DANNNNNGGGGG It's long time since i posted ANYTHING here... like 4 years. o.o woah. haha my life has changed alot.. loves found and lost, friends gained, friends forgotten and missed. My relationship with my mother is alot better now. We're like best friends. Though i'll admit we still fight every now and again, but thats because we're so damn stubborn. It's quite obvious i take after her. My sisters and i got back in contact, Becca turned 12 the other day.. she's becoming a beautiful young woman. I just hope i can make up for the 11 years that i haven't been in her life. Same with Steph. She's nearly 14! They both take after me, same loud mouths, same sense of humor. We even have the same smile! They both look like my father. I honestly don't remember much about him.. they're sure helping me remember though. Lots of photo's and video's of me as a kid with my dad.. i don't even rememeber them being taken.

I don't sit around all day doing nothing anymore.. i'm currently training to be a beauty technician. =p fun fun.. but rather tough. I'm enjoying it though! I've got a bit more confidence in myself these days. I try not to let anything bring me down. And i'm finally proud of myself. Looking back at these diary entries.. sure brings back alot of memories about a certian time in my life, what i was going through and how i was feeling at the time.. In a way i miss them and regret them.. I've done alot of stupid things in my life.. but if they'd never happened i wouldn't be the woman i am today. Woman.. i've never referred to myself as a woman before.. But thats what i am.. wow.

-_- I have cuts all over my arms....

Lol i asked mum who with and how old she was when she lost her virginity LMAO
she said
21 and Robert D... something..
LMAO
then mum got scared.. aww...
Lol she said if Jim comes over he can stay with us but he will have to stay with her.. lol bullshit i said he can sleep with me.. mum is scared shit i will lose it soon.. lmao
ok.. shes not THAT hard to talk to.

I lied about my name to afew ppl i told one of them tonight and she told someone else
i am extremly sorry i ever lied
i never thought we would get as close as we did
a guy i met online tracked me down and came to my door asking for me i was lucky i told him he had the wrong house and well... i don't know what might have happened i have never quite felt safe online after that
i only tell my real name to ppl i trust alot that is why i told her i was going to tell him but she told him first
i also have to admit something
a few days/weeks ago i took 7 panadol but sadly enough nothing happened.. i'm still here
i think i may have just lost trust of two of the best ppl i know
i wish i had told them sooner
i wish my life wasnt so fucked
i wish....
yeah i wish alot
but who am i kiddin?
wishes only ever come true to ppl other than me
up to this day onle a total of 6 ppl know i know online know my real name (including the two that found out tonight)
<_<>_> i wonder if mum got anymore panadol...

I lied to someone i love(friend love)
and i told her the truth and now i think she hates me
she is the best friend i have ever had
i never ment to hurt her
if she reads this i want her to know how sorry i am ;_;
i don't want to lose her
i have already lost too mant ppl in my life
i don't want to lose another;_;
especially not her
i should never have told her this
now i hate myself even more

Hmmm....

dum di dum di di di do
hmm...
im drawing at the moment
so far it lookis like shit
but oh well

lol
ok i was a bit depressed
but im ok now
i promise
well untill something bad happens again

Everytime i cry it seems to bring back memories, memories that i dnt want to remember
a good friend told me that tomorrow is a new day
when i was fighting with my mum i waited a day or two and everything was back to normal
well it doesnt work with friends
i have only known this friend for a short time but i feel i have gotten to know him pretty well
i hate fighting with friends especially friends like this who i care about alot
i think i have found the meaning of life... THERE IS NO MEANING!
life is just a game of poker or something that we all take part in wether we like it or not.
sometimes we hit it big and other times we lose(alot)
most of my friends seem to hit it big and i seem to lose alot but i know from the bottom there is only up
after all y do u think i am still alive?

Dear Diary,(yes i know u r probably all reading this too)
*sigh*
mum and i are fighting, again
its so annoying!
My life is a pile of shit!
the internet is the only personal space i get from her
and now shes gettin online ALL the time ( ok maybe not ALL the time, but whenever im talking to someone important)
Its gettin worse!
  from Jax

Fuck when is Jim gonna get online?