Soooo... it's been roughly two years since I have visited Elftown. A lot of my talent for once drawing has withered remarkably. I picked up PC gaming earlier in the year.. did a few LAN tournaments for Battlefield 2 and once for Counter-strike: Source. Won all tournies for BF2, and got close for CS:S with my team SOB (formerly known as NA).

Now I play World of Warcraft. Steamwheedle Cartel baby. I don't have a whole lot to say.. I never got my wacom tablet, even though I could have had that easily by now. I don't know how often I would use that sucka.

I'd still like it. :)

I haven't entered a mini-coma in ages until last night. I told my boyfriend to wake me up in a hour (from 8pm) so I can join him in Counterstrike. Then sometime from 9pm to 8am I was out cold. I don't know what could make me sleep so much on my own, and my only target of suspicion is a little pill called Zyrtec.

There is so much I want to do but feel so incapable or inadequate to fulfil right now, being tired-but-awake. I want to sew, for one. I just haven't been home very much. I was playing Counterstrike earlier and doing oh-so-poorly. The other night I was tired too but managed 20/9 on a clan server, which was awesome.

Anyway, I need to find something to do.

Happy March. I see it has been quite a while since I last wrote a sentence here. I'd say it was because I had no internet, but that was only up until mid-December. Before then until September I could say it was because I had a new job. But from September to June, I can't support a reason at all why I wasn't visiting here often.

I have a laptop, though. I purchased it from an old friend in October, for probably the best deal possible. Just recently I set up my very first wireless router as well. I've been feeling rather accomplished and cheerful these last few days, other than the over-abundant work-related stress.

Right now the only things on my mind are online shopping, Counter Strike, HIM, and my wonderful boyfriend. I never knew love could be so childish and entirely on a higher level. It's a perfect blend of everything I enjoy in life, in myself, and in others. I am very fortunate to have found the love of my life, and since meeting him my views on love have certainly changed. I am no longer as cynical and skeptical to a happier emotion. In fact, I crave to be loved now. Hurting inside no longer defines my standard of living. It's a crazy world, huh.

Aside from all that, I've been stepping back into HTML. Hopefully I can meet the specifications I've been longing to attain in that field. I've also just stepped back into drawing. I still want a drawing tablet as much as ever, and I definitely can afford it now.. it's just a matter of finding the right one for me and planning ahead some time to indulge in it.

As I mentioned earlier, Counter Strike has also taken a large chunk of out my time. We can all thank my boyfriend for getting me hooked on that.. heh. I'm a night hawk and magnum sniper kind of girl. ;) If I had a third arm I'd say I was also a Krieg 550 Commando kind of girl, too.

The other thing I mentioned was the band HIM. I've never loved a band more in such a relatively short time. The more songs I hear by them, the more I want to hear more. It's one of those vicious cycles, but I'm loving it. I bought three CDs, two for my boyfriend, and just recently bought a few HIM accessories. Right now Ville Valo, Trent Reznor, and Chris Cornell are on the same level for me. Such amazing musicians.

Yea, well I'm going to play a MUD or do something of the nature. Oh and if you like good, foreign music, I'd recommend Epica [http://www.epica.nl], Nightwish [http://www.nightwish.com] and For My Pain [http://www.formypain.com], too.

Today is my birthday. Yeeeehy. I started working at my new job June 1st (the first week being training), so technically on my third day of actual working I got two stainless steel bracelets (one watch) with some gold trim or some shit. Not to mention guys left and right wanting to wed me and drag me to Mexico.. anyway.

I tried giving the jewelry back, saying it was too expensive, and the guy said, "Nooo, it's really not expensive, really!" So I narrow my eyes, briefly look him up and down with the look of, "Oh is that right?" printed on my face. All in good jest.

Girl moment: I like a guy at work. He's my sister's friend and just seems sweet. Unlike most guys he's not trying to drown me in flowers, jewelry, and other unnecessary shit I definitely could do without. But I'd be thrilled just to be friends with him. Work and relationships, I know, do not go together. It'd just be nice to have someone to talk to while I'm playing with raw chicken. Hint hint. Guess the fabulous place I'm working! Yeeehy.

I get my paycheck this Thursday-Friday.. on top of the $50 birthday money! Less-sarcastic-yeeehy. Also, today the local town fair started and I'll be helping out at the Skatepark booth raising money as we did last year. Today it rained like hell but everything turned out wonderful because the booth storage room was across the street in a building I've always wanted to look around in -- the old, abandoned What Not Shop. In the early 1900's a huge train wreck happened in a nearby town, and all the bodies were brought into the shop (then it was used to hold bodies until the families picked them up). Great history to the buliding. It's said that after the bodies were taken there the building has been haunted. The building used to be a boarding house and it closed down soon after. Rumors said it used to be a brothel too.. but I don't know about that.. although there were some bright red, though faded, wallpaper.. anyway. Later a laywer would live there and kill himself, and another man would hang himself in the only elevator in town. So the building is interesting by all means. I wanted to spend a Halloween sleeping there but that hasn't happened yet. But yea, today I got to walk around in it and go upstairs and see the rooms. The upstairs used to be a bowling alley too and a man in town spoke of how he, as a young boy, would set up the pins for $0.10 an hour. He's seventy-ish now. Awesome small town stories.

I've got work tomorrow.. which means I need as much sleep as possible. Looks like I'll get four hours at this rate and I'll be up from five a.m. to midnight.. damnishnessfuck.

It's greatly amusing for me to get a second round of "hi" notes. Not a random, one-time, "hi" note, but a second after that.. and months later no less!

Greatly amusing, as I said.

It reminds me of a story.. admitedly not a good one, unless you were there. You had to be there, be in that town, to understand the greatness of this story.

I knew a guy in school, but there was an indirect, subconscious game about not knowing his or the game participant's names. That was forbidden. Seppuku would've probably been the only way out of making that mistake, except not every teenager has a katana worthy of their lives in their school locker. But, before I knew the game concept, I asked a guy the name of the main guy in the game's name. To make things easier.. his name.. was.. David. My brother was invovled with the game as well. One day I slipped and said his name to my brother, and my brother still has not forgiven me. He told the guy at school with dismay and eventually the guy who told me the name would purposely say my brother's name to David. And the game was no longer fun. And the game no longer existed. But it was funny. I kinda liked David, very much so, though I do believe he has gone far away now. I never caught his last name, foo. But I tried. I passed glances one time during seminar in the computer room. You know, where you type your username, in that box. But not only did he delete/backspace it all, but he eradicated the name completely so that if I had wanted to sneak onto his computer to hit 'undo' it would have been futile. Completely futile.

Good story or what?

Hell yea.

I just love the mystery of not knowing someone's name. I went on a few weeks before knowing my soon-to-be boyfriend's name, that was interesting. Having friends who you can only address as, "Hey you!" It's great. It makes you seem so worthless at the same time, but fuck, it's great.

Aww, shit. The homefront is starting to suck ass.

Did I ever tell you that I hate humans and will one day lead an animal uprising against them?

I probably haven't, because I'm not serious. Or am I..

Humans do suck, though. They steal my alone time. Filthy hourmongers. Filthy in every aspect. Filthy.

Because of them, or shall I say because of one such prime example, I still have trash bags on my room floor that need to be dragged out so that I may commence the painting of the walls. I really, really hate filthy people making filthy plans for myself. 

Kill them all I say, kill them all.

Blew almost eighty dollars into mostly room-related items. That's always extremely fun.. right. I've been up all night and, strangely, I feel like cleaning my room some more so I can sand the walls and get to painting it by tomorrow. It's currently the color of "Patriot Blue" but when it gets re-painted it'll be "Stone Blue". That's a grey blue for those of you with a lack of imagination. It's some shades lighter than Cadet Blue, but anyway. I'll then have my closet painted black, and maybe use dark blue acrylics to do some trimwork and wooden borders in there. I was joking with a friend about dedicating the closet as a shrine for them, then somewhere about midway into the joke I realized I wasn't really, all that, joking. It'll probably be more of a shelter for ritualistic and spirit-summoning tools and devices though. Yepyep.

Black walls with glow-in-the-dark fixtures and furnishings would be so fucking sweet; alas, I only have full freedom for my closet, thus the overblacking it. But it's all too funny because chances are I might just move out the house in a few months, so... why put so much money into it? My only thought was that it'd make me happy. And it would, tremendously.

There are plenty of details which I need to work out sometime between now and when I paint the walls. The ceiling light, window and sill, my glorious Audioslave poster... I want to keep that up in my room but it takes half a wall.. so I'm considering putting it on my closet door. Of course, that'd require me to fold the poster on the edges so that it fits on the door and doesn't tear. Man.. then the switchplates I can't decide whether I should paint those dark blue (and I know acrylics won't work well) or buy steel ones for. I know I'm scraping the ceiling, and I'll probably paint that the same color as the walls to my dismay. I'm thinking of a black border some inches from the top though, which I'm considering black (or dark grey) curtains. The top black border would look rather well with a black baseboard around the room, which I plan to paint as such.

Oh yea, let me tell you a sad story. A forewarning -- it's only sad because of sentiment. Since my family moved into this house about eleven years ago, I've never had to change my closet lightbulb. Some odd months ago it just burns out, just like that, and I hadn't the heart to replace it. It has served me well, exceptionally well, and no run-of-the-mill lightbulb could ever pretend to replace its former replica. So, because I haven't had a shred of light in my closet (which holds my clothes and other things that would be nice to see, as opposed to fumbling around in shadows and going by trial and error [and an extraordinary memory of where most things are]) I have decided that, yes, it is time to pay proper respects to the grand lightbulb by replacing it with one that will never shine as bright as it had in its prime: a black lightbulb. I haven't had light in the closet for so long that even a black lightbulb would be like a blazing beacon. So we're all happy; me, my lightbulb, and my closet. Happy as mutherfuckers.

The main door in my room has been broken for years as well. I haven't had a piece of privacy since. For a large portion of those years I didn't even have a door, for it was removed with talk of "one day it will be fixed". Which obviously didn't happen. Though some months ago it was re-attached back onto its terribly shattered frame, which allowed me to close the door. I still couldn't lock it, but that was a step forward, regardless. If I begged a friend, or simply ask -- either or, I can get the frame fixed freely. They'll supply wood, whatever, and it'll be fixed so I can lock the door. But I'll just wait and see what happens without their help, because I'm not asking.

I'll probably thrash the current blinds, and I'd love to buy some tinted window film to put on my window.. I bet that'd look strange but fuck. I think I'll paint my furniture all black in the room, which would be a desk, shelf, and my bedstand. I'll probably do some minimal hand-sewing and make those shams or what not, too. If I had more money I'd pull up the carpet and put some hardwood flooring down. Yeeeeeep.

As far as room decorating went, I'd put my artwork probably on the reverse/inner side of my closet door. Then I'm thinking of painting two overlapping black squares on one wall which would have floating shelves painted in the stone blue. It's all about reusing the colors and finding some chaotic balance.

Well, anyway, those are my wonderful plans.

What a day. What a life. I noticed today that my poem Conflictions of the Heart was featured for the Daily Poem page recently, to which I received several notes about. Thank you.

I've been absent for quite a sum of reasons. In March I was swamped with work. That was fun and terrible at the same time -- needless to say, all in all, it sucked. I blew a hideous amount of money into books in that time as well, which had me thrilled and, again, feeling terrible at the same time. But it didn't suck. I've been "improving" the well-being of my shoddy room in what spare time I find.. and ran into an old friend who I've talked with on and off for about six years. Probably the best friend I have right now. We are in such a mess, such a mess. I could explain it to you with a sordid, yet completely amusing, shallow grin, but that's probably more than anyone here could expect to show some remorse in. It's fine. All is fine.

I was replying to notes this morning and was interrupted to fetch an adhesive bandage for an aluminum can lid wound. It was devastating. Truly horrifying. I'm the only head under this broken roof that doesn't mind cleaning up someone else's blood. When people get cut, I'm usually not too far away. It's almost as though I'm drawn to blood.. or clumsy people are drawn to me. However, I was thankful that this morning the person who nearly became an amputee, a lifelong victim of can lids, (sarcasm, kids, it's all sarcasm) fortunately remembered that rinsing the wound in hot water was a bad idea. This little bit of advice I sent them the last time they suffered a similar travesty kicked in only five or so seconds this time. Improvement. Definitely an improvement.

I feel as though my job to society has been done with flying colors, and that today should be my day off from the harshness of a narrow-minded frenzied mob of what most people refer to as the "human race". I shall embark on a serious hermitage to my room. To my bed, in particular. This hermitage will last for a rough ten or fifteen hours, and then I will probably meet up with that friend at night. Vampires we are. We shall smite all that is darker than an unhealthy, sickly pale, and stalk the other vampires (or people on the prowl for lack of a motor transportation) and fun we shall obtain. Fun, I say!

Mmmmm.. sleep.

I may be forgetful, or perhaps today really was the first day I saw my birth certificate. Very interesting. I now know my real middle name. I already knew the place of my birth has been closed down for some years now, but I still find it intriguing. Intriguing to be born in a place nonexistent, save for the memories of others like me. I also realized I was born at midnight. It's no wonder why I love the dark so much, is it? And that makes me smile.

I was relatively bored and so posted a quiz here earlier, but I didn't really like it I later noticed.

A friend of sorts sent me a song and I've been listening to that, along with my other mp3s, since. On my playlist, for your temporal amusement of course, are the following:

Jack Off Jill -- Vivica
Loser's Luck -- Move On
Placebo -- Every You Every Me
Plumb -- Damaged
Like Linus -- Six Inch Blade
Krafted in Korea -- Fight Song

Three of those bands are from the St. Louis area and you can download them from stlpunk.com which is a site with local-ish bands. I'm also listening to six other Japanese songs, heh, one being the ending theme song for Blue Seed. Pretty sweet.

Lovely, I'm listening to my parents fighting right now. I turned up the music minutes ago to Rooney, but I still hear them. I guess it's because there's no door separating me from them. My mother's crying, my father keeps saying he'll die soon, what am I to think? I kind of wished they could get along.

Sorry for this post. I'm just kind of sad, but I should probably keep further thoughts inside.

I'm not sure why but writing here has been strangely addictive. It's only a shame I have nothing of worth to write about..

I decided tonight that I'd like to create a new layout. I know of a great website that will host freely and without ads, so I thought I'd give that a try. I haven't really thought what to put on the site though, when I get hosted, which I need to create as a requirement for being hosted. Probably some standard personal things like late night ramblings and all the useless information one could ever dream of knowing.

Maybe I'll scour my computer folders and dig up some old artwork and poetry to place up there. Who knows. I'd love to have a wacom graphire3 tablet though. Ooooh nice. I'd draw all night and most of the day, and when I slept I'd be dreaming of what to draw. Until then, though, my dreams will continue to be filled with darkness, loneliness, and an unimaginative realm of my imagination. Kind of boring, wouldn't you agree?

The past few days have been well. There has been plenty of good-humoured jokes passed around and a lot of laughing took place, it's just been great overall. My family has the strangest relation to each other, in that we care much but have an awkward way of showing it. Like swearing profusely as a greeting, stuff like that. It sure makes every day interesting.

Also in in the past week I've received two Elftown relations! Weee! It's a nice feeling to be reassured that you do exist as a person, even in a huge online community like this. I suppose that's a somewhat saddening way to look about it.

Well, it's been rather cold these days. I believe Missouri had an ice storm of sorts, or something of that nature, not too long ago. Just today I was wandering aimlessly around the house and glanced out the kitchen window to see a glittering landscape. There's a winter-induced barren field past the backyard that is the view from the kitchen window. With the coldness outside, little droplets of rain froze on everything; the grass, skeleton of trees, a concrete birdbath--just essentially everything within view, covered in beads of ice or decorated by strings of icicles. The sun's fading rays continue to dance lightly over the ice, creating and preserving such an illuminating scenery. It's absolutely gorgeous. Bleak and hauntingly beautiful.

Moments like these that I wish I had a camera on hand but, I know, the picture will remain frozen in memory, much like it is frozen on the earth and holding onto its eerie charm. Beautiful, and everlasting.

Christmas went surprisingly well. I got a few things that I've wanted for some time now, like a leprechaun book, so I've been thoroughly pleased with that. I also got to spend time with my oldest sister and she gave me a neat marker kit that makes such a huge mess. (But I've never known an artist who didn't make a mess!)

This holiday has been kind of lonely though, with only family to spend it with. I had an online friend for a few weeks that was just an amazing guy to chat with, but tonight he decided to end the friendship. That has me bummed out, just a tad. And I lost my only friend in town earlier last month. It's been a very lonely time of the year for me. Hopefully things will brighten up for the new year.

Heya everyone. I haven't stopped by Elfwood or Elftown in ages! I'm just making a quick stop in tonight and hopefully I'll make a few more visits before the end of the year is over.

Not much has been going on for me in the past few months. Life is a little hectic.. and I haven't been drawing much at all. I still owe plenty of people drawings though! It motivates me unlike any other so I'm forever thankful for all the great people and artists I've met on these websites.

My biggest problem right now is that I don't have access to a scanner anymore. That kind of put a huge hold on a lot of drawings I wanted to place up in my gallery. I can't say when I'll get a scanner, or hopefully a new computer, but I can only wait and draw excessively until then.

In other news, I've been reading more lately and I've watched a few good inspirational movies. I've met some incredibly radiant people as well and so things are looking much more brighter than they used to. I'm glad to be surrounded by such positive influences, even though I've always aspired to be a dark artist. But, as I say, any influence is good influence.

Hope to get back into gear with checking the art forums here and seeing how I can help others out. Hope I find a resolution to the lacking scanner problem as well. Until then, an early Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. ;)