why do i always feel like i want to die i always feel so broken and i just cant take it anymore something needs to happen and quick or im going to be lost forever because i dunno what to do to keep my life from falling apart ive been trying to glue it back together one piece at a time but by the time somthing is reopaired it seems like everything eles crumbles down again i have no wish for actual death just a death of self i wish i could start everything all over again and i dunno wat to do i just cant keep living like this cause if i do ill end up killing myself im sure of it cause i just cant stand this lonelyness and the feeling that im worthless no matter what i do i always return to this stop the one spot that im at right now i call the the dark hole of nothingness where all i want to do is curl into a ball i just want to break free of this and just b happi but i dont think thats ever going to happen cause im not meant to be happy.................................... this is no1s fault but my own

today has been the worst day ever i hate it i woke up way early and couldnt go back to sleep and so i worked on my art project then i got up and went to the store with my grandma i felt so yuvky then after i came home nothing went right when i got on the comp then afterwards i got off and took a nap when i woke up i took a shower and got on the comp once again n 1 was on then when my best firned kasey got on she told me she had be caught tryin to sell drugs and that she didndt want me talkin to her anymore cause she didnt want them fowlling me around askin me questions and shit so ive been sittin her for the past half hour cryin on and off and huggin the purple elephant she gave me im going to miss her so fin much idk wat im going to do she is one of the only good things in my life and she helps hold me together when im sad ad stuff but now now shes just not going to be here for me no more cause once the summer comes shes leaveing me forever im gonna miss her so much i cant breath and i cant see cause of all the tears i want to cut sooooo badly right now but you know wat im not going to b/c i love my bf to much an ive promised him i would never do that again

i finally got wat ive always wanted wat ive wished and prayed for im close to bein the happiest gurl in the world all that needs to happen now is for my scars to vanish then i can forget everything thats ever made me sad :D