yeah sometimes i just feel alone. i just choked on my own saliva lol it went down the wrong pipe and it got me to thinking what if that was something else? like a piece of food? there would be no one here to rescue me. id die alone. so then that got me to thinking about the friends i miss soo dearly. we all loose freinds in our lifetime either to death, passage of time, college, just loosing touch, fights, break-ups, family and just moving away. it sucks. and everyopne goes through this. i have lossed so many in the past year and i know what we once had will never be again and i have lots of friends on here and i love you all with all my heart, but most of you live somewhere but here. and that doesnt work if i have a day where i want to hang with someone. it saddens me. and all my friends here have college or significant others and are too busy, and i mean i love josh but i cant rely on him being there all the time and my family memebers cant be your best friends and it sucks cause i have no where to go on my days off. well i am just feeling a little down i love all of you no matter what. goodnight!

Old proverbs,
stories and hand me downs,
sayings and song,
history,
the past,
the hours,
minutes,
and seconds,
the events,
the people,
the hope,
and the regression,
the strife,
the coming of age,
technology,
laziness,
the pain and suffering,
the tears,
and the joy,
the lost,
the damned,
the feuds,
the triumphs,
and the hate,
the wars,
and the treaties,
the beginnings,
the ends,
life and death,
birth to adulthood,
we cant let things go.

And shall i write,
down about,
all the images,
and all the thoughts,
that emerge from my mind?

And shall i speak,
mu emotions,
of love and hate,
of content or depression?

And shall i see,
all that there is,
to see?

And shall i draw,
my dreams,
my fantasies?

Shall i describe for you,
what happens every day,
in the life i call,
mine?

Shall i whisper,
secrets,
of old,
and of new?

Shall i tell you about,
the love i have for josh,
the man of my dreams?

Shall i tell you?
the feelings i get,
when i receive,
a hug or kiss,
from him?

Shall i rememeber,
the fueds,
and the loss,
of my friends,
to death,
to fights,
to anger,
to age?

Shall I ask you,
every question,
to be asked?

Will you have an answer?

What else is there to know...
indeed what else is there to know...

the world sat upon your chest,
dwelling upon your lungs,
making it so you cant breathe,
slowly eating away,
at your soul,
the essence of your being,
all the worlds problems,
knocking at your bedroom window,
keeping you awake at night,
all the worlds needs,
draining all you have,
all that you'll ever need,
your hopes,
and your dreams,
all the worlds needs,
taking over your life,
taking over your television,
taking over having sex,
taking over our passtimes,
the world seems to,
turns its back on you,
and you need to be there,
to catch it when it falls,
no thank you,
no hug or comfort,
the world doesn't even recognize,
that you were even there,
it just goes on and lets you fall,
and lets you get hurt,
and lets you cry,
an lets you die,
why are we supposed to do that for her?

Green...
by john nelson

I dream,
of the far off lands,
my heart longs for,
i ache for ancestry,
she aches for me,
to be with her,
the thought,
of never living,
my life,
drains my soul,
never being where i wanna be,
or who i wanna be with,
never trying my desires,
or never getting over my fears,
i am green,
for how cool i wanna be,
for the life it represents,
for the places i wanna go to,
for the envy of those who have gone,
i am green for the beginning of life,
and i am green because,
i am a son of earth,
she wants me to explore her,
to know her good sides and bad,
she wants me to grow,
like the grass upon her bossum,
she wants me to love her to,
the very fullest,
but i am stuck,
i am imprisoned by limitations,
and by money,
and power,
and fear,
and greed,
society,
holds me in my place,
and i dont know if i can break free.....

so yeah i was getting angry at my bf josh because we had broken off our engagement a couple days ago, for reason i dont feel like getting into but if ya want ta know just ask, but anywho and then i brought it up that josh always talks about how he wants to marry me and how he should just ask. and he was goin to at a dinner we had planned, but since he told me that didnt happen. and then tonight we hung out with his co-workers and i said to josh wouldnt it be funny if you were to propose to me tonight and i proceeded and lol i said dont do that it would be embarrasing and he put the rings away lol i felt soo bad but anywho i think in a ways its funny what do you think?

wow this place is cool, my boyfriend showed me this and i am a huge fantasy fan. he just doent know how much lol. so if ya have any pointers for me then hey always glad to receive them