god...everything is so stressful, i just found out two things about my mom that would have been better left unsaid...i dont even know what to do lately...i love my mom to death, but i dont know if going to live with my g/ma is worth getting her in trouble over...i know honestly that living with my mom isn't what i want, but no one else needs to know that...i miss my friends sooo much, i just wanna be back with them. I dont know what is happening, i have even been hiding behind lies to my best of friends, i blame getting drunk and being a bad kid on having a fucked up life and no mom or a dad, it has nothing to do with that, well, i am sure that it does, actully i am sure that is it entirely, except for the fact, that i just want to do it...i dont worry about stuff then...i know that getting back to michigan wont make me change, regardless of what i tell ******...if anything it will make me worse, and it will make it harder for me to do the things i do with my grandma breathing down my neck 24/7, i just want to be with the friends that i have been able to trust for so many years, i am just so stressed, i dont know what i honestly want, i am sure that this journal entry doesnt make an ounce of sence, but i just wish that i knew what was best for me, i guess deep down in my heart i know what is best, but i dont want to be best, i wish god would give me a sign that what is best for me is to be in michigan(i know it isnt) but i hope, and being here makes it so much harder, i dont know who to talk to about this, i cant really talk to crystal, because i cant realy trust her, i mean i trust her, but not her dad, and lacey, i mean, i know that she cares, but she just listens and is like ya ya ya i know it sux...i luv her to death, but i need some one to reeeaaallly talk to, all i can do is wait, i guess, i dont know what for, but i will find out when it gets here, or happens....