[undecided]'s diary

623505  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-07-14
Written: (6881 days ago)

I am not a great guy...
I'm not even a good guy...
I dont deserve what i have...
I dont deserve you...
and im sorry that I'm not worthy to even know you...
I am sorry...
im worthless...

entry 1:



ok i guess you want to know some shit about me...
i go to city honors school in buffalo NY (a school for the mentaly advanced and clinicaly depressed.)
i hate my life
my life always revolves around my girl friend
to my friends: thanx (the ones mentioned below are extreamly inportant to me)
to my enemies: you have every reason, and right, to hate me...



entry 2:
girls who hold a place in my heart:
[buddy666]- "good friends", i hope forever...
[Sarah000x]- wonderful girl, she can get alittle kinky, but that just makes her all the more enjoyable
[XxX_loss of blood_XxX]- an amazing girl, and a friend of [†Drusilla†]'s
[†Drusilla†]- someone VERY important to me. a great friend. and we met cause i yelled at one of her other friends! YAY! ^^
[~i ~love ~you]- an amazing girl that seems to think that im better than i am...
[kanaseria]- i said that i would stay with you till the day that i die, and i ment it
[Your Dying Dream]- [valdimire] is AN ASSHOLE!
[-Lord Fluffkins-]- someone ill always care about
[Dont worry be happy]- really hot english chick, and a great girl
[Angelic Alexandra]- you earned it. a wonderful, caring, and productive young woman
[Marleigh Says]- a great friend of mine, that has been there for me when i needed her. and she never knew it...
you girls have saved my life more times then then youll never know, thanx...



    -end-



entry 3: extra shit



likes:
1. my girlfriend
2. music.
3. quiet
4. knives
5. dark
6. soccer



unlikes:
1. male competition
2. noise
3. ppl that are fake
4. rap, OLD country, the new stuff isnt too bad, and opera(these dont count as music)
5. reading
6. school (BURN THEM ALL!)
7. asshole ppl i know
8. life.............





physical charicteristics:
- 7 inch long brown hair
- 168 lbs.
- size 13 shoe
- eyes change color in different light
- 6ft. 1
- thin, i guess...
and thats... about it...



entry 4:
poems (yes, i write poetry, but you wont get most of it...)
so yea, here ya go:


Too Late


This blackened heart
This is me
Now you see the person
That I truly am


Dark and cold
And lost to all
Never be the person
That I want to be


You see my hand
I ask for help
But all you do is simply
Look and turn away


You hold me down
You push me out
You only make me want
To end this torture now


So here I am
The man I hate
And now I fall
From my bedside window


And now they see
The true me
But now it’s far too late
For any saviors





ok you've read the sampler
the rest of them are at:
Russ' Poems



tell me what you think...

538774  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-04-01
Written: (6985 days ago)
Next in thread: 538823

I am not a great guy...
I'm not even a good guy...
I dont deserve what i have...
I dont deserve any of you...
and im sorry that I'm not worthy to even know you...
I am sorry...
.......................................WHaT?
.......................................WHaT!!!
.................WHaT THE FUCK DID YOU EXPECT FROM ME?!?!
A GREAT GUY?! SOMEONE SPECIAL?!
IM SICK OF THE EXPECTATIONS! IM WORTHLESS!
...
so dont expect anything more...

entry 1:


ok i guess you want to know some shit bout' me...
i go to city honors school in buffalo NY(a school for the mentaly advanced and clinicaly depressed.)
i hate my life
my life always revolves around my girl friend
to my friends: thanx (the ones mentioned below are extreamly inportant to me)
to my enemies: you have every reason, and right, to hate me...


entry 2:
girls who hold a place in my heart:
[XxX_loss of blood_XxX]- an amazing girl, and a friend of [†Drusilla†]'s
[†Drusilla†]- someone VERY important to me. a great friend. and we met cause i yelled at one of her other friends! YAY! ^^
[~i ~love ~you]- an amazing girl that seems to think that im better than i am...
[kanaseria]- i said that i would stay with you till the day that i die, and i ment it
[Your Dying Dream]- [valdimire] is AN ASSHOLE!
[-Lord Fluffkins-]- someone ill always care about
[Dont worry be happy]- really hot english chick, and a great girl
[Angelic Alexandra]- you earned it. a wonderful, caring, and productive young woman
you girls have saved my life more times then then youll never know, thanx...


       -end-


entry 3: extra shit


likes:
1. my girlfriend
2. music.
3. quiet
4. knives
5. dark
6. soccer


unlikes:
1. male competition
2. noise
3. ppl that are fake
4. rap, OLD country, the new stuff isnt too bad, and opera(these dont count as music)
5. reading
6. school (BURN THEM ALL!)
7. asshole ppl i know
8. life.............



physical charicteristics:
- 7 inch long brown hair
- 168 lbs.
- size 13 shoe
- eyes change color in different light
- 6ft. 1
- thin, i guess...
and thats... about it...


entry 4:
poems (yes, i write poetry, but you wont get most of it...)
so yea, here ya go:


Hopeless


Why are we here?
What is our purpose?
Do we even have a purpose?


Should we strive for peace?
Or should we live
With war and hatred.


Maybe we are meant
For that hatred.
The killing, the blood spray, the death


Or maybe we
Should live peaceful lives,
With the one that we love.


Should we love?
Do we need it?
Or do we strive for something,
That doesn’t exist?


Maybe we are just meant
To kill each other.


Maybe the suicidal,
Are just helping
The process.


Maybe they see their purpose
And want to fulfill it.
Or maybe they see the hypocrisy of it all.


Maybe they realize
That those who love
Never get loved back.


Maybe they realize
That those rejected people,
All kill, and die, in one way or another.


Maybe those suicidal people
Are the rejected ones.
And they don’t see their purpose.



Or maybe,
Just maybe,
They don’t have one


~RJZ


ok you've read the sampler
the rest of them are at:
Russ' Poems


tell me what you think..........

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