Fred was right. And although this is something we could overcome, I don't feel I'd want to. After looking over my past diary entries, and giving things some thought, I am more certain that this is the correct course. I may have a dead end job, but at least I'm doing something. I may not have much, but at least I am moving forward. At first, I was upset at losing my best friend, but now I realize it doesn't matter. This is for the best. I cannot help her, but it is disappointing to have wasted so many years. However at this point, when thing are so different and I have no idea what is true, I feel relieved. Released from the drama. Free from the unrelaible. Distanced from the slothful, and dishonest people that infiltrated my life. I've often said that the only constant in life is change. Change has indeed come. But I do not despair. I embrace it. I am greatful. I have realized I still have many friends and loved ones who care for me. I rediscovered a life free of addiction.

I'm trying to be excited about my big day...but turning 21 seems so empty when some important people are missing.. Even today, I think of and miss them.

There is something seriously wrong with me,. I think i'm losing it sometimes. When I'm alone... i have these breakdowns sometimes. I started crying the other day and i'm not even sure why...today for some reason imy mind was on the pst...nonthing had to do with rob like it once did, it was all the other things. It's so strange.

And i cant shake the feeling that we're going to be parting ways soon, it's been this looming forboding thoght in the back of my mind. idk there are so many things i want to talk to you about, but i can never get you alone.

I have been so lost, trapped within the walls of my mind.
But I will overcome the insanity, the upset.
I can see light just over the horizon.
It's time to set aside self pity and loathing.
And time to start a new.

To revisit myself, who I was, who I am.
And become who I know I can. To strive for great things
Happiness is within my grasp, I need only reach out and take it.