivers and lakes, and big rushing rapids. I always kept my distance from them, never forgetting that horrible day when I was thrown into the pond by the older children. There was only one place surrounded by water that I felt comfortable being by.

Deep in the forest, there was a mountain that was caved in. In the middle of it, was a deep body of crystal clear water. Pure water, that flowed there and a magnificent white waterfall, so white that if you stood behind it, you would think it was snowing. I always sat on top of a large rock, and watched the pond, never still, always moving with excitement from the waterfall. How I always wished to swim in that pond, my body floating as light as a feather, the current of the waterfall flowing me around.

But then I wake up in reality, and look at my horrible self, knowing that my dreams will never come true. That I am destined to live a life alone, away from the world, with no one to care for or love me… Many times I thought of just jumping into the pond and drowning myself. The pool is deep and dark, and hidden away. No one would ever hear me scream or see my drowned face.

But why would anyone care if I died? No one has ever cared for me before; they’ve always treaded me like shit. After I always do every thing for them; I help them, I’m nice to them, and I care for them. And for what? For nothing! Nothing but pain on my end! For me, it would be better off if I never lived at all…

I can’t swim. How can anybody? Water is just a liquid, nothing to hold on to, how can people glide around on it like its thin air? I remember when I was a little girl; one of the older guys in the foster tried to drown me, by grabbing me and dunking my head under water. How ever, he underestimated my strength and I kicked the shit out of him, sending him flying into the water. One of the kids watching, told Mrs. Stone; the foster mother, that I got angry for no reason and pushed one of the kids into the pond. (Of course he “accidentally” left out the part of where the kid tried to drown me.) I bet he was wishing I had drowned. Everyone was. This just made me hate them even more.

Mrs. Stone always carried around a bamboo stick that she would whip kids with if they were bad. Only I was the only one she whipped it with. All the kids in the foster home set me up or blame me for their wrong doings. I think they enjoy seeing me get hurt. I can remember the nights where I would just sit up in bed and cry. I would cry for the way I was treated and cry because I wasn’t loved. I was truly beginning to believe that the only I was brought to this earth was to be abused and be everyone’s slave.

Oh right, I forgot, I never told you that part. Well, when Mrs. Stone ever left the house or turned her back to us, all the kids would threaten me, and make me do their chores. And I did them, what choice did I have? No matter what I did I would be whipped, even if I did my chores (not to mention everyone else’s). Now if I did something wrong like talk back or screw off, then yes, I can accept being punished. But whipped? No one deservers that, not even high criminals, and especially orphans who just want a place to live. If this is what life is like in every family, then what is the point of living?

My birth was a mistake. I should have never been born. A drunken man found my mother on the street and fucked her up. Nine months later, I was born. Now my mother, being only fifteen, was in no condition to take a child, so she left me on the streets to die. My “father” was a drunken bastard who was later found dead by a dumpster shortly after my mother came pregnant with me. Someone found me on the streets and took me to the police station, however, I was too young to tell them who I belonged to and my mother nor did anyone ever come for me. I was sent to live in a foster home. For fifteen years I was teased and taunted by foster children because I was different than the rest of them.

I have long black hair, and pure greyish-green eyes. I am anorexic and bulimic and my arms are covered in scars I have given myself with a pocket knife. I started smoking at age ten when I found a pack of cigarettes in one of my foster parents’ drawer when I was hiding from the other kids not wanted to get beat up again. I would even sneak down stairs in the middle of the night and drink gin from the cupboard. My ears are filled with holes from all the times I have pierced them, I even have a lip ring. I always where long clothes to cover up my scars that I bare, though my face shows my pain.

By the age of fifteen, I set out on my own, trying to find at least just one reason why I was brought to earth. I have searched and searched have yet to find an answer.

My name is Raven, I am sixteen years old, and I am alone...