Man, I really hate this. I was all happy today, until now. I feel a real negative aura about me here. I just feel pressured. Write me if ya wanna noe about it.
You know, I really HATE people that say that they will stay your friends no matter what and then you tell them something about yourself that might not be something they want to hear and they are totally not your friends anymore. It's really pathetic. I'm pretty sure that I am gonna catch shit for this but oh well. This is what I'm observing. I was best friends with someone for almost ten years and, over the years, we would have things that would piss eachother off but never say anything, well pinned up anger set it all off and we had a major fallin out recently. Well, we tried to work it out and supposedly we are still friends. But, I usually talk to her all the time on the phone and I called her Saturday for the first time in a while and told her about my birthday (write me if u want to hear about my dream come true birthday experience :P) and she acted like she didn't even care. I think that was the real moment that I realized that nothing will ever be the same between us again. And, at the end of the short call, she thanked me for calling her. WTF?!? I didn't call asking for services, I wasn't tryin to get anything off my chest, I wasn't tellin you anything that you could really benefit from, so why the hell would you thank me for callin you? I think I was majorly thrown off when she said that so I was kinda like, um yea ok. But after the phone call, I broke down and cried, for the first time in a while about this. (YES I CRIED ABOUT IT SO THERE!) I think maybe I cried because I don't really think that she was believing me, what I was telling her, kind of like I was lying to her or something. And part of me was crying becasue the things that happened DON'T seem like they could happen to someone. But they did, and I feel that it was so sureal that I don't even believe that they happened to me. I mean, my birthday present was a dream come true. The only other way it could've been better is if I got invited on the bus. (yet again, write me if ya wanna noe what my birthday present was) I don't know. I think that I really need to get that off of my chest, and if the girl that I'm talkin about reads this, yea u know who u r, now you know. And honestly, I really don't think that we are even friends anymore. You sure shut me out a hell of a lot when we go to talk about something. And I know I prolly shut you out too because, quite honestly, I really don't want to hear about church, and religion, and shit like that. Sorry. And you always say, "well you have to fully dedicate yourself to it, you can't just do little things" and well, I have tried many times to devote myself back to God and every damn time I try to, something always goes wrong in my life. I just don't see how to believe in something that is supposed to be so good and helpful, when everytime I try to assosicate myself with it, something goes wrong in my life. It doesn't make sense. And I'm not gonna go out of my way to try to believe in something that, honestly, I feel is a crock of shit. I don't know, i just relaly want to cry right now but I'm not going to. It's not worth it. Nothing's worth it anymore. I just really wish I had someone in my life that really gives a damn if I wake up in the morning.
http://www.fon
awesome evanescence backgrounds!
Im sittin here bored as hell at school. It took this stupid computer about 10 minutes to load windows! and they say were moving up in technology. whatever. but i wrote a song today in History class about my best friend's brother that was killed in a car accident. well its not totally for him but it can relate to people that have lost something. its a slow song and most would prolly consider it 'pop' but oh well. Im gonna go surf the net and see what i can get into thats not block by the school (which isnt much) Peace, and if anyone wants to talk, write me.
Im here at school right now listenin to an interview of Benji Madden, my husband, lol I wish. But anyways. Im really bored here. Im really upset right now because I found out some very bad news about a very very close friend. If y'all want to know about it, write me.