I feel kind of lost right now, for some odd reason I can't seem to smile and just can't really feel anything. I don't understand any cause I was happy just a while ago and now I just seem to be in a dead kind of state.

I look to you and see...

 Deep into your eyes, and the pain you carry.

 The path you've walked and are going to walk.
 
  Your smile that lights up my life.

  That warm embrace, that protects anyone that's ever been in it.

  I see a great future story to be told, one that will surprise even the biggest doubters and thrill the most that love you as you are.

So once again I've had a miserable nights to end all nights. Find out the chick I dated for 2 years was having match maker dates set up by her sperm donor that had been out of her life for 21 years. Also that by my mothers logic, she is all knowing and all accurate, yet the concept of logic alone does not exist by the mere fact that she kept wanting me to tell her what I would do for money and how would I get back from New York assuming that I'd get into a fight with the people I'd be going to stay. As anyone that knows us three it is a proven fact that we will have plenty of fights, tis the human nature to fight those that they are encamped with for so long due to mass hysteria. Just of course to her brain waves as for she has no set logic that anyone that fights can never sit down and talk about it after they cool off solely based on a bad marriage, and the fact that she is dating a walrus without a brain. So alas it is 4:45 in the morning, I've had absolutely no sleep, sore from head to toe thanks to a puking and convulsive fit. Oh! Also when confronted about what I would do here, she mentioned of using the same temp. service that her walrus uses. I have shit for reference for only being 22 and never allowed to work because I got stuck as a baby-sitter every time someone had to run out but by her logic I will become Donald Trump in less then a week, well hot damn I am truly lucky then. So I am going to go take a royal piss and enjoy my misery so good night folks!

This message is brought to you by a severely depressed, hormonally fucked up shattered shell of a guy ENJOY

The War
Angels Airwaves

The ocean, is on fire
The sky turned dark again
As the boats came in
And the beaches
Stretched out with soldiers
With their arms and guns
It has just begun

Believe, you want this
Believe, I want this too

Why wont you tell me that
It's almost over
Why must this?
Tear my head
Inside out

And the houses
Laid out like targets
With the deafening sound
We watched them all go down
And the families
Now useless bodies
They lay still black and blue
A gift from us to you

Believe, you want this
Believe, Do I want this too

Why wont you tell me that
It's almost over
Why must this?
Tear my head
Inside out

Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh (Believe)
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh (Believe, you want this too)
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

Why wont you tell me that
It's almost over
Why must this?
Tear my head
Inside out

Why wont you tell me that
It's almost over
Why must this?
Tear my head
Inside out

Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh oh oh, oh oh

Damn Regret
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

The moon is shining bright
The mood is feeling right
I'll kiss you on your neck
People will stare but we won't care

We're high above the ground
We're nowhere to be found
Empowered by adrenaline
Feel I've been born again

Again, I am repeating myself
And I know it is kind for you
To sit and pretend

[Chorus:]
Damn regret, I'll try to forget
Don't worry about me 'cause I'm refined
Cast my line to see what's behind
Did you think you'd persuade me to let you go?

I'm wishing you were here
My weakness is my fear
Alone I am myself
No reason left for me to care

[Damn Regret Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]
Distracted by the sound
I hear footsteps all around
Empowered by adrenaline
Feel I've been born again

Again, I am repeating myself
And I know it is kind for you
To sit and pretend

[chorus]

You're the only one I turn to
When I feel like no one's there
And when I'm lonely in my darkest hour
You give me the power
To sit and pretend

[chorus]

Did you think I'd forget?
Did you think I'd surrender myself to persuade you to let me go?
Did you think I'd forget?
Did you think I'd surrender myself to persuade you to let me go?

False Pretense
The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Oh, it's time to let it go

The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you
When a friend tries to stab you right in the face
Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew
Don't sweat it, {it was} set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
And it doesn't seem likely to fade
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll hurt again
Stop pretending to deny
False pretense you'll hurt again

All along you know you thought you got the best of me
{But} you were wrong and I'm laughing right in your face
I cannot believe you claimed you were my family
Don't sweat it - it's set on false pretense

Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
And it doesn't seem likely to fade
Betrayed but not gonna be willing to change
[False Pretense Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com]
Cu-cu-cu-cuz you know...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll hurt again
Stop pretending to deny
False pretense you'll hurt again

Oh, it's time to let it go

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold
You tried but were caught red handed, are you happy with your role?
It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke...

It's sacrifice
False pretense you'll hurt again
Stop pretending to deny
False pretense you'll hurt again

So play the game until you run out
And play the game into my hand

I'm nothing more then a plague, nothin' but a cancer that makes everyone sick, and changes the way they are be it for the good or bad

"The River"
As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
to know that beautiful things
don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
to know this beautiful place
isn't everything they say
I heard that evil comes disguised
Like the city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

[M.Shadows:]
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
on the boulevard

The dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know

They say that evil comes disguised
Like the city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered!

For a certain someone, They know who they are and what the meaning of this song is

aww sleep. the beautiful, the essetial need to lay down upon a mattress preferable next to the one we love just have that a moment of lust at the ability to look deep into the one you love's eyes and to be able to see into their soul and their mind for that moment. To feel like you are finally one with someone in more then just body and feel but as well as in mind and soul. I do so miss being able to fall asleep next to someone even as a friend.

This story is based on a bit of fact and a nice illusionary conversation between a guy and his daughter or cat what ever you prefer to call his version of a daughter. It starts out more on the weekend side of things at first. So lets go back as to how he for saw things unfolding. The weekend was like a normal one for the most part: A long boring Friday evening spent with his back to the world and his eye closed to his fantasy. Now this fantasy of his is relatively simple to understand a simple but in his eyes perfect family and future which is a rare thing in itself for a person to wish for something perfect and yet not believe in it, So he gets a visit from someone who he trust more then his own family, hell she is his family in the eyes of this guy. She asked him if he would like to come help her move out of what could only be described as a step away from hell and about a half a step away from being considered slave hood which he graciously accepted to no second guessing. He left his version of home sweet hell but not without the scars of two more cuts to his body to help her move into a great idea. So he ends up spending the night at this person's new home and a night by her side again for old times. He laid there next to her contemplating only one solo thought to himself. What if this could be part of his perfect future. Could she possibly be the very fabric of space and time that holds him together anymore? The morning arrived with great interest as he got to spend it waking up to see her laying next to him in her utter beauty as the light shined through the blanket over the window. A mutual friend of the two was called to see if she wanted to hang out and what not. They walked to his home to gather a few things that needed to be used in the near future then they proceeded back to her new place as they sat around and joked like a family would do in a certain case or so. He stayed well into the night and as good-byes were said his heart did dread the idea of being gone from her a night as beautiful as that one was.
Next the day of Monday came which went well over, He had an idea of spending it with her but that idea was set aside at the rememberance of her having to baby-sit that night and him going off to his class to hopefully have a job to support this futuristic idea. He sat in class working on the subject that a year earlier he could barely do but after a few days of spending with this girl earlier in the year he some how became great at this subject.
Tuesday came and it was a good but odd travelings through his mind. He was unaware of not having class but still he conversed with this girl as she waited to be lifted by this creature she bestows unfortionately as a mother. Something changed that night and he did not for see the outcome let alone the change that did happen. He has destroyed as he was accused of telling his girl's mother of her being supposedly pregnant. It destroyed his whole mind to think that she would think he could betray her like this when she knew that he would and could not speak with her mother about anything for the many years that they have been close. So to bed he went with eyes that were red from losing the tears that he once was able to hold onto as if his entire life depended on it.
The most disaster day of this latest dreams were shattered upon that following day of Wednesday. He not only felt like he was used and destroyed by the previous night but to his discovery found out that this girl had betrayed him by sending a boy toy of hers from Texas to attack him. To try and cause even more damage to his state of mind. The soul mate of his dreams, the person he would kill and be killed for him had betrayed his trust and ran off to tell him of the conversation that they had the other night.
Many will sit and ponder as to what this has to do with a conversation with his daughter. Some may just ignore it as a rant of some insane bloke but those people never were true to him as they like to propose to time and again then. This guy sat on the couch with his daughter and he looked to her and told her that he would rather be like a cat and have no worried to the world then actually give a care towards everyone he was close to. This struck me as a deep blow because this guy has set his whole life and soul into helping others, To care for those that no one else would! His cat or daughter sat there and swished her tail twice and walked off but not before she looked up at him and commented as to the fact that no matter how many pints of blood you bleed for someone. It does them no good if you are going to bleed yourself to death without thinking that maybe just maybe that you don't need to bleed for them but instead that maybe some day you'll find someone to bleed a little bit for you just to keep you alive.

SINCE I WAS A CHILD
I'VE SEEN HER IN A DREAM
A CAPTURED FAIRY TALE
THAT ECHOES CROSS MY LIFE

AND THOUGH I'VE COURTED HER
SHE'S ALWAYS STAYED UNSEEN
NOW ALL AT ONCE SHE
GLITTERS IN THE NIGHT

BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY
AND THAT ALL WAS BEFORE
WHEN SHE WAS FAR AWAY
A SILHOUETTE OF DREAMS

BUT OTHERS WHISPERED
THAT SHE WAS SO MUCH MORE
AND SUDDENLY I NOW
KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN

DREAMS CHANGE
YEARS STRAIN
LOST ILLUSIONS
LAST STANDS
GOD'S HAND
ABSOLUTION
FOUND

FAIRY TALE SINS
VISIONS BY GRIMM
ALL FORGIVEN
LIVES SPENT IN VAIN
NEVER RECLAIMED
TAKE THEIR FINAL BOWS

PICTURES AND WORDS
VISIONS ABSURD
MADDENED POETS
ALL WITHIN SIGHT
FAILURES IN LIFE
WHO'LL NEVER KNOW IT
LAZARUS CRIES
THERE IN HIS EYES
HOPE HAS RISEN
DEPTH AND FACADE
ALL BEFORE ME NOW

Remember when we held on in the rain
The night we almost lost it
Once again we can take the night into tomorrow
Living on feelings
Touching you I feel it all again

Chorus:
Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didn't we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all

The way you used to touch me felt so fine
We kept our hearts together down the line
A moment in the soul can last forever
Comfort and keep us
Help me bring the feeling back again

Chorus

Didn't we have the beat of times
When love was young and new?
Couldn't we reach inside and find
The world of me and you?
We'll never lose it again
Cause once you know what love is
You never let it end

Chorus

Taking a break for the weekend, just need to be away from people and the b/s that follows them, If you want me you've got my cell number and if you don't then you've got to wait. See Ya

E.P.B.

America is calling, let's care enough to give our very best.
For if we give our very best,
I know that we will more than pass the test.
If I could have three wishes, I'd wish that you'd live free,
I'd wish for amber waves of grain from sea to shining sea.

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue.
It's Uncle Sam who's asking, so your mother will approve.
Tomorrow I'll be fighting, and I'll win this war for you.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

Bullets are exploding, they'll soon be at the door,
Give something to America you never gave before.
Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
If the President were standin' here, I'm sure he would approve.
I'll be a mighty soldier before this night is through.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

(Spoken)
Just think about it -- it would be like as if we were doing it for the Statue of Liberty, or the Grand Canyon, or the New York Yankees... it would be like as if we were doing it for... Disneyland!

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
It's not a lot to ask of us, our parents will approve.
Tomorrow I'll be fighting, and I'll win this war for you.
Let's do it for our country, (spoken) we owe it to our country.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Feeling like shit, In a majorly upset mood, and just out right don't feel like putting up with any kind of crap this week so if I'm not on as often don't get surprised because it'd be a waste of time....... so peace out and enjoy your stay at

I don't have the time nor patients to wait for hell to freeze over or for eternity to finally decide it wants to finally do me a favor. So enjoy what you have and embrace what you know because the pillow that everyone thinks they can use is gone because I'm tired of being the soft spot for everyone to freaking land their asses on and then just walk all over to go back into hell. It ends now.

"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"

Smeared black ink... your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening to last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's buried underneath
Where I am
Where I am

I'll wear my badge... a vinyl sticker with big block letters adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends I am a visitor here...
I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is
Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

D.C. sleeps alone tonight

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving