I have been gone for so long and the friends that I once had on here either do not remember me, or wish to have nothing to do with me because I have been gone for so long, and it come to mind that I am living in a world that is so cold and filled will grudges, which this is something I should have seen coming. I've lost my password and in doing so lost all friends and the girl that I loved, even though I Kept Andra's picture with me at all times, I do not think that is going to matter after all this time. I went as far as going and looking for her but with out a number or address it makes things all the more harder, I did what I could hoping to find her, but my efforts were in vain.
After failing to find her I held on to hope, the hope that she would one day send a letter letting me know where she was, but it never came. I moved to wellets California and try do start a life our there bur every thing I come home and walked through the door I always imagined seeing her walk through the living room. Over time I started losing my sanity, and started hearing her voice behind me at work, it got so bad that I lost my job, my car, and almost my house, I could not take it anymore so I started cage fighting, and when you are at the point of being insane cage fighting come natural and I did very well and even got to spare with Chuck La dell him self (which I never want to do again... ever!) Over time I started to gain my sanity back, and start to talk to people again, then one day I and Anna who was a very sweet girl who loved to talk about everything and nothing at all. We became so close that it was like having a little sister to look after and care for. We would take walks on the beach late at night and talk about our day and how work when. We would stay out till the sun came up, then we would head our own ways till the next evening. Over a number of months we started hanging out to the point to where her friends thought we were dating, and started telling us to just move in together and we told them that our relationship was that of brother and sisterly love, but they would just laugh and make jokes, and when they did I would just push it aside and just let it go in one ear and out the other. Over the next few months she decided to ask me if I would stop fighting and find a job that did not involve me getting hurt so much, I could never say no to her so with in a week I told my manager that I was going to quite, and move on to some thing more convenient, lets just say that did not go well with him and he saw to it the my last week and made a living hell, by the end of the week when I left I suffered two broken ribs and cracked femur, but I did not want to just lay down and wuss out, so I showed him that I was not some push over by making sure I won every fight he put me in and left with a pocket full of cash and my head hailed high. Two weeks after that Anna asked me if she could move in with me because her dad started beating her when he got drunk, hearing this only made me want go and beat on him to see how he liked it, but Anna ask that I do no such thing, so I did as she asked. With in the first month of her moving in I had found a job working at a nightclub as a bodyguard for the dancers and I took it very seriously, the pay was good and with in two week of working at Angels Haven the problem with the dancers being harassed on their way to their car drop greatly, even though it took twelve people getting their asses kick, and a frat boy being thrown in to the back of him own truck by Bear, who was a BIG black dude that worked with me, I thought it was funny. Things was going well for a while after that I would come home to see Anna cooking dinner, and after eating I would teach her how to defend her self from all forms of attackers. One day when we did not have work she took me to my very first larp, at first I did not know what to think about after a few hours I was wielding a Sword and shield as if I was born with them in hand. We would go every chance we could, and I loved it. She said she loved the life we were living and said that she never wanted to leave my side, that things were perfect, but she would never see me sitting on the second floor balcony late at night with Andra's picture with tears streaming down my cheeks. If only she knew that I knew she wanted our relation to be more then just friends, I could never do so because I promised my heart to someone already and I could never change that, until I was released from my promise. We stayed friends even after she tried to kiss me, I told her that I could not, and when she asked me why, I could not answer the only thing I could say was sorry. She shrugged it off as if it never happened and things went on as normal. We stayed close and always went out walking talking about what we were going to do in the ways of college, and what we would take when we got accepted, she laughed when I said I wanted to be a artiest, and said that I did have a good steady hand for art but that I would be better as a self defense instructor. When she told me that she wanted to be a cook at a fancy restaurant I popped of "what to you can make every one eat you bad cooking" (to be honest I was exception her to get mad and slap me) but instead she looked at me and just said "Ok that just means oat meal for you when we get home", we both paused and then just started laughing. Days went by and we would give each other a hard time about anything and every thing that came up in conversation. Things were going great, I had a very dear friend that I would fight for and die for if it ever came down to it. I never thought thing would come falling down around me, like they did. I was at work one night helping close up and making sure every one make it to their cars safely, I was on my way back inside when Bear came out and said that I had a phone call and that it sounded like an emergency. I ran inside and grabbed the phone just the hear the sound of Abby (Anna's girlfriend) crying hysterically on the other end of the phone and when I managed to get her claim down enough to make out what she was trying to saying the phone fell from my hand, and I fell to my knees as tear wiled up in my eye's, I did not want to believe my ears, I told myself over and over again that it was just a sick joke she was playing, but I knew better then that. When Bear walked in and ask me what as going on the only thing that came out of my mouth was "she...she been shot". Knowing who I was talking about Bear picked me up off the floor and rushed me out to his trucked and threw me in and jump in the driver side and hit the gas, and he did not spear the gas. Some where between Angels Haven and the hospital I lost my self in a realm of darkness and pure rage, madness set in and when we stop in front of the hospital I slung open his door and put a huge dent in the car next to up and the own was standing at the front door and started yelling and I could not stop my self running up to the door I hit him with all the strength and anger I had, I felt his jaw give way under my fist and the doors did not have time to fully open when I went through them, and I did not give a damn. I rushed up to Abby as soon as I saw her and ordered to know what room Anna was in, and when she told me I did not waste time getting to her side, when I got to her room the cops that were standing out side told me that I could not enter, I showed them that they were not keeping me from her side, after throwing them into a wall I turned and ran to her side. Seeing her in the shape she was in I fell to my knees beside her bed, tears filled my eye's I reached up and gently took her hand and told her I was there and that every thing was going to be ok, she just tightened her grip on my hand and said she was sorry, I told her it was not her fault that it was mine for not being with her, I did not even have to be at work that night and that I should have when with her instead of going to work. She tightened she grip and with her last breath she said these work "Jake...I...love" she never finished what she was going to say, even though she did not have to. I felt heart shatter into. To have a friend die in your hands is something that I do not wish up on my most worst enemy. when the doctors came in Bear had to drag me away for Anna's side with me thrashing about it did not make thing easy. I could not bare the pain of the lose and I went insane and was forced to go home by Bear. Abby and Bear stayed with me all that night I could not sleep because I was mad not only at the fact that Anna had been shot, but because I was not with her, I kept telling my self that it was my fault, that I was to blame. Bear kept telling me that it was not my doing that I did not pull the trigger, and I could not have known what was going to happen. With tears still in her eye's Abby just looked at me and walk over to me and took and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to push her away, but I knew that I was not the only one suffering from this loss, I could feel her pain, the hurt that filled her chest, the sorrow that filled us all. Bear stayed the rest of the evening with Abby and my self. Abby fell asleep in my arms and I spaced out so bad that I could see face of the person that pulled the trigger, and I started seeing different scenarios of me killing him in every pain full way known to man, and in ways no one has ever thought of. When I came to, Bear and Abby were on the other side of the room looking at me as though I was insane, crazy. Bear told me that I looked as if I was drunk with madness, maybe he was right, I felt I could punch a hole through some one. I stood up and went to the kitchen just to be stopped by Bear telling me to go set back down and to stay away from anything sharp. I turned and looked at Abby and she had a letter in her hand and she started crying again. I walked over and said that I know it hurts but we could not bring her back even if we wanted to, she just turned and handed me the letter and wrapped her arms around me and started crying again, I looked at the letter and started crying just as hard. The letter was Anna's acceptance letter into college. Abby and I fell to the floor crying, we lost a friend, and a baby sister just by one squeeze of a trigger. Weeks after everything when to hell, Abby never talked to any one again, Bear lost his job, I did not ever bother trying to get every thing ready for college, I just packed up and moved back to Oklahoma. There are time when I am at amtguard I see Anna on the battle field all in garb with her shield and sword with a smile, and every time I do tears fall not out of sadness but pure rage, hatred, and anger, but before I swing my sword out of anger I hear the words Anna once told me a long time ago "Fill not you heart with hate for it will consume you, and in the end it will destroy you and all that you stand for."


My heart died with a girl with soft blue eye's and a gentle heart to match her love for life.
Anna Dawn Sam's
Born March 2, 1990 in Akron Ohio
Died July 3, 2008 in Wellets California
At the young Age of 18.
Her last words were inscribed on her head stone "Jake...I...love"

No one should die at a young age!