The thought is disbelieving,
the action is decieveing,
the outcome is horrifying,
While it haunts your life.
While it is in every breath of fresh air that you take.
While it is in your dreams as you sleep.
While it is the first thing that comes to your mind when you wake up in the morning.
While it, itself is disbelieving and decieving.
While it, itself haunts you...
A STD has always made me shiver,
shiver with the thought of loosing my life.
The thought of not achieving my dreams.
The thought of not fullfilling my deepest desires.
The thought of hurting the one I love and the ones whom care for me.
But this time I was lucky...
I got a STD that was curable.
That was not life threatning.
That changed my whole outlook on life.
A 4x6 cell,
bricks the color of sand,
concrete beds,
steel sinks and toilets.
A 2x4 window to look out of,
a door shut and locked to where it makes you feel like a caged animal that's holding and hiding in it's fury,
A jump suit of neon orange,
the "No Privacy" that runs through your head as people watch you take a shower,
the "No Freedom" that you have brought against...your
While I was laying on that concrete bed, my only thought was you. My tears were for you. My dreams and heartache were for you. The only thing going through my mind was that I needed some way to let you know that I was okay and that I would be back soon. To let you know that I love you.
Not for now,
Not for later,
But forever more,
Until my dying day and beyond.
Until this minute, hour, and day is through.
Until the moon turns blood red and the world is coming to an end...
I will still love you.
You say that you love me,
but your actions speak diffrently.
You say that you would die for me,
then why are you killing yourself?
You keep hanging on to something that is holding you back.
Something that makes you miserable.
You know this but still you are not willing to let yourself be happy.
You are not willing to let yourself love again.
You are not willing to be with someone who will and does treat you like a human being.
You are not willing to be with someone who won't hit you like a punching bag, who will not hurt you in any physical way.
You are not willing to let me love you.
If you had the choice to live or die,
what would it be?
Would you stay in a world of pain and sorrow? Or take the road that takes you to no life at all?
If you could live your life all over,
would you?
Would you make the decisions that you had wish you'd done the first time around? Or would you not even want to bother to have to do it again?
the touch of your hand as it makes its way to my back
the taste of your kiss as you caress my entire body
the feeling in the pit of my stomach as I hear your sweet voice in my ear.
the love I hold for you.
I lay here awake,
unable to think,
unable to move,
with the fear of
never again seeing you.
I think of you and my heart begins to pound,
my knees become weak,
my breaths become short.
I close my eyes and lay down to sleep,
and all I can see is your sweet face.
I see you and I years from now,
together,
and happy with smiles on our faces and our eyes such a glisten,
a glisten of a star shining on it's brightest night.
Too bad this will never be
Dreams,
tears,
and fears,
have taken place.
Shivering of the bones
come with each thought of the outcome that is soon to be.
Worry is the only thing that now condemns my soul and mind
Doom is what the future holds for me,
now that you are gone...
Leaving
You haunt my dreams,
everywhere I go there you are!
I must get out of this place!
I am tired of you taunting me so!
For everytime,
I think that I am over you,
I see your beautiful face,
and have to start all over just to try and mend.
I can not take this anymore!
I must leave this place,
this school,
my friends.
If you are gone,
please just disappear from here,
from me.
Stop making me cry myself to sleep.
Stop making my life so unbearable.
Stop making me...
miserable.
Tick tock,
tick tock,
as the time flys by...
sit and think
of what is
to be,
of the next
few hours of the day...
of the choices
you will
make...
of the people
you will
meet...
of the things
you will
say...
of how the day will end.
I look into your eyes and see sorrow, enough sorrow to last you a lifetime...
You no longer have a glisten to your bright blue eyes.
You no longer come into the room with a smile on your face.
You no longer look at me the same way as you had.
Look into my eyes and see the worry that possesses my soul. See that my concern for you has grown,
That my feelings are still there,
To see that I still care.
Questions and answers,
thoughts and actions,
these are the things that constintly go through my head.
But when I get the answers to my questions and suffer the consequences of my thoughts that turn into actions,
I think and wish I had never known and done those certain things.
To have and to hold,
to love and to scold,
to show them your love,
so that they will know.
To share your dreams,
to share your wishes,
to lay in bed at night sharing kisses.
To have for now,
to have for later,
to have by your side forever and ever.
To shield you from the pain and sorrow that the world has set aside,
to be there for one another until your time to die
Death Prayer
Let me cry until' I can cry no more.
Get rid of these tears that are held inside.
Suffocation has now taken over.
Let me know when my life is through.
Hopefully anytime soon,
my time will come,
for me to leave this hidious and hurtful world,
So I won't have to bare this pain no more.
Please tears, disappear.
Make this struggle to live from day to day,
go away..
I close my eyes,
and still see your piercing blue eyes,
gazing into mine.
The emptiness that I feel,
now that you have gone,
is unbearable,
Life has no meaning now.
You made my life worth living,
made me who I am today,
made me forever lost in your love,
that I will never have again.
I will never be free again,
because of you.
You promised not to hurt me,
but you broke that promise.
I love you,
I hate you,
You will forever be in my heart