(haha this sucls , looking back at this stuff. i would delete it , but then it would disapere , and in a few more years ill like to look back again i think)

i have a song, and if you like it pleaz tell me ... plz ?
and ya ya i know its emo


There is more then two sides to every story but they hardly ever get looked at, and they try to tell use its black and white but its just a rainbow of different shades of gray because nothing s pure nothing is just losing you has taught me this


there was just cause but tainted it became when the first baby’s breath turns to a old woman’s sigh, and the rose, how it withers, and oh how it dies, losing you has taught me this, but only this.



and I shale wait for you and if needed bleed for you, because I can not bear to think you shale be gone for ever, but in the back of my mind I know it is true, I know that your gone, and I know its not fare and I know its not just but losing you has taught me so much.

well god dam it ive been grouned for almost a week now, this is the first time ive been online sence trusday, in this very lony time i thought of some thing, well i lied ive allways, no thats not true ether, hmmm, well how to discrbe it, i started to think this when i was about 10. i would gest start to talk to my self and tell myself things that i dont know if there gest a part of my imagination or, well i geus sence i thought of it it is but, i wonder if it could be true... whate i never said what it was i was thinking, oh well i gest it would make sence if you knew, but then, if you did know it would prov me worng then i wouldnt have to wonder eny more... but then it could gest be my imageination tellong me that you know, fabrickcateing some seen where you would tell me youve read this and it couldnt posibly be true... you could argue it eny way, i realy dont whant to think it, but its one of those things that you gest have to wonder about. well its only far i tell you now that youve at least read this far, if eny one reads this, i cant help but wonder if you do, no one has ever said to me , i read what you rote on elftown/myspace and i ... well on myspace i get people that say " hay i know you your incubus off af myspace right? i love your page" but they never say eny thing a bout what i right... are people that lazy, or do they think, wekll if i reply to that they'll think im a crazy staker person... and if where that parinod, what busness do you have on a computer? realy, its so strange to me, or maybe, your realy not there, and you dont right cause i know you whont right backeny way... its so easy to think your the only thing thats real, and you know that you are real, because you can fell the pain of life, you can fell, hate , love, but then you have to qustion if what you fell is real... if the ones that you think ... know , are not realy there. its gest to deprsing..... i think when people voise this, they dont whant to belive this, but yet they do, because right now im cought on the boared of my last strain of sanity, and the pit of hell is looking rather good about now. what im doing here i dont know why im righting this because if i truily belived this , i whouldnt bother, no what i think im doing is trying to prove myself wrong, im trying not to give up , yet the pit of hell, insaity , is calling my name and the brezs is in gest the right place to ceep me from falling, but what will happin when this brezs dies? whont some one help me, realy im asking for it , thats all i whant, is to be proven wrong.

ill ceep this here only because i dont have a hard coppie of it eny more... but right now i realy hate this

this sort of gest poped into my head last night , so i thought i'd right it in here so i'd have two coppies of it. enjoy^-^

Her voise is like a siren's call
Drawing me to my demise.
I whach and whate for her,
But still...
The vosie in the back of my head
Says I cant have her.
And yet,
Another whants me to call out to her!
To take her a way from her pain,
And her fears. And to teach her
The darkness is nothing to fear
But her light blinds me,
It pushes me back...
What should I do?
What can I do?
God I love her.

to day something realy quite sad happened i dont no y cause be for i was quite happy... well i was rideing the bus home when i gest looked out the window... tree by tree. person by person, gest flew by .... i thought for a secnod, if this is all there was to life, the glass and pasing life, where would i get off... would i ever get off, would i get guets sit there and whate to die? would that be all i could do? well then i thought , as the bus slowed to a stop to let some people off,  how brave the people be to leve the bus, with the simle spred acrose there face, when i got off where would i go ... would i be gest as happy to be rid the thing that i could simply sit and look at time, life and hope pass me by? but if i satyed on the bus ... would i whant eny one to find me?

ok because i can not figer out how to put poem on this web site i will let you all wonderful people that read the "diarys" see my wonderful poem that i wrote .. a long time a go.



   the 12:00 murder
Gest as the time appered
loney and sad ,
the chelow pould at the hart strings,
but for them,
they knew not
a site, a sound,
of the host,
dead in his room.

Was it foul play
meny thought so,
for after the party,
one was not there.

For alone and scared
he wated.
Dead still in the closet,
for a sine for a hope
      of redemption.

the piont of a diary is so you your self can right things down    and reflect on them latter by your self is it not? well then this here would not be a diary but a jurnal. but i must say what i have read in some of these "diarys" has been must deprsing, and in its self... confuseing. then again that is the mind no? what is the sadest is to read one of these "diarys" and realize you know the person and there talking about you.... i realy thought she didnt hate me that much :) but still i must have earned it. so i aplod the harsh wrods and wishess of this person. lol now alow me to rant for a while. may i ask y in hells name would we help some other contry and not our own? you sould all no what im talking a bout but eny way. what is the logic of this? In My Own, i Belive that if posible (in eny way) couldnt we have done some thing sooner? well well i think we hered enough of that for right now.... but then again i have a sort atntion span so that could be y. and in trun im stubern so if you what to argue with me i will say this once and in cap. lock so if for once some one reads what i have to say they can get it trough there heads. I AM RIGHT GET OVER IT. Rule #1 for talking to tiffany, i am almost all ways right. but then again this is the same way of thinking that got alot of people killed isnt it? so im boared of righting now so i bid you all Far well. ecxp if your the girl that dosent like me vary much and i say to you " get over it hore" and if you r that girl you SHOULD know why i say that. byby! :-)

they say that the draiy is sad and empty but look at it closer . there is no limit to what it could tell us. every blank page says jeust what it whants to, not what we make it .