Dear Diary,
Today was good. Mother tried to poison me...again *giggles*. Goodness, when will her lil jokes end. I just kept vomitting all over the place and laughing. Me mum is the greatest prankster! The joke wasn't as funny anymore after she rubbed my face in my own vomit. I think she might have broken my nose. But I forgive her. It was all fun in games! Love you mummy!

Dear Diary,
I got an 89% on a hard Econ. test. When I showed me mum my good grade, she spat on it and hit me across the face his a measuring cup {she had been baking}. I have a huge welt on my face, but the cookies me mum baked were delicious! I love her! Wouldn't you just kill for a mother like mine?!

Dear Diary, I piddled me pants today. mother hit me for making such a big mess! i think i'm gonna take my life now! i don't wanna piddle anymore!!!!