Today, Saturday, May 13th 2006, I went to cloudy, Oklahoma for my Granny Erwin's funeral (my adoptive dad's mom) . It took 3 hours to get there, we woke up at 6am then waited for my family to come to the house then about 7am we finally left, and got there around 11am. We went to my aunts house and my parents and i and everyone else, all 'met' eachother again. but the worst part about that, every time my dad would tell someone about his sons, he would introduce Fudge, Warren, and Guy, (he kept saying that guy is the baby of the family) and he would totally forget about me! (even whenever i was sitting a foot away from him!). Like i wasnt his son or something. I have lived with him all my life, since i was 5 days old, he always brags about it, but now he just forgot. then i would kinda nudge him, and he would say, "oh, and this is John, my youngest. He is the baby of the family". then at 2pm we went to the cemetary. In the middle of the ceremony, my cousin fainted!!! it was really hot outside, and she hasnt been to healthy lately, and she just fainted in the middle of the song. My mom had me run to the car, which was far away, to get a coke for lauren to drink. so yes, in my clean nice clothes I actually RAN to the car and got it, and RAN back and gave it to her. Then she almost had a seizure. Gawd it was scary! but then lauren and her older sister went to sit in the car with air conditioning. shes okay. NEways, then after four songs, we all walked by her casket and kissed her goodbye. Everybody was crying. even me. I know I told people that I hardly knew her, but i did actually KNOW her, so I cried. then after the funeral, we went to celebrate (yes celebrate, did you know that in the bible, it says that when someone is born you should cry, and when they die, you should celebrate?) and we all ate lunch. Then after that we all went back home, and that was at like 4pm and we just got back at like 7 or 8. Today was the worst Saturday of my life.

*Today is May 3rd 2006.*
A tragedy happened on May 3rd 1996.
Somebody very close to me died.
Someone who I havent met, but have heard lots about.
My father died 10 years ago, today.
I never met him though, not even once.
My own father.
I cant blame it on anyone except the man that took his life away,
himself.
Ive heard lots of stories about how he would of done so much with me,
if he were alive today.
And it sucks so much knowing that those things will never happen.
We would of went out fishing, camping, to the zoo,
you know, father and son kind of things.
If I could just spend one day with him..
Just if I could meet him once.
"Id truly be in heaven".

My Auto-Biography

I went straight to foster care when I was born because my real parents were alcoholics and werent "liable" to take care of me. I moved into a foster home when I was 5 days old. And they adopted me when I was 3. My real parents both died. My mom died when I was 2, of serosis of the liver, and my dad died when I was 5, suicide (o.d. on pills). I never met either one of them. Although I have met just about everyone on my dad's side of the family. I go out to Palm Springs, California every year to stay with my grandma. I help her out around the house and with her career (karaoke KJ). I love her very much.
Yes, I am gay, if you havent figured it out yet. You know that lots of foster kids have been sexually harrased or raped or whatever in their childhood (which is why they are in foster care), anyways, well, in their heads, that is the right thing to do. And you know how some kids are always "playing around". well, I did that with some of the foster boys (when we were only about 5 or 6. I never do it anymore though. I came out to everyone when I was 13 and in the 7th grade. Everyone started judging me, and so I became goth and depressed about that. and ashamed of who I was. thats bad huh? Now, I have lots of friends, no one ever makes fun of me anymore, because they know me and they know how i will make their life a living hell.