I begin to notice more and more that I prefer my dreams to reality. I often wondered why I didnt have nightmares. I believe its because I am living in the nightmare. I constantly struggle to maintain a contentment, but I am never truly happy. I've begun to hate seeing happy people. They seem to glide though life effortlessly with almost no struggle. I on the other hand feel like I am in a pit trying to claw my way back to the top. For example The only person I have truly love, my ex wife, seems to be having an amazing life and that would only be possible for her if my life hadnt of crashed and burned. The odd thing is that she is always in my dreams in one way or another. I can admit I miss her, and that I want my family back. Although I am sure that will never happen..So I just go day by day surviving this nightmare. Maybe I will wake up one day, Until then I feel like I am turning into the grinch.

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=46893914

im so miserable, life is shit for me and nothing is ever going to go right, i try and try, but never succedd, i would kill myself but i dont have the guts to, amnesia would be fucking great, so i could forget who i was and this pathetic life and completely start over, i discoverd today i have dual citizenship, i am an american and german citizen so if i wanted to i could move to germany with no problems and forget this world, go somewhere were no one knew me, where my ex couldnt stalk me and where my life couldnt find me. i probably wouldnt do it...but its a pleasent thought.

lmao... your fucking fault..and its never happening again..

seriously stop haunting me

Goodbye...everyone.........................................

soo, she fucked up my life yet again,,.. what else is new? thats all the bitch is good for, fucking up lifes.

had another erotic dream about her, felt real this time

ive been down on my luck lately, cant find a job, only have 40 dollars and cant find a place to get any more money, even the plasma centers wont let me donate, bc of my tatoo, which is bull shit, ive been taken my frustrations out on one specific person and she knows who she is and im sorry for the txt and everything i said in it, i know you will probably read this, its just that ive applied at so many places only to get denied bc of that one mistake a long time ago. it just aggrivates me sometimes, truth is sometimes i miss you, and with the way my life has been lately i seem to take it out on you, and im sorry. back to my job searches

if you are reading this you chose to. you chose the path in your life and you chose who you wanted in it and who you forced out of it, you are responsible for the misery in your life now, no one but you...

Cecy called me a bitch in her diary so im calling her a bitch in this one...Cecy is a bitch

I wish i had some freaking friends to hang out with, but im not allowed to have any, just my wife. i wish i had a job to, so i could make some money and go have fun.

im falling in love with my wife all over again! i have made alot of stupid decisions in my life but im not going to lose my wife and my son. The last few days have been great, Cecy and i are working things out and we have some really good ideas to better our relationship. i really hope we can be happy again... like we used to be...thats what i want..its what i dream....there is no one in the worl like Cecy, and ive taken that for granted, i wont do that again, I love her, and i married her for a reason, we are meant to be together...and we will be together..forever


I love you Cecy.

Hey if you guys want to work as a ChaCha Guide let me know, what a chacha guide does is the same thing as google, except its a live search engine, meaning someone (you) will searching for results for the customer, it starts out at around 5 and goes up to 20 dollars an hour, there are no set hours and you can work as much or as little as you want, let me know if your interested

people from Norway are fun to talk to

Cecy is in labor if you want to know how she is doing add me to yahoo

Nevinz111

at work..bored....bout to get off lunch break....trying to get car loan or financing.....

Thank you for those who came to the wedding party:
Lori and her mom
Jen
Eric
Kristin and Amanda
Craig
Angela for stopping by to congratulate us

the mexican families that were there with us who DIDNT know us at all, thank you for your support

and thanks to matt.. the only one thats not in our family who showed up at the actual ceremony unexpectedly

BIG THANKS TO THE 7 OUT OF 60 INVITED FRIENDS WHO CAME FOR CECY AND I

this is the only wedding Cecy and I have together so thank you so much for making it a special evening for us both!

-Our Wedding-
We are finally getting married!!!
I will make a list of who is invited, because everybody wants to know who is going be there... if your name is not in the list and you wish to come, please tell me, or Chris, so we can add it, We haven't asked everybody in the list if they are able to come, so don't feel obligated to come. Anyone who talks to us is invited. And you can bring someone too... and if you do tell us, anyone from your family is invited too. oh and try to dress black.


If anyone is interested to come to the court house to watch, let us know and we will give the info.


-Address and time for After party-
August 3rd
2112 Windsor ave.
After 6:00pm


If your able to come, please let us know as soon as possible, if able please try and contribute something to the afterparty, we are not rich so we cant feed everyone so if you can bring food, music, movies, games, drinks, anything of the sort please feel free to let us know....please NO ALCOHOL OR DRUGS...
remember....gifts!..no pressure....but seriously...i want gifts..thats me...chris...need gifts!...but you dont have to....but you should!...but you dont have to...; )


if you need directions or any info contact me or chris[Nevinz] 254-230-8066


Mayra G.
Bri    
Bush
Trent
Andre
Mary
Ashlee  
Sarah
Rachael P. 
Tracee
Jimmy
David F. 
Chris S.
Steven  
Aubrey
Erica  
Casey
Angelo  
Alisha
Zoe
Dylan  
Tiffany V.
Eli   
Julie T.
Frank  
Jackline
Jin   
Jacob
Lore  
Blake
Nick P.  
Augustine
Dotti  
Heather
Raul  
Ivonne
Sean E.  
Kyndall
Stephen
R.J.  
Roxie
Lisa  
Julian
Scott  
Jp
Kara
Audrey  
Amanda
Michael 
Craig
Naomi  
Angie
Kristen 
Whitney
Angela  
Shannon
Lauren  
Emily
Maryellen 
Stormy


ps. no messages saying that you aren't comming because some other person is comming too, make a better excuse.

Its a boy!! go to this link http://s18.photobucket.com/albums/b117/nevinz/?action=view&current=thebabywmv.flv to see the ultrasound of our baby boy!

Today i took off work to accompany my love to the hospital for a checkup, when we were in the doctors office, the doctor decided to try and find the baby's heart beat, when he found it, Cecy and i almost cried...it was a very very strong heart beat, the heart beat sounded kind of like when you put water in your mouth and shake your head.something like that, but it was awesome..i cant wait until i see the ultrasound on monday