Last night was a really bad night for me. I had a relapse of depression. I just started crying and crying. I felt so loney. I need someone to save me right now. I thought it would be Nick, but after hanging out for a couple days, I realize he isn't the same person he was. He used to be such a positive person to be around. He used to be without drugs and all about poetry and music. Now, he is back into drugs. I can't be around him. He doesn't even want me anymore. I think the only reason why he wanted me back then was because he needed someone to be addicted to to replace his addiction, and I sounded like a good idea. But now, I need help, and I have no one to save me. The truth is I'm falling apart inside. I want to be strong and pretend like I'm fine without Brennen, but I don't think that anyone will ever understand how much he meant to me. I'm missing a huge part of my life and I want to replace it, but nothing is good enough. So, I just keep on truckin, hoping that I can hold in the tears and pretend like I'm okay so that no one will attack me for being sad. I miss Andrea, I miss Crystal, I miss Brennen. God I miss Brennen.

Do you ever have one of those days where you just feel completely...wierd? Today, I feel confused. Like I don't know where my life is going to take me or who I will be with. I don't like this feeling. I don't like feeling like there is no one to look foward to. It's hard to explain what it feels like, unless you've experienced it. But, I'm happy...I'm just kind of...lost.