Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''
The Teacher fainted...
Take my hand
Off we go
To the room
Shut the door
Hit the lights
Grab me close
Raise me up
Kiss me slow
Lips tongues touch
In a dance
I’m turned on
By your glance
Hands slide up
To my neck
In my hair
Pull me back
Trail your lips
Down the path
One plus one
Do the math
One kiss here
One lick there
Two hard nipples
Equals wet underwear
Lick me slow
Suck you deep
Make me cum
Till I’m asleep
Lose your pants
Take my shirt
Nipples so hard
That they hurt
Slide my panties
With your teeth
Not just wet
But soft heat
Take your dick
In my hands
Better get ready
I’ve got plans
Raise me up
Over your face
Put your tongue
In that place
Spread me open
Part my lips
While I kiss
On your hips
Take you in
I’m open wide
You taste me
I’m so high
Suck your tip
Flick my clit
This sixty nine
Is so exquisite
Take you deeper
Make me moan
Feel my lips
At your bone
Tongue me softly
Feel my flow
Now how fast
Can I go
Back and forth
Up and down
Swirl your tongue
Round and round
Feel you all
In my depth
Can’t seem to
Catch my breath
Stroke your shaft
Hit my spot
Make you harder
Make me hot
While you search
Seek to find
The pleasure in
This tongue grind
I’m taking you
All the way
Through the night
Into the day
I’m getting close
To the end
But I’m getting
My second wind
Suck you smooth
Jack you tight
All that cum
Is mine tonight
You’re getting tense
Back is arched
Throat is dry
Now I’m parched
I can’t wait
For another minute
Cum for me
Give me it
That’s it, baby
Give to me
Let it go
Set it free
Oh my God
What’ve you done?
Baby now I’m
About to cum
Ooh don’t stop
NO NOT EVER…
I can’t believe
We’ve cum together
The day the teacher was to hand the papers back, she called up the second student and told him she would pray for him when he went to hell. The student asked why would he be going to hell, and why he got an F on his paper. The teacher told him that Catholisim is against gay marriage. The student looked at her for a minute, then said aloud, "I'm gay." The teacher kicked him out of class as if he had said fuck or worshipped Satan.
A girl in the back of class who had a boyfriend and was obviously straight got up and left too.
* If you would leave the classroom, repost this. It doesn't matter if you're straight, bi, or gay. It doesn't matter if you're Catholic or not. Everyone is a human being and deserves happiness. *
[Everyone Deserves HAPPINESS!]
I found this amusing to read
Sex Facts
1) 94% of men lie about their penis size. According to condom manufacturers, only 6% of men use extra large condoms.
2) The average man is 5 inches long when erect (no matter what you have heard ladies, that's the truth).
3) 80% of American men are circumsized. Even though Pediatrics say it is not necessary.
4) No matter what all the ads say, nothing can make your penis grow but time (most men reach the end of their growth by the early 20's)
5) There is no correlation between penis size and shoe size, hand size, or nose size.
6) Blue balls does exist! It's technically called "prostatic congestion."
7) Only 16% of men shave their privates.
+Some stuff on the ladies+
--------------
1) Only 9% of women around the globe consider themselves "attractive" (20% of British women do).
2) 43% of women use the term "natural" to describe themselves, 24% say they have "average" looks,
8% prefer the term "feminine",
7% say they are "good looking",
and 7% say they are "cute",
and finally only 2% of women say they are "sexy".
2) An estimated 85% of women wear the wrong size bra.
3) 50% of women have had breast implants.
4) 85% of women dont like performing oral sex
5) 90% of women shave their privates.
+Both+
--------------
1) Masturbation is healthy for both men and women.
2) 70% of highschoolers have had sex before they have graduated.
3) 27% loose their virginity senior prom night.
4) Only 3% wait until marriage.
5) 95% of men would have sex with a girl after 1 month of dating. Only 10% of women feel this way.
+5 Reasons Why Sex is Good+
--------------
1) It is a good workout. Sex burns about 150 calories every half an hour of it. It will lower your cholesterol and improve breathing circulation.
2) You won't get sick. According to research if you have sex 1-2 times a week you are less likely to get sick.
3) You'll feel happier. You will feel a greater sense of well-being. Women who have more sex were clinically proven to be less depressed than women who dont have sex.
4) Makes you look better - [ problem is, ugly people don`t get any ]. Sex releases hormones in you which make your skin and hair softer and shinier and tone your physique.
5) (The best reason) You will live longer. Studies prove that sex makes you live longer. Men who had sex 1-2 times a week had half the death rate as those who did not indulge themselves at least once a month. It also makes you look younger. If you have sex 3 times a week you may look up to 10 years younger than you really are.
Did You Know?
--------------
1) Having sex 3 times a week for 1 year adds up to running 75 miles!!!!
2) having sex increases the amount cortisol and adrenaline in your brain inturn making you smarter. so getting fucked on test day is actually a good thing!!
.:V.i.R.g.I.N.
Why couldn't we have just stayed friends?
When he approached me, my body froze
I had never felt that way before
Such a breif moment in time
He wrapped his arms around my waist
And promised me that everything would be ok
I believed him, I fell right in
He left me feeling cold; unloved
No longer do I let anyone get as near to me
As he did that night
I felt so secure one moment, then
It was torn away in an instant
The pain of being left behind
My body longs for more but my mind sways
Even the gentle touch of another
Feeling their body heat radiating into
Me is too much. I cant stand it
How could something so sweet taste so bitter?
(this isn't mine but it was so true as to how i feel that i felt i had to post it in my diary)
crying on your shoulder,
I go to sleep,
thinking of you,
I can't help but weep,
away my sorrow,
and all my pain,
that will always,
hold me like a chain.