why is it that all the teenagers claiming that they are pagan dress like they're gothic?

Paganism is not a dark religion. It is NOT gothic in any way.

That is something that irks me.

Ever since I was 9 years old, I wanted to go into psychology. Sure, at nine, I couldn't even spell it, but thats what I wanted to do.

Of course, being a child, it didn't always stick. But I've always been interested in helping others, listening to them when they needed a friendly ear.

So I finally hit 17, my Junior year. I moved out to my dad's illegally. Mom had custody, so technically I was running away. As a result, he couldn't claim me on his taxes.

So in my senior year, in February, I filed my fafsa. I begged mom to give the required documents. All I got from her was a social security number and a copy of one page on her taxes. Yay.

I noticed that she didn't claim me either. I didn't think much of it. stupid huh?

So I filled it out and immediately noticed how much more documentation I'd need from mom. So I asked for the rest and she refused to give it to me.

I knew she never wanted me to go to college, and this just drove home the point. I'm supposed to be a poor wretch living off of HER and being grateful to her all my life.

So I filled it out, claiming that I've lived with her for the past two years like I was supposed to legally and using dad's info to fill in the blanks.

not to smart huh? But what else was I supposed to do? So as it turns out, I'm filling in dad's financial info and claiming to live with mom.

I got my SAR's back the other day. Not to sure what it means but the big bold words saying that my fafsa was not acceptable stood out like a sore thumb.

So instead of going through college and then med school... I'll be flipping burgers and asking people if they would like fries with that. Or maybe even waitressing.

But only for two years, until I become financially stable on my own and can damn well prove where I've been living. I am going to college and I am going to become a psychologist.

Until then, I'll be working on entry level jobs and writing.

well, my ex boyfriend apologized to me and wants me back... But I am unsure if I can trust him

*sigh*

I know I really WANT to.. but I don't. Not right now

*sigh*

Its been two weeks since my boyfriend and I broke up. Whats even more pathetic, is he left me for another woman.

So why am I still having feelings for him?

We talked for two hours yesterday, because HE was feeling bad. Without warning, I found myself charmed once more. 

Why?

Because he needed me. I guess I'll always have a soft spot for guys who let me protect them.. gah I don't kow

life sucks. 

well.. I'm sitting here in front of the computer, trying not to cry again.

I guess it was the wrong decision when I decided to give mom another chance and come over to her house for christmas.

I'm all alone, again, mom's taking her daughter out shopping. Didn't even ask me if I wanted to go. Just left.

Everything I seem to do pisses her off. It seems the only way I can avoid her anger is to stay in the freaking guest room and come out only when she is gone or dinner time.

well, merry christmas to me.

I can't take much more of this... god, I'm a mess. I'm so freakin stressed even my hair is falling out!

I don't even know why I am stressed... its my habit of repressing everything I guess... I'm fine until I can't hold it anymore and yeah...

I just hope to god this breakdown isn't in a public place, like the last one.. that was embarrassing

god, how to explain the last few days... crying, tears, hope, despair... 

bad me... I need to stop thinking

I am soooo stupid. Why do I always have to get in the middle of fights? You would think I would know by now fights happen, and they turn out how they turn out. They get worse when helpful friends get in the way. bad jess!!!!

well, apparently I'm not getting the hell out fast enough for mommy dear. Got a big lecture on how she wants her fucking guest room.

hell, if she wants it so damn bad, why don't she pack up all my crap herself? I certainly don't want anything left in that room.

stupid scanner! I got my newest pic scanned and it won't let me post it on elftown!

sorry sean, if you're reading this.. its on PI though..

*goes back to her corner and cries*

*happy dance*

better today... thank you for your concern *hugs*

thought I'd feel better... why don't I?

they say suicide is bad... why is it bad? If one wants to die why shouldn't they?

But now, I'm too much of a fucking coward to make myself happy and die.

Yes! Junior projects are over! *happy dance*

Yay! I just found out I don't have to go back to mom's until the day after father's day! Postponed! 

Well, technically, I knew before, but now its offical. *happy dance*

sean left for his dad's today :(