why can't i help myself. why do i love you so god-dammed much? i don't like it. i don't like being in love. i don't like feeling vulnerable. i don't like knowing that with one word, one look, one motion, one mess up, i could be hurt, scarred for the rest of my life. i don't like knowing that you've stolen my heart. i don't like you knowing that you hold my heart in your hands. what will you do with it? are you going to cradle it, nurture it, help it grow? or are you going to continue being the heartless ass every one says you are and throw my heart away? let it break. let it shatter. as the dry splinters soak up my tears. i never wanted to fall in love. but now that i'm falling... will you catch me?

You ever have one of those days where you seriously wish you could just punch some one's lights out? Well this is my first time with this whole online diary thing so I am just going to treat it like a real diary since I don't have mine with me.
Well any way today was one of those days for me. One of my so-called-friends that I haven't seen in like a month came up to me and suddenly started bitching at me about how i was aparently dating a 21 year old just to get alcohol and a good lay. Okay so I can't deny that one of my close guy-friends is turning 21 in December but other than that WTF??and he kept going on about it. then he went on about how i had no self-respect because i allowed my guy-friend to call me his little red-headed bitch. it was a joke between us and has nothing to do with my self respect level. it got to the point where i was cussing at him at the top of my lungs. (now here are a few facts about me 1. it takes quite a bit to get me to raise my voice in anger at any one but my mother. 2. I don't cuss. Especially not at school. 3. most important i am a very forgiving person and you must have really fudged up if i'm still mad at you five hours later. 4. I will not start a fight so if you piss me off enough that i am seriously wanting to punch your teeth out then you have gone way to far.) he pissed me off at 9:30 this morning and i'm still fuming mad over it. If he so much as utters my guy-friends name one more time or say something like he said today he is going to get his eyeball relocated three inches into his brain!!!

Okay well thanks for reading and if you have any advice please tell me. i would rather not get in trouble for starting a fight.