Is it sad that I have to bribe myself to behave in my English class? Seriously, I have to buy myself something, a treat to eat right before class so I don't turn homicidal. Everytime I go to class, I have to convince myself not to get up and walk out...or to not just say what's REALLY on my mind. Why am I so quiet during workshops? It's because I'm really holding something back pretty cruel; Something that has been eating away at me ever since I had the misfortune of laying my hands on their mind garbage. I know me. I'm to the point about that stuff, and I don't put the fluff around it. But, I bought myself a treat beforehand, so I have to behave. I bribed myself...I can't go back on my word now, not even to myself. In my honest opinion, they glorify stories that are repulsive and terrible, yet pass by several stories that are actually quite good and dismiss them. I just don't get their deal. The teacher's great -- one of my all-time faves, but the class itself? Bleh, I could DEFINITELY pass. There's only a few writers in there whose work I actually enjoy reading. And the attitude of these people? Ghastly. I even saw someone write "Painful to read" as a comment. Who writes that to another human being when it concerns something they wrote? Not even I do that. I may think it, but never write it. Sometimes, I wonder how much my grade would really drop if I just didn't go anymore...I hate this class that much.

And thus, I must bribe myself to be good. Pathetic.

Today, my boss turned to me and said "I don't understand you." Just like that. Just like .. it was some truth or something. And I know he's foreign and doesn't speak english very well..but..it was just the way he said it, ya know? Like he really didn't understand me. And that really freaked me out. What if...no one understood me?
What if...What if I was just this girl that everyone would just smile and nod towards. I feel like whenever I do something...they just say "Oh, that's just the crazy girl and her antics."
Am I really "lost in translation"?
Am I really speaking in a language that no one speaks? Like some...high-powered mutant dialect? It's like...you suddenly realize that you're talking in this...strange tongue that no one knows...and then realizing you can't learn the right language. Then, you feel so...completely...and utterly....
alone.