I love to Hate
I hate the dusk, I hate the sun
I hate the day that's just begun
I hate the way im not the one
I want to be, I hate the dawn...
I hate the mask of me,
I hate myself now forcibly,
I hate the way i am,
I hate it as much as i can
I hate the world i really do,
tomarrow ill be hating you,
Hate you in my mind i do,
Hate until you hate me to!
So hate me deeply dear friend,
Cause tomarrow ill be hating you,
Hate me cos it's so on hand,
Hate the way i am, please do...
I hate to hate and hate to live
I hate to get, i hate to get,
i hate the way i can deceive,
hate the mask that you believe.
I cant be honest, cant be straight,
I hate that fact now up to date,
I hate my life with all the lies,
I hate its unending debate...
So Hate this mask today my friend,
and if you can the put an end
to it and to all it's lies,
That i so humanly defend
And love the way it ends:
My life in your very hands...
Love the way im slowly gone,
Consumed by the dusking dawn...
Love the way i am no more,
Love the way i hate no more,
All by myself at heavens door,
Where only loving ones can soar-
Where my mask is off my face,
And its just my true religion,
where of the hatred theres no trace,
For only one true reson:
I never really hated you,
It was just a stormy mood;
I never really hated too,
Just secretly took my sooth-
Took my sooth in thinking
How much i could hate,
Mislead myslef believing
This could change the debate...
--------------
Why...
Why...
Dont you hear my cry?
When i call
Against the wall
Like an echo
In the fall...
You dont listen
At all
Why dont you hear me
when i speak?
You dont say
the words i seek...
You dont know me
You dont care
at all...
Why do you always lie
You dont care if i die
Why do you leave me...
alone...
like this abandoned stone...
You dont care care if i die,
And if im left alone.
I call out for you
but youre not there
Youre Everywhere and still nowhere.
You never have time for me
And only for me...
You are always unfair.
I might cry on forever
And yield this river of pain
You dont understand, ever
Everything stays the same
I am darkend by this context
I am tired of this game!
--------------
Suicide
Silver knife about my skin
Cut the pale flesh within
Bring me death
Kill all thats left
Take away my life
Slice away my strife
Let death come slow
As i watch the blood flow
Knife that is now red
Pain that has beed fed
Tell me how it fells to kill
As you leave my body still
Is my blood as sweet as wine
If not take all that is mine
As you kill me here
Taking all that i fear
As you kill me slow
Letting me watch blood flow
Call Of A Vampire
come, come to me
come, come and take this life away from me
come, come bless me with life
come, come and take this pain a way from me
oh you mortal let me submerge
in the sweet nectar you possess
your blood gives me life
give me the healing that i want
give me the purest pleasures
give me the feeling of being like you for once
so come now come to me my most beloved one
--------------
Thinking
Sitting at the window
Watching the world pass me by
Thinking about how it fells to be loved
Thinking about death
Thinking about how people can live in the F*cked up place called Earth
Thinking of all the stereotypes
Thinking about why ppl commit Suicide
Thinking about why we have to go with what society thinks we should be
Thinking about everything in the world...
--------------
Love Hurts
I walk alone,
along the path of death,
truly i walk with others. others that feel my feelings.
Yet im still alone.
No one to care for me.
no one to love me.
I lay on my bed,
and look up at the ceiling,
and wonder.
why me?
why am i so unlovable?
a single tear stumbles down my face,
it falls upon my pillow,
my mouth trembles,
my head aches,
swarms of memories,
ones i have love,
however,
had not loved me back.
my stomach churns,
fellings of vomiting overwhelm me.
Saddness has overwhelmed me.
--------------
Rebel:
you call me horrid names just to see me cry
you make me suffer and i want to die
yes, i cut, but that's okay, i stopped doing it anyway
i cry in the dark when no one's around
i hide in places where i can't be found
you call me a freak, a goth, and a satan worshiper
just because i like to dream and differ
i wear to much black and i made a reservation in hell
i keep quiet a lot and i live in a cell
you might noticed me if i smiled
but i don't so just deal
i called her a poser because she's not real
i get very morbid and write things like this
it will stick with me just like a first kiss
blood covered scissors were always my favorite
i'll sip on the poison right to the last bit
sorry to hurt you but what i say is true
i suffocate myself until i turn a light blue
i boycot the news because it's not right
i fuck with the bitches when they want to start a fight
i punch out the pricks and kick the jerks in the balls
i want to break free from being enclosed in four walls
i say "your mom" a lot because it's real funny
then you laugh at me because i love tunny
i really like green day but you think they suck
you say punk rock's dead, but guess what?!
it's not...
when i'm alone i just don't feel right
it's like someone's watching me but they're never in sight
i'm going on holiday so fuck off and die
i'll think things over of whether or not i'm bi
i'll dress myself unproperly but keep myself clean
i'll stay inside at night and haunt your dreams
now i'll speak out and tell you off:
GET OFF MY CASE! YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS!
--------------
Dearly Departed:
You hold my hand as you slowly lay me down
You say things into my ear that are just bearly audible
You look into my eyes and I see your beautiful bright blue ones
Tears are flowing like a rapid river
I slowly reach up and hold your cheek in my hand
I wipe the tears from your face, you cheeks now stained with water chrystals
You say you love me
You say you need me
Every thing you say I put into my memory and they have stayed there
I look at you and I say I love you too
You lean down and I place a gentle kiss on your lusious pink lips
And I lay back down, smiling
You, however, are still crying
You are truely beautiful, handsome in so many ways
And with one last look into your blue eyes, I lay my head down
And I have gone...
--------------
Reach out your hand, come on
here is the knife here is the gun, here is your chance to end it all
hold it steady, hold it thight, pierce my chest, puncture(sp) my heart
put the gun on my head right between this crying eyes
pull the triger and say good bye (2x)
you wish has come true, now you can get ridd of me for good
here you go, don't waste your time, you've been doing it way to long
im inpatiant, doesn't take long, this is what you wanted, so tell me why are you crying
tonight my eyes shall close, closed by all the memories wraped in this bullet, spilling my blood like the tears i spilled for you, ending the missery of living with a broken heart, quelling the sadness that was borned from your betreyal
tonight my heart shall stop beating, dont hesitate im still waiting, look at me, and aim for my heart but this time kill it bye the work of your hands, it hurts less then letting it die by seeing you lie to me....
--------------
i held u close, i looked into your eyes, i said babe i love you and u said, i love you back
i rubbed your fingers while i was holding your hand, i couldnt resist to say i love u, u didnt hesistated to say it back
i ran my fingers thru your hair, i smelled the perfume of your body
from my heart i said i love you, and while u kissed me u said i love you so much
now the air is cold, there's something wrong, and my body is shaking
you walked away from me this morning and in the distance u vanished
my eyes driping, my heart aching, im lost and confuse always scared of not beeing enough for you
so im sitting here wih my heart in my hands watching it melt after falling in pieces
in a puddle of blood spilled from my eyes, i saw your face, wich made my wounds deeper
wondering when will everything get better
when will everythng end
when will you and i'll get to be happy, with nothing in between
if i hold you close tonight, and while facing you i told you
will u belive me when i say.... baby i love you, babye i want you, baby i need you now and forever?
so take my hand and never let go, lets fix the unfixable, and prove everyone wrong.... me and you forever, is like a dream come true, stay with me forever, forget everything that went wrong, me and u forever... will never go wrong
--------------
some kind of perfect
where did i go wrong?
at what point in my life i did something so wrong to deserve this
have i done so bad for u to throw such a curse on me?
what is the point of beeing good, if u try so hard just to fail misserably
why is it so hard to live? and even harder to love? aint that the reason why we are here? so then why suffer while going thru this
turn me into the ashes of what i was before, turn me into the monster that will be born
if i did drugs or if i was to kill somebody, would i be better off always getting what i want?
but im not like that, so tell me what to do turn me into a fuck up and make me bad, turn me into a serial killer, turn me into a psychopath, seems to be easier to deal with, then to deal with a broken heart
never letting go
im on my knees now feelin the weight of the world while the point and laugh in my face, while they turn their backs to spread the lies that someday will kill me
so give me the solution to find happiness, i thought i found it guess i thought wrong, unless u hate me and u want to prove a point, in that case i'll fight for what is mine,
show me your power, show me what u got in mind, better be good to destroy what i have
u think u got it dont u, u think im not strong enough, but just keep trying i'll show u how wrong u r
bring a whole army, bring the greatest minds, u will not have what i've worked so hard for
u can keep trying, im sure all i'll get is a scratch, but the pleasure will be mine when u find out u cant have what is mine
and go ahead keep trying to take it from me, one day u'll make it, it will be your only chace, it will be the day that im already dead.
--------------
Poem against yours
you wrote me a poem treating me like if i never belived you!
if i never belived you, tell me why are we here again?
u act like if i dont see and care about how u feel!
but what about me, u r the one doing this, im the one hurting again
u said i never took you seriously when u said i love you!
but how can i? when u r sayin it to another guy
u act like im the one always calling you a lier?
but the facts are facts and some one is not telling the truth
dont ever say i dont belive you, if i didnt! i wouldnt be here with you today
dont say i dont care, cuz for all i know the last time i cried was cuz of you
dont tell me im the one messing up, if i have told u the truth, and u have been hiding what kills me
dont ever say i dont love you, last time i checked we have gone thru this twice, and still i took you back
so tell me now, is it me? or is it you? i really dont care as long as is the truth.... so prove me wrong tonight... maybe i'll be able to sleep...
--------------
i love the way you look into my eyes
is that way how i lose my self in my emotional thoughts
i love the way u hold me so gently yet so firmly, like telling me u dont want to ever leave me
i love the way u kiss me, every kiss is like it was meant to be
i love the way u hold my hand, making me feel safe and secure
i love the way u smile, such an inocent face making my days much brighter
i love the way u say i love you, its sarcastic and always so sweet
i love the way u make fun of me, cuz atleast i know its not only me making fun of u
i love the way u laugh sense it shows signs of happynes, and u r always laughin even to my stupid jokes
i love the way u act when u r happy or when you are mad, either way u r always looking so gorgeous in the ouside and inside
i love the way you are, the way u dress, the way u walk, i love everything about you and cuz of you im happy again
so here are 10 reasons y i love u and y i smile, i could give u a million more but im tired and my eyes are shutting
i just wanted to let u know in short and simple frases that i love you and love you more even more than yersterday,
i always dream about you and becouse of you im happy again
and know that i love you and i'll love you till the end
This is something that came out of my head like last night,
and i thought it was pretty cheesy but ohh well it just shows how much i love the only one i'll ever need
--------------
(untitled)
"Thoughts of your are running thru my head
and the memories (hunting me), making my heart beat faster and faster
living fairy(sp)tales when im with you (such a beatiful story)
snaping back to this nighmare, when me or you are gone (so far we are both gone)2x
And im holding your memory like if you were here,
"feeling your touch, kissing your lips" (its just a dream)2X
im staring at you, contemplating your picture
"wishing your were here" 2x (i miss you) "wishing you were here" 2x(just here with me)
The words you once said, i locked'em up, kept'em to my self
separating the sadness from this bitter dream
in this room so cold, with the walls closing (soffocating)
what keeps me alive, is something i cant see (you are not here)2x
I broke down.... (again) This tears.... (were late)
i held on... (to this) dont want to.....(let you go away from me)
I sat down.... (head spining) put down.... (the blade)
i yelled...... (your name) hoping you would hear me....(so can you come save me?)"
--------------
will you hold me close tonight, its cold and lonely
this empty feeling its just so annoying
will you speak them words, so kind so asuring(sp)
to let me know im fine, and know we are both still going
will u hold my hand, with a tight grip,
the night that all my worries no longer exist
will u kiss me one more time, like u did once before
will u kiss me tonight, just before i go
will u hold me so tight, yet so gently?
just so i know that u dont want to ever leave me?
will u stair(sp) at my eyes, look into my soul?
will u ever find out how much i really love you?
will u open your heart, show me your true feelings
will you remember for ever what i said and its meaning
will my words get to you, will u get my intentions
i hope that u know my love for you its interminable
--------------
Your eyes dont speek the truth
your words. that is all they are
not making senses, your are just leaving a lie
worst of all involving others in your games
making others live what u want them 2
w/o apollogize, w/o xcuses
trying bringing every one with u
u r so unfair, u r just a big mess
dont try to xplain it, now its all gone
--------------
+kiss on the ear------"i'm horny"
+kiss on the cheek----"we'r
+kiss on the hand-----"i adore you"
+kiss on the neck------"we belong together"
+kiss on the shoulder-----"
+kiss on the lips----------
+holding hands--------"
+a wink----------
+slap on the butt----"thats mine"
+playing with the ear----"i can't live without you"
+holding on tight----"don'
+looking into each other's eyes-----"let'
+pulling hair on head----"tell me you love me"
+arms around the waist---"i love you too much to let go"
=advice=
if you're kissing someone, close your eyes. it's not nice to stare...
--------------
So im sitting here, thinking
drawing tattoos with a blade
ink dripping
making a mess
time stand still
and a picture of you is post in my head
like if it wasnt enough,
our favorite song plays on the radio
so nostalgic, so emotional
waitin and waiting its not working anymore
i want the end, to end now
i want years of suffering to become one second
i want for u 2 be me, as im slowly leaving
Why is it so hard to let go
of something that hurts u for so long
of something that has left u empty
of something that has been wrong
maybe u can give me the answer while i sink
maybe u can laughed at me while u tell me truth
maybe one day you will learn
good things come and go, great things, only once
--------------
total darkness covered my heart
and the nightmare became a reality,
all my thoughts never failed
all my optimism till today existed
my entire life seems to be thrown away
by a much stronger feeling
my entire view of life is distorted
and without direction i walk towards the end
im hanging on, so hard that im bleeding
my breath its almost gone
but i know i can beat this
its so hard to stand up
but its even harder to give in
its so hard to let go
its pretty much the same as loosing it all
thrughout the night i roled in day-dreams that for ever will last
just to see u smile, just to hear your laugh, just to wipe all of your tears, just to hold you tight,
just to make u mine, just to feel your touch, just to feel so high, just to get lost in your eyes,
just to know what u r thinking, so i can feel so right
just to know u r near me, and have u fall into my arms
just to see u happy, just to know we are one,
just to know i love u, and know that u love me back
just to know i cant live without u, just to know that u can take me to heaven and back
just to know the truth, just to know u real
just to know u aint fake, just to know u r my only one
just to know we both know this, just to know our love is pure
just to know is u, makes everyday the best day of my life...
--------------
i heard your voice
and i ran a thousand miles to see u
i saw u gain...
and now im wondering...
i held your hand...
millions of memories reached my head
i looked into your eyes...
and i found u but i lost my self in them
i felt your breath on my neck...
and since then i think of u everytime the wind blows
i held you close...
and for a moment, we were the only ones in the world
i saw your lips, and i kissed u
i knew i was wrong but i didnt care
i opened my eyes and i looked at u...
u looked at me 2 and we both said "i love you"
u kissed me back and i knew
u are the one for me, you make me whole!!!
--------------
Plzz just let me go, this feelings are to strong
can't hold them in my chest,
they came out dreping(sp) from my soul
look into my eyes, i'll reveal(sp)what i mean
whipe out those tears, this is not a good bye
this is a " hope to see u soon"
hold my hand, feel my cold body
its shaking from sadness, i know u feel it 2
im sorry this is the end, never wanted it this way
im sorry i gave up, but i did way after, after u sliped away
so this is how it ends...
without a reason without a chance
like if it was taken away by the hands of time
trying to fix the unfixable
trying to hold what was already gone
looking for an answer,
that was in your eyes the whole time
--------------
watch my world crumble
while you are standing from the top
watch me bleed from agony
and just throw some lime and salt
watch me scream, untill my lungs x-plode
listen carefully,
your name was the last thing that came out of my mouth
--------------
why do somethings hapen they way they do
if at the end some how
pain is involve
why is it so easy to fall in love but it is
so impossible to let go
why is happiness our ultimate goal
if it is so hard to reach
and it never last long enough
why do we put so much efford into things
if at the end it all crambles(sp)
at the count of 1,2,3...
why is it so easy to say the things that we dont mean
but its so hard to say sorry when u mean it
why is it so important to find love
if while u do a never-ending reaction
of deception, and heart-breaking stories are told
why do we bother convincing our-self
of something that dont exist, and most likely never will
why do we always want the things that are easy to see
but are hard to reach
why is life so complicated and so hard to live
if u r suppose to be thankful for every breath u take
why do we do the things we do if its to prove a point
and to inflict pain in others
why do we like hurting our-self, if we dont like pain
and is just everything around us
why is everything how it is
if deep down inside
its killing, and hurting
and why cant anything be fixed!!!!
--------------
my heart aches(sp) its broken
cant fix it, dont want to try
it hurts way to much
cant get up, im giving up
day after day
i wonder if things will ever change
they are the same
its frustrating
breath taking
im feeling down
once again
it never stops
god take me
chorusX
its way to much
to keep going
to ignore it
save me now
this is
my last breath
my last whish
then im gone
to much to take
dont want to
im taking
the easy way out
chorusX
even thou
now that i
hurt so bad
i whish you
good luck
u sliped
away,
cant hold you
im sorry
and now that im dying
just want to say
i love you
and i allways will
--------------
another day i whish i had a gun to my head
another day i whish this pen turned into a blade
some say i will be ok
for how long, i can't resist
another section of solitude
where i get lost untill u find my again
just so i can fall and break in pieces
re-store me, fix me, put me back together
everytime u do im just missing more pieces
i hit the bottom, i hit it hard, lets see how long it takes
for you to bring me back,
but for what, it will happen again,
its the cycle that i live for so i can die again
over and over i die and some how is all my fult
i cant imagine living happy if it just last for so long
im giving up, would you take me back, fix everything and move on with our lives
the end with you would've been so much better
everything with out you just seems to be hell
so now im here and you are there
wondering what is going to happen
dont make me feel any better
dont want to loose you, dont want to let you go
dont want nothing to happen if is not going to get better
so i guess we'll just leave it like this,
hopeing that some day my wounds heal,
it hurts to much, but let me know how u feel, dont want to make mistakes but that is how i feel, so now u know, now tell me how u feel, let me know how u feel!!
--------------
cut my wrist so i can say bye
slice my throut and dont let me breath
take my eyes so i wont cry
take my thoughts becouse they are useless
take everything, and once again!
leave me empty like u once did!!
take my heart and and stab it once or twice
becouse its hurts more dying like this then with a knife
run way with all that u have taken
u never gave it back and instead u threw it all away
take all my feelings, and do it now
they just keep hurting, and at the end...
i just cant help it.....
--------------
She is the one that keeps me alive
the one that is always in my mind
she is the one i live for
the only one i'll ever die for
she is the one i can't forget
everything remimds me of her
she is the one i always dream of
even when i'm awake
Her eyes, i cant stop staring
her smile, is what gets me thru the day
and her face..., i can not take it
im falling in love again (again and again)
im falling in love with her
she is the one that makes me happy
the one that always laught at me
the one that stands beside me
like an angell watching over me
she is the one i love the most
with all my heart with all my soul
the one i want with me for ever
the one i cant seem to let go
the one i see as the most beautiful thing ever
the one i hope to make this last for ever
the one i hope god bless me with
the only one i want to be with
she is the one..... in so many things
she truly is the one for me....
--------------
were all our toughts and laughs were put together to make the perfect story
im going thru the pages of the book that we all wrote without pen or paper, and that without knowing was made, and have been read but still we are burning slowly.
our never-ending story has a lot of pages that still needs to be finished but right now, the story that was made as one with a happy ending has slowly turned into a night mare
everything seems to be dark and scary, and every single smile is turning into a scream of pain, im trying to look for the answer in every single page, but as i turn the pages every single one desapears as people forget
i m lost and i cant help it, our story is slowly desintergratin
What is going on
can some give me an answer, what happen to those day were everything was fun, and no one would have suicidal toughts
every day is so fucked up, and if this is going to keep going on, the story that we once wrote, to an end has come!
--------------
i remember the times when we use to laugh together
talk on the phone 'till one of us fell sleep
we would make plans for a better future
now it feels like their is no future and the present is a living hell.
im trying my best to bring everything back together
but the more i try, the more away i feel
what have i done so wrong to deserve this
why are you acting like this
if all i do, i do it for you
i talk to u and u still seem not to understand it
why is this so complicated
how is it that one minute you are in love the next your not
unlike you im trying to understand
im trying to be with you but you just dont get it
this is going to far and its been to long
now its the time to make a descision,
do u want this or not
cuz i really feel like im just a waste of your time.
that thing ummm i dont know what to say about it and this is another thing.
things! yeah they dont go the way u want
but sometimes its better that way
i mean a series of thigs go wrong
but becouse of that we are getting so close
now our relationship is getting stronger
and i know that if another thing goes wrong
its not going to be that bad becouse you allways got my back
i know sometimes im wrong and that im not the perfect guy
but if u stay next to me perfection its not going to matter
i want to thank you becouse i know i can count on you
thank you for the things you allways say to me
becouse they move me forward instead of holding me back
i want to thank you for everything pretty much
becouse without you, im lost. thanx for being there when i needed you hope you feel the same about me and you can find a friend on me, remember whatever happens our friendship is allways going to be the same, or bigger, and whenever you need some one i'll be here, just for you. thank you.
this one i wrote about 2 weeks ago to my best friend, Mackie, right after we broke up.
Untitled
All i want to do is try to help you out
buy yet you push me away
me intentions are good but yet you doubt
every word that i say
I try to find ways to blame you for this
but i cant because there are none
i still want to feel you and taste your kiss
yet again wot is done is done
they say listen to your intuition but mine is alwayz wrong
or maybe i just dont have one
i have found that your one of the few places i belong
but i've brought this upon myself and cant run
and now your pretending that everything is fine
but it isnt or else i would be crying
im wishing you were still mine
and without you it feels like im dying
i wish i could take back everything i said
and tell you that i love you still
now im wishing i was dead
but ashley is the one i want to kill
another friendship has been lost
two hearts left broken
i didnt know this decision would cost
as words are left unspoken
you dont want to see me for fear of returning love
but im happy you talk to me at all
for being my best friend i thank God above
without you i would fall
before i met you i lived in a dark place
that i had dug by myself alone
i was that of the depressed race
but you brought me from out of that hole into my home
i wish i could go back and make this right
but of course there is no hope for that
i dont think i can sleep tonight
im lost again and i dont know where im at
please tell me how to make it be like it should
i dotn want to hurt you anymore
if you just tell me how to fix this maybe i could
make myself get up off the floor
i want you and need you cant you tell?
i do screw up everything dont lie
ive made my own life a living hell
God, why cant you let me die?
baby, your my life support and the air that i breathe
i hate to be away from you as much as i am
and i swear ill never leave
and to get you back ill try all that i can
i need you desperatly - no joke there
i wouldnt have done this but common sence is wot i lack
i still love you and ill always care
baby, can you take me back?
(just to let everyone know we arent back together but we are still best friends no matter wot.)
this one is unfinished.
This seems so wrong
Its like I'll never belong
but when im with you its like im finally home
i know im pretty crazy
and even sometimes lazy
and i dont like to be alone.
well i guess ill write my poetry and songs here since im not the kind of person to remember to write in a diary. anywayz, if yall dont like my style or wot i have to say dont say anything at all. but if u like it thats fine if you comment.