[my bloody tears]'s diary

761031  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (6832 days ago)

You left me with nothing, but the taste of my heart in my mouth. Bleeding over the Earth, I'm stretched too far, and you still pull me farther. I opened up to you, my star, my life, and you left me pouring into a blackhole. You said that you'd be back to save me from myself, but here I am with my name carved in my face, breathing my dying breathe. What am I to do? Who do I believe, when everyone just tests me? They berate me in their struggles, like I don't have my own. I help them, but for nothing more than a smile. Where they would end me, with never-ending sorrow. I've been crying in the darkness of my mind, and still noone hears me. I've lost myself...forever...and you killed me...I feel like I'm erased, so kill me just in case.

761030  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (6832 days ago)

Since when has anyone really cared about another person? Everyone is out to win everything to make everyone around them jealous of them. I'm content with who and what I am. I will not falter under the sway of money or other objects of greed. I'd rather lose my eternal soul, than to lose the people that are close to me. They may be very few, but they are always there. They know who they are. I've put them through alot, and for that I apologize. Life goes on however and we just keep pushing on. So let's go, and make our end a great one.

761029  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (6832 days ago)

Family falls apart, leaving broken minds to find their own means to mend. Old friends become new enemies, each one with their own dark plots deep inside themselves. Bring the darkness, bring the pain! Cover me in your hatred, drown me in your lies; I will survive your little head games. And to those that once loved me, "I'm glad that you ever thought I could be that, but I wound up just a failure instead." All of you heartless bastards can call yourselves intelligent, strong, or even better, but in the end you're just another worthless shell in need of slaughter.

761027  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (6832 days ago)

"Goodbye"


Pendulum stops and falls away
Life sifted through like sand
Storms of summer rain
Flooding lifelines in our hands
Our skin of blood and bone
Gently close to dust and blows
Our home of blood and bone
Pulls through the ground and so....
Unstoppable
These feelings of loss
So unstoppable
Egging through to the marrow of bones
Just let it go
Pain willing in your eyes
Just let me go
Dry the tears that fall


And remember
When everything is typical
I’ll be the wish upon a star
I’ve found a place so magical
Goodbye....


See you another goodbye
I..See you another goodbye
See you another goodbye
See you another...


Peeling killers rise
Precious circle is mended
Sense vertigo in you
So I’ll be your halo
So unstoppable
My love for you
So unstoppable
Memories of you


Just remember
When everything is typical
I’ll be the wish upon a star
I’ve found a place so magical
But still please...


Someone, Help Me, Grab Me, Save Me Now,
Distrust, Darkened, Daylight, I’ve lost sight
Someone, Help Me, Grab Me, Save Me Now,
Distrust, Darkened, Daylight, I’ve lost sight


Remember
That nothing here is typical
I’ll be the wish upon a star
I’ve lost something so magical
And gone so far
Just remember
When everything seems difficult
I’ll be shining from a far
When it feels like things have gone away
I’ll see you again


I’ll see you again, Goodbye
I’ll see you again, Goodbye
I’ll see you again, Goodbye
I’ll see you again, Goodbye
I’ll see you again, Goodbye....

761025  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2006-03-10
Written: (6832 days ago)

IMN (Mudvayne.)


Suicide
Don't give a fuck about this
My life or any other
Just go away and let me hang
Impossible to forgive, forget it, murderer
I'm in control


Living a lie
Make you pay at all cost for this
Love sick
Bullshit
Bring it


Decisions making themselves
I don't need you
Thorns in my side
So I die


No one
No one could ever understand
My life's exhausted
No one
No one could ever understand
This life IMN


Determined
To bring you all down with me
Break you
Beat down
No more fucking empathy
From me, for you
Fed up i've had enough
Duality
My war
Existence
Instigated controversy
Lay down
Sell out
So wrong


Drag the blade and go away
I stand, cold cruel and lost
Take me I'm ready


No one
No one could ever understand
My life's exhausted
No one
No one could ever understand
Pressure constricting
So hard
Like a stone
Fight hard
Break bones break


No one
No one could ever understand
This life IMN


Your pressure
My time
Eroding
My life
Fight for your honesty
Fight for integrity


All work and no play
All work and no play
All work and no play waiting
All work and no play
All work and no play left me
Sick!


I want to eat a bullet
Carve myself
Beat my face
Catotonic
Dig my brain
No pain! suffocate!
Stomach aches
Don't give a fuck
I'm out, I'm done
Fuck this shit
You've dug the hole
I'm lying in


No one could ever understand
No one could ever understand
Fight for your honesty
Fight for integrity


No one
No one could ever understand
My life's exhausted
No one
No one could ever understand
Pressure constricting
So hard
Like a stone
Fight hard
Break bones break


No one
No one could ever understand
This life, IMN


My world
My rules
My noose


My world
My rules
Fuck you


My world
My rules
My noose


My world
My rules
Fuck you

761024  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-09
Written: (6832 days ago)

Welcome to the Hell that is my head. Fragments of shattered pasttimes of agony sprinkle the landscape in an ominous shroud of grey. Shallow graves for past concepts of self, dreams, hopes, fears, and loves. A neverending cemetery of flowerless tombstones, no one comes to visit this war torn place. Disgusted with my position in this reality, everybody I loved and needed turned their backs and just walked away, they don't give a shit about me. Just set that plastic soul on fire and watch it melt. The pain's aloft inside, misery, hoplessness, all of these make up my shell. "I just want to run around, fly kites, wrestle, jump, and play." But to every pool, there is another side...

761019  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-03-09
Written: (6832 days ago)

I'm a forgotten dream that no one looks for
I'm like a dead soul that needs to move on
Your love,your lustkeeps me here
But you move onto another love,another lust
Until she is lost or forgotten like
I am....

749301  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-02-16
Written: (6854 days ago)

I wish I could sleep again
I wish I could dream again
I wish I could close my eyes
I wish I could ...
Wishes that always repeat



Wish I was a sweet smile
I wish I could change the world
I wish I could hold someone close
Wish I was ...
Wishes that never come true



I'd love to forget those nights
I'd love to forget your crooked smile
I'd love to forget...you
But it's hard to forget what's never left
And it's hard to move



I wish I was a star shining brightly for you
Wish I was a dream come true
I wish I could be the one for you
I wish I was...
Wishes made in desperation



I wish I was the hand that held you up
I wish I was stronger
I wish...
Time to stop wishing

749298  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-02-16
Written: (6854 days ago)

The writhings of my weak shell entertain me on a daily basis. A multitude of fractured thoughts across my lips like jagged glass, swallow hard the pains of my soul. Insanity a barrier by far breached and turned into a device of self-torture. My exo-skeletal patchwork protects the paradox in my worldly usless skin, my reflections chewing at the bones. No more to feel the guilt once I empty the vial into me, a viral infection fit for filth. Laughter in the darkness of my mind, my own, or is someone there? Asphyxiation from constricting air, the limitless sky bleeds into me the vile. My eyes, my stare, my gaze fixed on the distant oblivian, ignorance compiled in my cell. Dreams of organic beings fill my sleepless nights, a stagnant flow of endings. The ultimate mutiny against myself, forever drowning in the void of my heart. A soundtrack to my failure, one syllable, one vowel. Welcome to my dehumanization, the sum of all my suffering. A sickly dance of matter, malignantly benign, greeting the chasm-unbearable, sublime. Visual chaos played out in my retina, veins bursting from the poison of life.

749297  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-02-16
Written: (6854 days ago)


"One More Sunset"





Breathe, just a little more
I want to see the stars shine
Feel their ominous eyes mourn
Their soft stares guide me
To a place where I belong





Hold me, keep me here
There's so much I must do for you
So much I have to correct
Just remember, this last breath
For it will be the only eternity I know





I lived my life like some kind of fucking game
I lost my way in the madness
Come see my face, and cry
Shame this monster's place, sadness
I only want to see one more sunset





You were there, to hold me
To remember my smile and to close my eyes
Don't waste your tears on the wretched
Just remember, my intentions were pure
Because for you I fell into this darkness...

749296  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-02-16
Written: (6854 days ago)

A room of shadows...
Alone the cries of agony...
So afraid of the windows...
Of the staring tragedies.
The doors are always locked,
to keep the darkness sheltered
From the love gone bad...
Impurity of heart is all around,
Hidden by the gentle touch,
The smile, the compassion.
Closer they come, ever closer
To take a look inside the room of shadows.
To see the shackled figure tugging,
Screaming, bleeding from the agonies
Bleached into his existance. Eyes,
That once glowed bright and blue,
Now cold and dark. Rusted chains
Cut so very deeply into the soul.
The bitter smell of spilled blood,
And sweat dance round with the darkness.
Broken glass from picture frames...
How sharp, how like home. This floor
Is covered in memories, cocooned in darkness.
Veins give way to metal, and heart breaks like glass.
Glass that once held purpose, happiness, familiar...
Faces that loved...faces that cared...all gone bad.
Turned everything black in this room of shadows,
A room that once held shared dreams.
Lead injections that pass through flesh, bone,
and tissue to come thundering out the other side.
Then the chain stops rattling, and all is silent.
Just like a grave, a lonely dark grave.
And there is no more pain...
No lies...
No hate...
No fear...
No tears...
No more loss...
No more laughter...
No more you...
No love...
No hope...
No...more dreams...
Now, only darkness remains in this room of shadows...

727723  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2006-01-05
Written: (6895 days ago)

"The Darkness Around Me"
The darkness is comeing to kill me
I hear the breaking of bones of the others
I can hear it comeing though the woods
The thing that was in the dark is now behind me
I feel it breathing down my neck
I can feel it wrapping its arms around me pulling me back
The darkness is taking my soul
The light is getting dimmer and dimmer
The light is now like an ant hole
It is dragging me back into the dark world
I can hear it cewing on the bones of the others
It is getting closer still cewing the bones
I cry for life as it tears at my skine to get to my heart

631285  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-07-24
Written: (7060 days ago)

I'm sad and lonely. this world is dark and full of evil. I will never tust some strang person. I hate myself and the thing I've done in this harsh and crule world. My life is nothing but hell,but my friends are allways there for me they will never let me down.I just want to die and end my sad,sad life.

 The logged in version 

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