1 more day til 2009 lol

Do you ever feel yourself losing your very essence?
The core of you, the core of your foundation,
shaking, breaking through to mould another...
Fear of losing myself loses as the new emerges, yet without essence, without love, without empathy.

Today is my Grandmother's bday, she passed away just over a year ago. I spent my thoughts today on her & how much Mum still misses her. I can't even imagine how sad Mum must feel.

I lost a client yesterday, which isn't good cos I only have 2 lol. That's the bad news, but the good news is, as soon as the client is back from overseas he will be using me again & also the other client gave a review on my first employee and he was really impressed so he will be getting another person through me in about 2 weeks. YAY!

I spent tonight with Zac, the guy I have been seeing, we've been spending heaps of time together, we spent the whole weekend together, and I just think it's feeling more and more right. Tonight he told me that he wanted to have a relationship with me, i'm so glad he feels the same way, it's been so daunting... & even when he says sweet things I just doubt the sincerity.. I was honest with him tonight about those doubts, and he took it pretty well, i felt like a bitch because it's not like his given me any reason to feel that way. But now i've voiced it, I feel better that he knows where my head and heart is at. Anyway when I see him tomorrow i've gotta tell him whether I wanna move forward or not. Hmmmmmm such a hard decision!!LOL

Friday night... feeling a bit stoned! At my friends place, everyones watching a movie.. and i'm in a smashed internet mood hehe!!
It's been a looong week, and i'm glad it's over!!

Next week I start my database for staff files, setting this up will enable me to match staff to the right kind of jobs, I can't wait to watch it grow :-) I am so lucky to know so many people qualified in the industry i'm targeting to fill jobs.

Anyway, who cares? I'm being boring now.. & really should go back and socialize with the gang!!

Peace-OUT!

I awoke today preparing for my second day of having my business in operation. As of yesterday, I have my first employee... I love my business plan, moments r hectic, but it's all soooo worth it!!

Anyway, my friend Vicky called me today and told me some pretty bad news! Her brother David murdered his girlfriends mother...

I've known Vicky since we were 13, and her brother also went to school with us!! I spent about 2 hours in shock... And as the day passed and I spoke to Vicky more and more, the details were so spine tingling and icy cold..

The murder was planned. Last night he went to his parents house, to see his 2 kids that he and his girlfriend had together, his parents often look after the kids, anyway he cracked it pretty bad & told his parents he was going around to cristy's place to murder her and her mother, his parents kicked him out because he was being so irrational, but as he left he promised he was gonna go kill cristy and her mum.

Vicky's parent's freaked out and rang the police to tell them what David threatened to do. The police must have visited and all was ok.. but the next morning (this morning) He went around there, and stabbed cristy's mum right in front of cristy,not allowing her to stop him, she kept trying to get to her Mum but he held her back until there was no life left.. I don't know why he didn't kill cristy as thats what he said he'd do..

But he fled, and went to his bosses house and confessed.. his bosses girlfriend, talked him into turning himself in, he did not long after and has been in custody ever since.

I am still in shock, I am constantly reminded how you just can't be so assured about anyone, people change, people snap.. I wonder how long David thought about it before he did it? And I feel so sad for him, it must be hell to be him, to be so fucked up and be responsible for taking his children's grandmother away, and his gf's mother away.. and tearing his parents and sister's heart out.

I am sure I will find out soon why he did it, when Vicky went to see him at the police station today he said he remembers doing it but has no idea why!!

Things are going well with the guy i'm seeing, we have an amazing time together and time just flies.. it is starting to feel more right to consider a relationship.. & I am starting to think he isn't all that bad for me.. so what, his a bit of a bad boy... but his damn smart, and so fun to be around, plus he gets along with all of my friends lol.. which is important to me because my friends and i spend so much time together!!

My brain is starting to squeek! ZzzzzZzzzZZZZzzzzzzZ

Well it feels like forever since i've had a proper chance to kick back for a bit and put into writing what i've been doing...

I left my job, and was sick for a little while.. but now as I start to recover, my business plans are turning out beautifully, and hopefully by the end of the year or this time next year, all will be flowing well with my very own business!!!

I've been single again for a few weeks, I am kinda of seeing someone, but I just know already (and we've only been out four times) that he is no good for me!!!! He has such an edge and character, and what freaks me out is he's only 25 like me, It's so rare that i'd feel attracted to a man my age, it's a good feeling though!! I am also seeing someone else (both of these guys I am just dating) this other guy is a friend of a friend, and his just been trying to play games with me, so I told him to stop wasting my time, even though I did really like him, and now he is totally being fantastic, so love life is screwed, .... ****CoNfUsIoN****

I have been going through a phase lately where I keep bumping into people that I haven't seen in forever!!!

It's so amazing how much life changes, well I guess more so, how much people change, and it is mostly caused by environmental influences, one friend in particular was so funny and full of life, and now when I see him his a CEO of a marketing company and totally lost himself, I can definately see why some people used to say that I always seemed to have a more serious demeanor when I was in senior management.

I think some of the things i've learnt in the last year or so have been the most important lessons i've learnt so far, because they have lead me to finding how to make myself happy in the moment, and that self satisfaction in your career is so much more important than a loaded pay packet!!

I see the red lights on the runway
The jet is moving too fast
I hear the last roar of the engine
And beautiful silence at last
Think of the distance between us
All of the words left unsaid

you're not the man who gave me everything
i've ever wanted

you're not the man
who stepped inside my life
and haunted every, every day

you're not the man
who said he'd never leave
couldn't breathe
and could not sleep without me

that was someone who you left behind
a long time ago

you're not the man
who would bleed for me
never shed a tear
you're not the one
said he'd always be near

you're not the man
who threw me a lifeline
and you're not the man
i am so proud to call mine

and you're not the one
who said he'd never leave
the one who made me believe in me
that was someone who could do no wrong
but you lost him

you're not the man
who would bleed for me
but never shed a tear
you're not the one
who said he'd always, always, always be here
said he'd always, always be near

but don't get me wrong
although it seems sad
it's not all bad
you see
i'm not the little girl i used to be

you're not the man
not the one
who said he'd always, always, always be near

he was everything you see
he made me believe in me
said he'd always, always, always be here

Confusion, Heartache
Welcome to my world
Loss,...Fear..
You're Home..
Sleepless..
Your in my heart..
Beating fading..
Welcome to me..
A pulse .. fading...

Melsy

One sees easily in another, what is there within themselves

Melsy

“It is only possible for us to believe in this very moment,
It is only fair for us to promise another no more than the moment we live in”

Melsy