So I need a new job. One that pays more. Oh. Yeah. I had a break down last night and I'm not really sure why. I mean I want to be single, but I don't want my ex to treat me like shit about it. It's like every time I tell her I can do what I want cause I'm single. She wants to treat me like shit. Like I told her that I was going to hang out with my friends, she wants to act like an asshole about it. Then it makes me feel like shit cause she some how makes me feel guilty about it. But all she wants to do is get high.

I'm single and my now ex keeps trying to get back with me. To tell the truth I'm miserable. I'm not sure what to do with this girl. I just want to be left alone to my own thoughts and emotions. I want to be alone to myself. Yeah I want to be able be around my friends without someone lingering around. I want to be able to leave my phone unlocked without someone going through it hopping they can find some dirt in it just so they can argue or break up with me. I want to be my own person that has only the worry of bills and pets. I just want to be me again.

So I'm single. Idk what to do with it. I'm still feeling lost. I miss my ex's family. I really felt like I belonged there even though I was far from my little brother.

So today I got to talk to a friend that I couldn't talk to before. It feels good that I can talk to this person again. I've missed the conversations between us. I feel a little better knowing that I can be friends with who ever I want now. You know without someone being like "I don't like them" or "I don't want you talking to them cause I know they like you" and things like that. Ahhhh......Feels good being my own person again.

So my girlfriend and I are no longer together. I'm single again. hmmm.... It feels good to know that I don't have to answer to someone anymore. Now I hope I can find myself again like I once was, not as I am now. Independence is my goal from now on. 

I'm so tired of my girlfriend telling me what to do and wining about not getting enough attention when I'm always with her and see her everyday and having to cater to her every need and want. What about what I want and need. I think I'm just tired of being in a relationship in general. Idk. I feel closed in and no window or door to open. I feel trapped with no escape. Like a fish with no water, a bird without wings, a genius without answers, or a wiccan without earth.

hello, my week has been okay so far. But I still don't know if this is the job for me. It's just so different then what I'm use to and calming. But I feel out of place, cause everyone I encounter speaks Spanish. I'm thinking about asking a friend if I could barrow her dvd/cd's on how to speak Spanish. I know I'm Mexican but not every Mexican speaking Spanish. But I do wish someone taught me Spanish when I was little. *sigh*

so I'm starting to realize that life with this girl is going to be rough. I don't know if I should let it stay this way or to change it. I just wish she was more serious about finding a job a long time ago. Now we are trying to stay afloat just to keep my animals together. I've faced the fact that almost all the animals are going to be mine if we break up. So what am I suppose to do with all of them if this ends bad?

So today I was told that I have an interview with one job and orientation with another. but at the end which should I choose is up to me. Right???? Idk. If my friend Lindsey was here, she'd give some good advice about this dilemma. Oh how I miss you!

Hey it's me again. It's been awhile since I've wrote anything. but so far everything has been good lately. I'm no longer with this Ashley character that played a role in my life. She left me for a more immature woman. The things she did is of her own actions of a cheater and a liar. It's okay though my life is still afloat and sailing. I'm one tough pirate woman to be reckoned with I guess. So far my relationship status is stable as well as my active life.

I'm writing again. I don't know what to even really start with. I have so much on my mind. I don't really know what to think right now. I'm not sure if I should get excited or if I should get ready to loose her (Ashley) forever. Cause if she decides to not be with me again. She will no longer hear from me again. Mainly cause soon as I find out what's gunna go on with my brother, I will decide wether I stay in Texas or move again.

I miss her (Ashley) so much. I feel like she is the only one for me. The girl I'm dating now is not working out. I feel like we are just friends. She feels the same way. So it's a mutual breakup between us. I just wish she (Ashley) could take me back. I won't make the same mistake twice. That's a promise I'm making to myself. I see my life without her (Ashley) and I feel like the world went black. Like there's no light in the world. She's my sky. Cause without the sky the clouds, moon,stars, or even the sun have no significants. When I look at the sky all I see is you (Ashley). I love you Ashley Renee Thomas!!!!! I can't even tell her (Ashley) when I talk to her cause I don't want her getting mad at me or telling that I did it to myself. Cause I know. I know. All I want is for her (Ashley) to forgive me and take me back. So that I can show her. She's the only one for me.

She (ashley) called me again. Thump! Thump! Thump! Thump! That's what my heart sounded like. She texted me first today saying she missed me. My heart felt like a humming birds heart. Beating millions of miles an hour. I wanted to tell her so bad how much I miss her. It hurt me so much not to tell her that I miss her every minute of every day. I feel like I can't breath unless I say her name at least twice a day. Along with saying how much I miss her and love her. Ashley is my everything.

So today I got to talk to her (Ashley). I don't know how many times I wanted to tell her that I love her and that I miss her touch so much. I miss her hugs and kisses and to be held by her. I really want her to be careful right now cause she's in a lot of crap that she doesn't need to be in right now. I know if anything happens to her I'm going to kill everyone involved with what ever happens to her. I've told her before that I'll kill for her. That for sure hasn't changed. No matter if we were together or not she is someone I'll kill for. My heart jumped last night at lunch when she called me. At first I thought I was gunna break down. But I held it together till I got home. And today I really didn't think she was going to call but she did. Once again my heart jumped and I felt like I was going to throw up. But s far no vomit. Lol.

I find myself wanting to call her and text her every morning and night. Even during my break. I broke down Monday at work. While I was on the line. Everyone looking at me questioning me asking what's wrong. All I could say is I'm fine. But inside I was screaming at myself Calling myself a cheating no good for nothing whore that never deserves any one like her. I miss her every day and the only thing I Can do is look at the pictures of us and ask myself why was I such an idiot. Why didn't I realized how much I'm in love with her before I got stupid. She (Ashley) is my heart. I recently got in a relationship with a girl that knows about Ashley and this girl doesn't mind being second to her (Ashley). Come to find out. Ashley is my frost real love. Not Yolanda. My new girlfriend is pretty cool. She knows that I like her but will never really be in love with her. But I do have love for her. Trying to move on but not really working.

I miss my baby Ashley Renee Thomas so much! I'm so in love with her. I admit it I fucked up. I hope that one day she will take me back. If she takes me back I hope that she will trust me. I miss her so much! I'm so in love with her! I admit when she gave me her heart I missed treated it. I didn't take it serious and lost it. But if she takes me back I will show her that I will cherish her heart with everything I have. Every day I will tell her I love her. If she takes me back I will do everything in my power to make her happy. If she takes me back I hope to make her my wife. I won't ever take her or her heart for granted any more. I will always be loyal and trusting and forever faithful to her if she takes me back and gives me the opportunity to show her that I'll always love her and not miss treat her heart again.

I'm stressed out major. I'm not sure how to feel about loosing a friend. But on the other hand I've had one of the best weekends in a long time. My friend (Vic) and I have just been chilling. I missed the company so much. :)

I'm so missing my love (Ashley Renee Thomas). It's crazy weird that we both get sick when we aren't around each other for a long period of time. I'm going to try and see her for my birthday weekend tho. :) If all goes well then I'll be able to see her than. I really hope everything goes as planned. Cause I really want to see her. LOL.

I loved my petals on my bed room floor. I love the ring you gave me when you made the promise that you'll always be by my side and to not ever run away. I love the soothing bath you made for me before you gave me your promise. But do you know what I love the most. I loved that every time we were together we held each other. I love that every time we went to bed we held each other. I loved that we held hands threw out the day every day. Most of all I love the time we had together. I love you! Your my world Ashley Renee Thomas!

I miss her so bad it hurts me to talk, text, or skype with her. She's everything to me, yet she nothing to herself. How do I get her to see herself threw my eyes. How do I make her see what I see. I see someone so perfect for me. She's motivated, caring, always willing to help when someone is in need. She's loving, but it's love in return that scares her away. She's more caring than a 100 care bear hugs. Yet she doesn't expect care in return. She's everything I want and need and more. Why can't she see that, I don't know. She means the world to me and I wish she could just realize that my life with out her is pretty worthless. I feel worthless in many way beyond what my mind can take me. I want to be the one she runs to when she's in trouble, needs a friend, or just needs to vent even if her venting consists of yelling and cursing, I want to be the one to hold her when she cries over something or even if she cries over nothing. I want to be her rock. I want to catch every tear from her eyes, hold her, and tell her that her eyes will never shed a tear as long as I'm around. Unless her tears are tears of joy. I'm in love with her. (Ashley Renee Thomas)

She makes me so happy. She always puts a smile on my face. Ashley is too amazing! I'm so in love with her!